A few years ago, I made my first journey to Niagara Falls. I had seen pictures and videos and heard stories about this iconic landmark, but nothing could prepare me for the awe and wonder of seeing the falls up close. The sound was overwhelming. The mist spilled over into the parking lot. The sheer magnitude of this mammoth waterfall took my breath away.

For the first hour, I couldn’t get enough of viewing the falls from every angle possible, taking in the joy of feeling so small in comparison to something so glorious. But after three, four, then eight hours of being there, the dopamine rush in my brain dissipated. I no longer saw the falls with the same excitement or awe. They were just waterfalls—beautiful, yes, but I was ready to leave. I didn’t care to stay any longer.

The same could be said about sex. Sex is a wonderful gift from God to humanity, and every good feeling that accompanies sex is something God takes delight in, because he created it that way. He created our bodies to experience such soaring pleasure and excitement. He created husband and wife to know a depth of intimacy in sex that has no equal in other human relationships. He created sex to be a physically enthralling and intensely loving experience that makes husband and wife want to be nowhere else in the world except united to one another in those moments.

But then, it’s over. While the joy and intimacy of sex should last well beyond the moment, eventually, it’s time to move on to other good things. Holy, godly, loving sex is a wonderful experience, but it can’t fully satisfy our hearts, because God never designed it that way. God created Niagara Falls and sex, and both point beyond themselves to our Creator, who invites us into pleasures that are forevermore at his right hand.

All good, earthly experiences only satisfy to a certain point. Whether it is your favorite song, your favorite food, your favorite vacation spot, or your favorite person, they all have their limitations. C.S. Lewis put it best in Mere Christianity when he said, “If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.”¹

We’ve come to expect that every good experience has an expiration date. We all know the phrase, “Nothing good lasts forever.” But that’s not true, and it’s not the language of our hearts. Even though we find in this life that nothing fully satisfies, we still keep looking, hoping that eventually we’ll find what our hearts were made for. For all of those in Christ, we have found the One for whom our hearts were made.

God created our hearts to be satisfied fully in him alone. I know that some of you reading this might start to tune out because your experience of God doesn’t compare to the pleasures you find in this world. Your experience of worship, Bible reading, prayer, and fellowship often pales in comparison to food, sex, entertainment, and what the world holds up as “the good life.” If you balk at the idea that God alone can satisfy your heart, consider these two realities.

First, the life we live in the flesh, we live by faith. Faith is the instrument through which we delight in God in this life. Just as taste buds are required to enjoy food, so too faith is required to enjoy God. If you have found our triune God to be boring, unsatisfying, and a weak offering compared to the world’s delights, it is because you are coming to him on the basis of sight, not faith.

But if, by the agency of the Holy Spirit, you walk by faith in the Son of God who loved you and gave himself for you, you will find that our God has no comparison, that he alone has the words of life. Every promise you’ll find in Scripture of life, delight, joy, and pleasure in the Lord are all eschatological realities that Christ himself has already entered into in his resurrection and ascension and freely gives to you through Spirit-wrought union with him. We must lay hold of these realities by faith, as they are not fully consummated realities yet.

Think of it this way. Jesus has already entered into heaven. Right now, he sits at the right hand of Father with every spiritual blessing. He is living in the fullness of resurrection life. If you are united to Christ by faith, Paul is so bold as to tell you that you are presently seated with him in the heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6). The Father has blessed you with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places through Christ (Ephesians 1:3). You not only died with Christ to sin, but you have also been raised with him as well! This present resurrection is only a spiritual resurrection, which is why we must walk by faith in “the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1).

Second, I want to challenge you to meditate on Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 2:9: “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.”

Whatever you imagine heaven to be, it’s far better! Your mind has no capacity to even begin to comprehend what God has in store for you. While that should keep us humble about speculating what heaven will be like, it shouldn’t stop us from getting excited. To whet your appetite, let’s return to Niagara Falls.

Imagine going to Niagara Falls, and, instead of experiencing a slow diminishment of wonder and delight, your awe at the falls is not only sustained but also increases over time. This is what fellowship and communion with God will be like for all of eternity. Or, for you music lovers, just imagine listening to the same song on repeat thousands of times, and, each time you hear it, it’s sweeter than before! Worshipping the Lord for all of eternity will never get old. There will never come a point when we’ve had enough, when we’ll want to move on to something else.

Knowing God for all of eternity will be like climbing a mountain range. Hiking towards the peak, you expect to reach the end of the range, but, as you come to the summit, you look out ahead to see a dozen more peaks in the distance.² Even in eternity, God will still be the infinite Creator, and we will still be finite creatures. We’ll never exhaust the deepest mysteries of our God. There will always be secret things that only belong to the Lord, but what he will reveal to his people will sustain us for all of eternity and will only get sweeter over time!

