How Christian Fellowship Makes a Difference in Overcoming Sexual Sin
Greg, a member of one of our biblical support groups, recently described the history of his fight with sexual sin. “It was a never-ending cycle of shame, embarrassment, and hiding. I had tried confiding in a friend, seeking advice from an elder, meeting with a pastor, going to individual and couples counseling, even attending a men’s weekend dealing with men’s issues. They all led to a series of temporary fixes. I would be fine for a season and then fall back into my old patterns.”
Many churches struggle to foster meaningful fellowship among men. Even with weekly opportunities to gather for mutual encouragement, those gatherings rarely meet men where they are really struggling. Why is this? Is it a church culture issue? Is the problem individual pride? Should we blame the busyness of our lives? There are many reasons why Christian men lack genuine relationships that foster vulnerability and trust, but the fact remains that countless men struggle secretly with sin, guilt, shame, and despair.
The following testimonies from men who have attended Harvest USA’s biblical support groups highlight what is possible when three things are present among a fellowship of Christian men:
- A genuine desire and commitment to grow in Christlikeness
- A confidential, supportive space for men to share truthfully about secret struggles that have imprisoned them in shame
- A gospel-centered, Bible-saturated approach to discipleship that keeps Christ at the center of every meeting
Greg’s Story Continues
The rest of Greg’s story shows how these elements, as part of the work of God’s Spirit in his life and heart, have finally helped him turn a corner:
“Looking back now, the problem wasn’t with previous forms of intervention; the problem was with me. I still fundamentally thought I could handle things on my own. That deep-seeded pride, along with fears of what people would think about me if they truly knew me, led me to hold back from truly opening up to these people who sought to love me.
But then, two years ago, I had a major fall. It led to an in-house separation from my wife when we slept in separate bedrooms. I was broken! Where could I go? How many people had I hurt? Then my pastor accompanied me to my first meeting at Harvest USA.
I had to wait a couple of months before Harvest USA’s introductory group would start. It was suggested that I attend their open group. I did. I went the first night, scared to death. What would people think of me?
When I arrived, I saw a room filled with at least 20 other guys. That night, I discovered that I was not the only one with this struggle, which deeply encouraged me.
On the first night of the introductory group, over 15 men were there. I went in thinking that this must be the program for me. But I still thought that I had to do everything in my own strength. Over time, I realized it was Christ in me that would ultimately change my heart.
The staff and volunteers of Harvest USA are trained to facilitate this program by pointing you to Christ and to the Scriptures that reveal him. They come alongside and support you by giving you the opportunity to be transparent, to deal with your shame, to deal with your pain with a group of guys who, although coming from diverse backgrounds, all shared so much in common (1 Corinthians 10:13).
I leaned into the process; I trusted Christ to change my heart. Our group dwindled down as time went on. But the men who stayed…have been blessed, and trust is being built in our marriages. We pray for one another. We encourage one another. We confess to one another.”
Christian Fellowship Impacts Another Man
Another group member describes the same experience of God’s power working through a group of men centered on Christ and committed to honesty about sin:
“Prior to Harvest, I was attending church. However, I was still struggling with old habits that were deeply engrained in my life. I knew that I needed help.
Being in a group setting with a Christ-centered format where you were expected to be honest and transparent about your struggles in the presence of others was foreign to me. What made it more palatable was the fact that, surprisingly, I wasn’t alone.
During the group sessions, I felt supported through the groups’ prayers and the effect of those prayers. I also had accountability from both the facilitators and other group members. Because of the transparency and the level of accountability, it set the bar higher for change.
Also, from the curriculum and the facilitators, I learned new truths in the Bible that I’d never understood previously, which opened my understanding of God’s true plan for every believer. Through prayer, I watched my life change gradually.
The discipleship I received allowed me to share things I had been holding inside for 40 years. I bonded with my brothers, and we are still in contact and supporting one another even after the program ended.
After attending Harvest, there has been a positive change in my relationship with God. Sin that entangled me has been greatly diminished. Although I will continue to be tempted, the grip that my sinful behavior had is not the same, and I can now resist. My life truly has been changed. My worldview and my confidence and trust in God’s power to keep me are much stronger, and I continue to grow in my life to this day.”
A Long Obedience in the Same Direction
The famous line, “A long obedience in the same direction,” captures well the hope of every Christian. We know in this life that a fierce battle between the Spirit and the flesh will always rage. But what I have seen in these two men is indicative of so many men who walk through Harvest USA’s doors. Before coming to Harvest, at best, they experienced short obediences and scattered lives that took them in multiple directions, in opposition to the saying above. They were committed deacons who also solicited prostitutes. They were successful CEOs who didn’t know any other way to handle stress besides pornography.
What is more staggering is that the majority of the men to whom we minister are in faithful, gospel-preaching churches. We aren’t telling them a lot of things they don’t already know. What was missing?
Christian men need a context for slow growth in obedience, but most churches don’t have that context when it comes to struggles with sexual sin. They don’t have a band of brothers who will stick with them for the long haul. But this is possible for your church. The Men’s Ministry at Harvest USA seeks to set the table for men who want to repent. I am convinced that your church is full of these men. How will you set the table for them and invite them into the brotherhood?
You can also watch the video, “Men, Don’t Engage in Warfare Alone,” which corresponds to this blog.