Sex is a wonderful gift that God wants married couples to delight in, but, as my former colleague David White liked to say, “In eternity, it will be laughable to think about someone bemoaning a lack of sex here on this earth.” Why will it be laughable? Because we will have everything that sex was pointing towards. Both the delight and the unsatisfied longings that accompany sex should point us towards heaven!

I can think of no better way to end this short reflection than the final stanza of “Amazing Grace.”

When we’ve been there ten thousand years

Bright shining as the sun

We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise

Then when we first begun.³

 


¹ C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers, 2001), 136–137.

² This analogy of the mountain range did not originate with me, but, at this time, I am unaware of any other original source.

³ John Newton, “Amazing Grace,” in Trinity Hymnal (Rev. ed.), no. 460. It is commonly known that Newton did not write this stanza in the original hymn. All that is known is that this version of the hymn was arranged by Edwin O. Excell in 1900.

“What will I do if they make me sign something that goes against my biblical beliefs?”

“How will I feed my family if I lose my job?”

“If we lose federal funding by staying faithful to our convictions, how will our organization survive?”

No doubt many of you have already been asking these very questions in light of bills like the Equality Act, which pose genuine threats to expressions of religious freedom in the United States. To be clear, very real injustices, violence, and hatred of people claiming an LGBTQ+ identity should be abhorrent to all Christians who honor God. Harvest USA is passionate that all people are made in the image of God and deserve to be cared for, respected, and treated with honor and dignity. But Christians are right to be concerned about the government forcing individual Christians or Christian organizations to do things that would go against their beliefs.

While the Equality Act may or may not dramatically change the limits of religious freedom in America, it is hard to deny the general direction that our country is headed in. The Church must face the reality that it is no longer advantageous to be a Christian in the larger culture. For a long time, it was considered a boost to your job resume to attend church regularly, and, to this day, it still seems a prerequisite for the highest public offices in our nation.

But, more and more, we are feeling and experiencing the liabilities that come with faithfully identifying with Jesus Christ. The cross is not only foolish to our culture; it is increasingly seen as dangerous. Faithfully holding to a biblical sexual ethic in the years to come will become even more costly for the church of Jesus Christ. So I ask you, as I need to ask myself, “Have you counted the cost of following Christ?”

Jesus told a great crowd in Luke 14:26–27, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.”

This passage, and many others like it, shares words that the Church in America has always needed to hear. But often, to our spiritual detriment, these warnings have felt largely inapplicable in our lives. Our expectations for life in America have often shown a blatant denial of Paul’s words that, “Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2 Timothy 3:12).

But every believer, every church, every Christian organization in America is being called at this moment to do some spiritual accounting and boldly face the real cost of following Jesus. While I know that I still have much to pray through and many fears that need to be continually submitted to my high priest, I thank the Lord that he has already given me countless examples of men and women at Harvest USA who are showing me what it means to count that cost!

What do I mean by this?

Much of the work we do with men and women seeking out help for sexual struggles revolves around one central question: “Is Jesus worthy of your trust and complete submission?” One of the biggest reasons we often go back to our sins of choice is that we don’t believe that God will take care of us. As Isaiah described it, instead of trusting God to be our light in the darkness, we light our own torches, which results in torment (Isaiah 50:10–11).

The husband who is unwilling to confess his sexual sin to his wife doesn’t believe that God will bring him through the relational pain that would inevitably follow. And so he continues to play the role of the perfect husband, all the while sinking deeper into hidden shame and misery.

The single woman who desperately wants to be known, loved, cherished, and cared for seems to have found what she’s looking for in another woman. She is faced with the gut-wrenching choice of being offered two antithetical paths, wishing she could hold onto Christ while also pursuing what she feels would make her happy.

The young man who, from an early age, has struggled to fit in with his peers finds himself more drawn to his mother than his father, his sisters than his brothers, and even female clothing and makeup. Now he feels the daily pressure from the wider culture to embrace the narrative that he is actually a woman trapped in a man’s body and that to deny this reality would be to live a lie.

The wife whose husband has gravely sinned against her in committing adultery is now faced with the excruciating call to forgive her husband, and pray for him, while her own world is collapsing all around her.

The parents whose child tells them that she is transgender threatens to cut off all relational connection with them if they do not embrace her choice to transition. They desperately want to maintain relationship with their child, but they feel stuck about how to do that.

Each of these men and women are, in their own ways, being forced to count the cost of following Christ. For most of them, this cost is not financial, but relational. It is a sobering reality to sit with a man and call him to do something that may change his life forever. It is heart-wrenching to have to tell him that his obedience may not result in the outcome that he wants. I’ve felt my body shake as I imagine the very real possibility of a future wrought with loneliness, rejection, and difficult consequences as a result of his obedience.

But there are few moments in my life as precious as seeing these men and women count that cost and do so with genuine hope and joy. When someone decides to follow Jesus into the valley of the shadow of death, I’ve never seen them do so despairingly. Without exception, I always see a measure of hope, peace, and even joy as they follow their good Shepherd. If only we could see what is happening spiritually when the Holy Spirit brings that conviction and hope. I firmly believe that I have witnessed miracles in our office that exceed the wonder of walking on water. I have seen brothers and sisters boldly and courageously step out into the storm with their eyes fixed upon Christ! I have seen young men struggling with same-sex attraction, never knowing if God will grant them a spouse, boldly testify that God is their portion, both in this life and in the next. I have seen husbands resolve to confess their sin of adultery to their wives, knowing that it may lead to the end of their marriages. I have seen wives graciously extend costly forgiveness to their husbands, even when their churches and their own families were opposed it.

We get regular front-row seats into the stories of fellow saints carrying heavy crosses. But here’s the key: They don’t carry them alone. None of them do this in their own strength. They do so through abiding in Christ and through genuine fellowship with his Body. The Church in America will not survive if our relationships with one another only stay on the surface. We will not bear up under the pressure if Jesus is not our life and deepest satisfaction.

You may be reading this and asking yourself, “Will I have the strength to lose anything in order to follow Christ?” If you’re concerned with your response, ask yourself these four vital questions:

  1. Have I learned the secret of having plenty, and being full, through Christ who strengthens me? If you haven’t learned Christian contentment in seasons of plenty, you won’t be ready for a season of hunger and want.
  2. Have I been getting through life as a functional lone ranger, or do I have brothers and sisters who truly know me? In times of peace and ease, our sense of need for one another can go numb. But when the true cost of following Christ is put before you, you shouldn’t expect to make the right decision on your own.
  3. Is Jesus my portion in this life and the next? God describes himself in Scripture as a generous Father who knows not only how to provide for his children’s needs but who also loves to give us an abundance of good gifts that show his lavish character. But more than the gifts he gives, God wants us to ultimately rejoice in him, the greatest gift to his people. If you don’t love Jesus more than anything right now, you won’t be ready to lose whatever is required of you for his sake and the gospel.
  4. Am I seeking first his Kingdom and righteousness? Jesus knows that we are prone to anxiety about our earthly needs, and, as our good Shepherd, he doesn’t merely chastise us for our concerns. Instead, he shows us how to live a life of genuine peace and hope. To paraphrase Matthew 6:33, Jesus basically says to his people, “Focus your energy on the Kingdom, and I’ll take care of the rest.”

Working at Harvest USA has shown me that it is possible to hate even my own life as a faithful disciple of Christ. I’ve seen so many men and women do so in our offices to the glory of God. And our Lord’s promise to us is that, if we lose our life for his sake and the gospel’s, then we will save it (Mark 8:35).

The following is meant to help those who are weary in their battle to overcome sin and who need help knowing how to pray and cry out to God for a fresh start.

Father, I’m scared…

I’m scared of many things. I’m scared of people finding out who I really am. I’m scared of seeing their faces when they hear about my sexual sin. I’m scared of the consequences not only for me but also for those I love if this ever gets out. I’m scared of being seen as a fraud, a pervert, a hypocrite. I’m scared that everyone will abandon me, and I’ll be alone in my sin and shame. I’m scared of wearing a scarlet A for the rest of my life.

But, Lord, I’m also scared of my heart growing colder and colder towards you. I’m scared of what this sin is doing to me and how it is destroying my mind and thought life. I’m scared that I’ve already gone far deeper into places of sin and darkness than I ever expected, and that maybe I’ll go even further. I’m scared that I’m not really your child; what if I’m just fooling myself into thinking I am? There are so many parts of the Bible I avoid because I know they expose me and my hypocrisy. It’s been so long since I’ve read your Word with delight because I’m constantly bombarded with guilt and fear when I read it.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want a third way! I want an easy way out. I want to be truly known and loved, but I don’t want people to know these things about me.

Jesus, you tell me in your Word that you are the Good Shepherd who leaves the 99 to go after the one lost sheep. I know you’ve come for me. I sense your Spirit convicting me. I used to be able to live a double life with ease and even excitement. But now I feel like David in Psalm 32 when he said, “For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.”

Lord, I feel your heavy hand upon me, and I cannot escape your conviction. I have to tell others. The thought of putting on a fake smile for one more Sunday is too much! I’m so tired of hearing compliments from others when I know they would take them all back in a second if they knew the truth. Their words of encouragement sting! Their affirmation leaves me feeling even more empty!

I know the only way forward is to follow you, Jesus, into the valley of the shadow of death. I confess that I struggle to believe that you too won’t abandon me there. I’m not sure I even know what it means for your rod and staff to comfort me—because I’ve rejected your comfort for so long in exchange for the comforts of sin. You’re asking me to trust you with something that would be completely new for me. And yet, Lord, even now, I do sense your Spirit comforting me. As painful and scary as it is, I feel a strange comfort at the thought of surrendering my life completely to you. Is this what Paul meant when he said that your peace, which surpasses all understanding, will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus?

Father, Abba Father, I need to confess to you that I have made so many excuses for why it was right for me to hide. I don’t know whether I really believed them or not, but I kept justifying myself, and I kept hoping that somehow you’d excuse me too. I made the excuse that telling the truth would hurt people too much, and I wanted to spare them of that pain. Forgive me, Father, for I know that wasn’t really true. It wasn’t ultimately about sparing them pain—I was really protecting myself. I didn’t want to feel the pain of causing others pain. In my heart, I know that telling the truth is not what ultimately causes them pain; my actions have done that. If I really cared about them as I said I did, I wouldn’t have done these things over and over again for so long.

I need your grace, Lord, to get me through this. I don’t have what it takes. I don’t have the strength to see my loved ones hurting so much and not turn inwards on myself. I want to truly grieve with them and not sink into self-pity and despair. How could I possibly love someone this way when I feel so wretched about myself?

Jesus, did you really bear all of my sin on the cross? Did you take the shame, the mocking, the scorn, the beating, the nails, and the wrath of the Father because you love me and want me to live in freedom? Do you really love me? Do you see my sin? Do you really see the decades of hiding, of living for myself, and still want me?

Right now, Jesus, as weak as my faith is, I’m trying to believe you and take you at your word because you said, “Whoever comes to me I will never cast out.” Lord, I come to you for cleansing, for forgiveness, and for redemption. I can’t fix myself. I can’t clean myself up. I am utterly in need of you to restore me.

I’m so scared of the shame and the scorn, but you took that shame upon yourself in love so that, “Everyone who believes in you will not be put to shame.” Lord, if I expose my sin to others, I know I will feel shame. And I know others will seek to shame me further. But I believe. I pray that you would help my unbelief, that at the final day, I would not be put to shame if I trust in you. In spite of my sin, I will be raised, and when you appear in your glory, Jesus, I will appear with you in glory!

Jesus, I died with you. I have been crucified with you. It is no longer I who live, but you who live in me. Help me to no longer walk by sight but by faith in you, the Son of God, who loved me and gave yourself for me. Hallelujah! All I have is Christ!

Help me, Father, to see that I am fundamentally beloved in Christ; while I was still your enemy, you loved me so much that you sent your Son to die for me. I have no argument against that! I only plead with you to give me the grace to believe this more and more each day.

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, in view of your great mercy towards me, I commit to telling ________ about my sin today! I’m picking up the phone right now to tell them that I need to talk with them about something very important, and I commit to setting a date and time to speak with them. Holy Spirit, give me your words to speak. Help me not to just spew details that are too specific, but to speak truthfully and appropriately. Lord, right now, I ask that you would make their ears and heart ready to receive this very painful news. Prepare _______’s heart to turn quickly to you, Jesus, as the one who wants to bear our burdens. Bring others around them for support in this devastating news. Guard me against wanting a quick resolution, and prepare me for whatever the response may be. I confess that I want quick reconciliation, but, Lord, even if that never comes on this side of glory, help me to continue to trust you.

I love you, Lord. I know that life is going to become very difficult. But there’s no other way, and I’m done with doing things my way. I thank you for your peace right now, and I pray for peace for my loved ones. Guide me, Savior; lead me. I thank you for being with me in this time of prayer, and I ask your blessing upon this step of faith, in the name of my Savior Jesus Christ, who loved me and gave himself for me. Amen!

A complex web of mixed emotions, circumstances, and motivations lead us to feel like victims—and we have all felt this way at some point. On one hand, none of us wants to feel like a victim of our circumstances. It makes us feel powerless, frustrated, ashamed, and hopeless. But, on the other hand, a victim mentality unlocks endless opportunities for justifying escapist behaviors that, at the very least, make our difficult circumstances a little more bearable. Perhaps in no other setting does our sin feel so justified as when we see ourselves fundamentally as victims.

Let me give you an example of this dynamic:

Frank is 50 years old, works a demanding job in sales, and has a boss who is slow to compliment and quick to criticize. He is married with four children, and he is the sole breadwinner for the family. He often fears getting fired from his job and being unable to provide for his family. This leads him to work long hours, and, with the little time he’s able to sleep, he’s often kept awake by anxious thoughts.

Frank’s wife is frustrated with his lack of attention to her and the kids. The only day he’s not working in some capacity is Sunday, and he typically spends the majority of the day sleeping and watching TV. His wife has tried many times to address his lack of engagement with their children, and she’s worried about their oldest son, who has been caught with marijuana on three separate occasions.

Frank feels like a victim. At work, he’s unappreciated and expected to be on call any hour of the day. At home, he feels the same thing from his wife. He doesn’t think she appreciates how much he does by providing for the family, and all he hears from her are complaints. This has led Frank to seek out conversations with women through a phone-sex hotline. Frank feels that these women are the only people who care about him, who listen to his problems, legitimize his pain, and make him feel special.

For Frank—and all of us—his experience of feeling like a victim is a mixture of legitimate and illegitimate grievances. He is genuinely mistreated and taken advantage of as an employee, but he misjudges his wife’s concerns as expressing the same critical spirit as his boss. Frank lacks discernment, and, in his isolation, he paints everyone in his life with the same broad brush. He finds himself in an ever-descending experience of never feeling adequate, and he blames everyone else in his life, including God.

What Frank needs is holistic, gospel ministry. He needs someone who will speak the whole truth in love to him. That means addressing both his suffering and his sin because that is how Jesus ministers to us. He both heals and rebukes. He ministers with a gracious, gentle touch—but also with clear calls to repentance. In John 5, Jesus heals an invalid who couldn’t walk for 38 years and then tells him, “Sin no more.” Jesus meets us holistically in all of our needs.

Here are four ways you could help Frank:

1. Validate his suffering—Jesus cares about the fact that Frank is kept up at night with anxiety and exhaustion. As Jesus indwells Frank through the Holy Spirit, he is intimately near him in his pain. Jesus knows what it is to stay up all night in torment of the soul. He knows what it means to be mistreated, abused, unfairly criticized, and maligned. He’s not ashamed to call Frank his brother! Jesus is on the side of those who suffer injustice.

2. Rebuke his sinful response to suffering—Frank is sinning in many ways. He is neglecting his wife and children. He is committing adultery and covering it up with lies and deceit. And he justifies these actions by fundamentally identifying as a victim. But this mentality has not led to a response of faith. God gives us a clear opportunity in our sufferings to turn to him for help. Frank’s greatest sin is one of unbelief. He doesn’t believe that God is an ever-present help. He doesn’t believe that God is a God of justice. He doesn’t believe Isaiah 30:15: “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength.” Instead, Frank is doing what the Israelites did in their affliction from enemy invaders. Isaiah goes onto say, “But you were unwilling, and you said, ‘No! We will flee upon horses.’”

Frank has been unwilling to return to God. He’s been unwilling to quiet his soul before the Lord and find his strength and salvation in trusting and resting in God. Instead, he finds false strength in blaming everyone in his life. He seeks comfort and understanding from people who don’t love him and only want his money.

3. Show him Christ’s heart—Jesus sees Frank holistically. There isn’t one moment of suffering or affliction that Jesus misses or forgets. There isn’t one sinful response of Frank’s heart that goes unnoticed. Jesus knows Frank perfectly. Jesus looks him in the eyes with love and says, “I long to be gracious to you, and I exalt myself in showing you mercy. I am a God of justice, and you will be blessed if you wait for me” (paraphrase of Isaiah 30:18). Christ invites Frank into an embrace of forgiveness, protection, comfort, and rest. Frank has but to believe and turn to him!

4. Show him Christ’s power—Frank’s identifying as a victim kills any motivation to love others. Each complaint or criticism just adds fuel to a self-focused pursuit of comfort. But, in union with Christ, Frank has the supernatural ability to respond to criticism in two fundamentally new ways:

1) First, because of the righteousness of Christ imputed to Frank, he has the freedom to acknowledge his sin and failure with his family. He is able to own his sin without his identity being crushed because he has been made righteous in Christ. He’s even able to genuinely grieve his sin against his family and work to change the priorities of his life. Only by living out of our new identity in Christ do we have the ability to receive legitimate criticism.

2) Secondly, Frank is able to respond to his company’s injustice and abuse with long-suffering Christlikeness because the Spirit of the resurrected Christ abides within Frank, giving him new life. In 1 Peter 2:23, Peter tells us that when Jesus “was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.” Jesus is the true Israelite who responded to God’s call in Isaiah 30 perfectly. Jesus rested in his Father’s care. His strength came from a quiet trust in God. Jesus is the blessed man who waited on the Lord.

Even more amazingly, Jesus willingly subjected himself to this abuse because he loves Frank. Peter goes on in verse 24 to say, “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.” Jesus’ unjust death and suffering purchased for us the forgiving and sanctifying power of salvation. Because Jesus suffered victoriously on our behalf, Peter’s response is the same as Isaiah’s: “For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls” (verse 25).

Do you feel like a victim? Are you using your experience as an excuse to continue in sin? Return to the Lord, and receive the comfort he can provide by changing your mentality. “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”

In our culture, the norm is that men don’t open up to each other. Our conversations typically revolve around safe topics, like sports, work, and home projects. But this is not the scriptural norm for men in the Church. Men need other men in their lives in real ways—to fight a real battle that has eternal consequence!

To learn more about this topic, consider purchasing Sexual Sanity for Men: Re-Creating Your Mind in a Crazy Culture by David White or Hide or Seek: When Men Get Real with God About Sex by John Freeman. When you buy these books from Harvest USA, 100% of your purchase will benefit our ministry.

You can also read the blog, “How Christian Fellowship Makes a Difference in Overcoming Sexual Sin,” which corresponds to this video.

Greg, a member of one of our biblical support groups, recently described the history of his fight with sexual sin. “It was a never-ending cycle of shame, embarrassment, and hiding. I had tried confiding in a friend, seeking advice from an elder, meeting with a pastor, going to individual and couples counseling, even attending a men’s weekend dealing with men’s issues. They all led to a series of temporary fixes. I would be fine for a season and then fall back into my old patterns.”

Many churches struggle to foster meaningful fellowship among men. Even with weekly opportunities to gather for mutual encouragement, those gatherings rarely meet men where they are really struggling. Why is this? Is it a church culture issue? Is the problem individual pride? Should we blame the busyness of our lives? There are many reasons why Christian men lack genuine relationships that foster vulnerability and trust, but the fact remains that countless men struggle secretly with sin, guilt, shame, and despair.

The following testimonies from men who have attended Harvest USA’s biblical support groups highlight what is possible when three things are present among a fellowship of Christian men:

  • A genuine desire and commitment to grow in Christlikeness
  • A confidential, supportive space for men to share truthfully about secret struggles that have imprisoned them in shame
  • A gospel-centered, Bible-saturated approach to discipleship that keeps Christ at the center of every meeting


Greg’s Story Continues

The rest of Greg’s story shows how these elements, as part of the work of God’s Spirit in his life and heart, have finally helped him turn a corner:

“Looking back now, the problem wasn’t with previous forms of intervention; the problem was with me. I still fundamentally thought I could handle things on my own. That deep-seeded pride, along with fears of what people would think about me if they truly knew me, led me to hold back from truly opening up to these people who sought to love me.

But then, two years ago, I had a major fall. It led to an in-house separation from my wife when we slept in separate bedrooms. I was broken! Where could I go? How many people had I hurt? Then my pastor accompanied me to my first meeting at Harvest USA.

I had to wait a couple of months before Harvest USA’s introductory group would start. It was suggested that I attend their open group. I did. I went the first night, scared to death. What would people think of me?

When I arrived, I saw a room filled with at least 20 other guys. That night, I discovered that I was not the only one with this struggle, which deeply encouraged me.

On the first night of the introductory group, over 15 men were there. I went in thinking that this must be the program for me. But I still thought that I had to do everything in my own strength. Over time, I realized it was Christ in me that would ultimately change my heart.

The staff and volunteers of Harvest USA are trained to facilitate this program by pointing you to Christ and to the Scriptures that reveal him. They come alongside and support you by giving you the opportunity to be transparent, to deal with your shame, to deal with your pain with a group of guys who, although coming from diverse backgrounds, all shared so much in common (1 Corinthians 10:13).

I leaned into the process; I trusted Christ to change my heart. Our group dwindled down as time went on. But the men who stayed…have been blessed, and trust is being built in our marriages. We pray for one another. We encourage one another. We confess to one another.”

Christian Fellowship Impacts Another Man

Another group member describes the same experience of God’s power working through a group of men centered on Christ and committed to honesty about sin:

“Prior to Harvest, I was attending church. However, I was still struggling with old habits that were deeply engrained in my life. I knew that I needed help.

Being in a group setting with a Christ-centered format where you were expected to be honest and transparent about your struggles in the presence of others was foreign to me. What made it more palatable was the fact that, surprisingly, I wasn’t alone.

During the group sessions, I felt supported through the groups’ prayers and the effect of those prayers. I also had accountability from both the facilitators and other group members. Because of the transparency and the level of accountability, it set the bar higher for change.

Also, from the curriculum and the facilitators, I learned new truths in the Bible that I’d never understood previously, which opened my understanding of God’s true plan for every believer. Through prayer, I watched my life change gradually.

The discipleship I received allowed me to share things I had been holding inside for 40 years. I bonded with my brothers, and we are still in contact and supporting one another even after the program ended.

After attending Harvest, there has been a positive change in my relationship with God. Sin that entangled me has been greatly diminished. Although I will continue to be tempted, the grip that my sinful behavior had is not the same, and I can now resist. My life truly has been changed. My worldview and my confidence and trust in God’s power to keep me are much stronger, and I continue to grow in my life to this day.”

A Long Obedience in the Same Direction

The famous line, “A long obedience in the same direction,” captures well the hope of every Christian. We know in this life that a fierce battle between the Spirit and the flesh will always rage. But what I have seen in these two men is indicative of so many men who walk through Harvest USA’s doors. Before coming to Harvest, at best, they experienced short obediences and scattered lives that took them in multiple directions, in opposition to the saying above. They were committed deacons who also solicited prostitutes. They were successful CEOs who didn’t know any other way to handle stress besides pornography.

What is more staggering is that the majority of the men to whom we minister are in faithful, gospel-preaching churches. We aren’t telling them a lot of things they don’t already know. What was missing?

Christian men need a context for slow growth in obedience, but most churches don’t have that context when it comes to struggles with sexual sin. They don’t have a band of brothers who will stick with them for the long haul. But this is possible for your church. The Men’s Ministry at Harvest USA seeks to set the table for men who want to repent. I am convinced that your church is full of these men. How will you set the table for them and invite them into the brotherhood?


You can also watch the video, “Men, Don’t Engage in Warfare Alone,” which corresponds to this blog.

We serve not so that people will serve attend to us in return, but because we are ultimately serving our King. We live for him first and foremost.

To learn more about this topic, consider purchasing one of our resources, such as Sexual Sanity for Men by David White and What’s Wrong with a Little Porn When You’re Single? by R. Nicholas Black. When you buy these books from Harvest USA, 100% of your purchase will benefit our ministry.

You can also read the blog, “Techniques Don’t Offer Life—Christ Does,” which corresponds to this video.

Do non-Christians care about sexual sin, particularly behaviors like masturbation that our culture views as benign? Believe it or not, many do! There are even online support groups for unbelievers who are particularly focused on stopping behaviors like masturbation and pornography. Groups such as Sexaholics Anonymous have very stringent standards for sobriety, and yet many of the people who regularly attend would not claim to follow Christ.

Through the biblical category of “common grace,” we can acknowledge that someone can overcome addictive sexual behaviors and still be dead in their sins. What this means is that a biblical approach to repentance must have a deeper aim beyond mere behavioral change.

At the root of all true Christian ministry stands not a technique, but the person and work of Jesus Christ. Whatever good people may attain through techniques, they are of zero lasting benefit if those techniques do not lead them to Christ. Jesus said as much in John 5:39–40:“You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life” (ESV).

At some point or another in our lives, aren’t we all guilty of reading Scripture merely to check it off our lists? It is a sobering thought that even reading the Bible can itself become a technique devoid of Christ and therefore have no power to give life to the reader. If you are seeking to offer hope to someone stuck in slavery to sexual sin, or if you yourself need hope, you must keep their—and your—eyes fixed on the only person who can give eternal life in whatever techniques you offer.

Your goal in helping a brother or sister should be the same goal of the apostle John in writing his gospel. John said, “These are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name” (John 20:31).

At first glance, you might hear John’s words only in an evangelistic context. You might say, “My brother or sister already believes in Jesus, but they still struggle with sin.” Certainly, if you only see belief in Jesus as an entrance into life and not the way of life, then you will forfeit any power to fight sin.

Faith in Christ unites us to him and all of his saving benefits. Through Spirit-wrought faith, a believer has passed from death to life. Their old nature died with Christ, and their new nature was raised to walk in newness of life. The believer’s new life is fundamentally sustained by the one who said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life” (John 14:6).

This life that Christ gives is not limited to the moment of regeneration but is instead a constant wellspring that sustains you through your eternal union with Christ. Every second of eternal life that you enjoy both now and forever will be inextricably linked to your union with Christ.

John uniquely highlights Christ’s life-giving power in almost every chapter of his gospel. Jesus frequently speaks of eternal life that he alone can give. But this gift is not something outside of him; Jesus offers himself. Here is a sample of these statements:

  • “In him was life, and the life was the light of men” (John 1:4).
  • “For as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, so also the Son gives life to whom he will” (John 5:21).
  • “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst”
    (John 6:35).
  • “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly”
    (John 10:10).
  • “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live” (John 11:25).

Without specifically using the word “life” in John 15, Jesus speaks of the utmost necessity of abiding in him for bearing any good fruit. He says, “Apart from me, you can do nothing.” Jesus uses the metaphor of a vine and branches to clearly illustrate that a branch cut off from the vine has no life.

What this means practically is that your primary aim as a helper for those struggling with sin is pointing them to the way, the truth, and the life. Are other things needed to overcome sexual sin? Yes. People need community. People need to cut off access to temptation. People need to confess their sins and learn how to love others instead of consuming them. But all of those efforts and means of repenting have no eternal power if they are cut off from Christ.

In response to Walter Marshall’s classic work, The Gospel Mystery of Sanctification, Bruce McRae writes in a footnote about the spiritual disciplines, or means of grace, “These ‘means of grace’ are not what you do to attain holiness; they are what bring you into a deeper fellowship with Christ who makes you more holy.”¹

Your life, Christian, is only found in Christ. More than any other activity or responsibility you have today, may your first and primary goal be to abide in Christ. Your life is so united to the life of Christ that you can say with the apostle Paul, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).

¹ In his book, Walter Marshall outlines nine different means of grace: reading Scripture; examining one’s life by the Scriptures; meditating on Scripture; baptism; the Lord’s Supper; prayer; singing; fasting; and fellowship and relationships with other Christians in the Church.

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You can also watch the video, “Serving Self or Serving Christ,” which corresponds to this blog.

The story of the Israelites wandering in the wilderness is an oft-used example for illustrating unbelief. Even after God rescued them from the Egyptians, the Israelites complained, rebelled, lacked faith, and committed some serious idolatry. If you’re like me, you can easily shake your head in disapproval over their glaring sins. But why do we so easily judge them? Is it just because we’re so proud and arrogant and think we could do better? On some level, yes. But in a positive sense, I believe, as observers, we rightly and readily see the folly of their unbelief. The reason we perceive their sin so clearly is because we see the bigger picture. On the front end, we see how miraculously God saved them from Egypt. But even more powerfully, we already know how their wilderness journey ends. We know that God will bring them safely into the Promised Land, and that he will deliver their enemies into their hands. This is why it’s so distressing to read the account of the spies returning from Canaan. We agonize over the passage, wishing the people of Israel could hear us when we cry out, “Listen to Joshua and Caleb! The land is yours; God will fight for you!”

This kind of strong confidence in God’s ability to accomplish his purposes for his people is a desired result of reading God’s Word. We should read the story of the Old Testament and come away from it lamenting the people’s sin and praising God for his grace and faithfulness.

But the problem we run into is that we don’t understand how similar Israel’s story is to our own. This is why Hebrews is such a necessary book for every Christian, especially Christians who are struggling. Hebrews tells us that the Church in this age is marked by a people traveling through the wilderness. Just like the Israelites, we’ve experienced a miraculous salvation out of slavery. We are now a free people in Christ, and God dwells in our midst through the Holy Spirit. But we are also a people who haven’t yet made it home. Hebrews is written to warn the Church to not give up in the wilderness. As the author of Hebrews describes our situation, “There remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God” (Hebrews 4:9).

What does the wilderness mean for God’s people? It involves suffering, groaning, longing, danger, discouragement. What does the wilderness require for God’s people? It requires faith, hope, endurance, patience, remembering what God has done, and calling to mind what God has promised.

Giving into sexual sin is essentially telling God, “I’m tired of the wilderness. I’m tired of this manna. I’m tired of waiting for you to bring me home. Look, right over there is a great plot of land, with ample water, and a home custom-built for me. I’m not following you anymore; I’m going to settle right here.”

Brothers and sisters, just like we want to shout at the spies in Numbers 13, Hebrews 12 tells us that there is a great cloud of witnesses, made up of all of God’s people who have finished their wilderness wanderings, who have made it home. They are pleading with us, “Don’t settle there; don’t give up! Keep going, keep trusting, keep your eyes fixed on Christ. He will bring you safely home!”

As you know, love, and care for people who are struggling with sexual sin in the wilderness, here are a few ways you can pray for them, based on the book of Hebrews. You could also pray these prayers for yourself:

“Father, protect my brother from an evil unbelieving heart. Help me to speak the truth in love. Take my exhortations and use them to guard his heart against the deceitfulness of sin.” (Hebrews 3:12–13)

“Jesus, usher my friend gently into your throne room of grace. Bring to her mind all of the ways you have suffered through temptation, yet have not sinned, so that she finds grace in her time of need from you, her sympathetic high priest.” (Hebrews 4:14–16)

“Lord, I see how easily he loses heart in the midst of suffering. He struggles to trust in your promises when sin offers tangible relief right now. Point him to Jesus, our forerunner, who has already entered into the highest heaven, becoming a high priest forever interceding for him, so that he might no longer be tossed to and fro but have a steadfast anchor for his soul.” (Hebrews 6:19–20)

“Merciful Father, when she is tempted, help her to believe that in this very moment, Jesus is praying for her.” (Hebrews 7:25)

“Gracious Lord Jesus, help me to know how to stir him up to love and good works. Give me strength and wisdom to encourage him, because the day of your coming is drawing near, and we want to be found doing our Father’s will.” (Hebrews 10:24-25)

“O Lord, my sister sees what so many other people have in this world, and she struggles to understand why you would keep that from her. Guard her heart from despair and selfishness. Instead, may a deepening anticipation and knowledge of her better and abiding possession in the heavenly places move her towards compassion and love for those in need.” (Hebrews 10:34)

“Heavenly Father, my brother has trained his mind for years to live only for what he can see with his eyes. He struggles to see any reward by drawing near to you in faith. Protect him from throwing away his eternal inheritance for a single meal.” (Hebrews 11:6, 12:16)

“Our great shepherd and forerunner, give me spiritual sight to see a better country from afar. Give me the grace to embrace my pilgrim identity. Grant me a holy longing for a heavenly homeland, and remind me that you are preparing a city for me to dwell in forever.” (Hebrews 11:13–16)


You can also watch the video, “Doubting God’s Help in Our Time of Need,” which corresponds to this blog.

True heart change is never a one-step process. And prayer is not an exchange with God that automatically makes us feel a certain way.

To learn more about this topic, consider purchasing one of our resources, such as What’s Wrong with a Little Porn When You’re Single? by R. Nicholas Black and How to Say No When Your Body Says “Yes” by Dan Wilson. When you buy these books from Harvest USA, 100% of your purchase will benefit our ministry.

You can also read the blog, “Prayers for a Wilderness People,” which corresponds to this video.


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