understanding asexuality biblically
July 11, 2024

Understanding Asexuality Biblically: How to Help

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Asexuality, sometimes referred to as “ace,” is an increasingly popular identity marker that describes people who experience little or no sexual attraction to others. How can we begin understanding asexuality through a biblical lens?

Those who identify as ace may see themselves on a spectrum that includes their emotional, physical, and romantic attraction to others. Unlike celibacy, which is the choice to refrain from sexual behaviors, asexuality is seen as an identity rather than a choice. Ace identification is on the rise. By 2019, 86% of those in the USA identifying as asexual were female—a number which I will assume has grown since then—and out of those, a whopping 91% are in Generation Z (ages 18­–27).

Within the context of a Christian worldview, where self-control over one’s sexual desire is a right aim, could it be a good thing for single men and women to identify as asexual? How can pastors, church leaders, and helpers think biblically about this growing identity marker? 

Understanding Asexuality: A Neutral Identification?

While there is nothing new under the sun (Eccl. 1:9), this certainly feels new to some. In conversations with ministry leaders about asexuality, I have found many scratching their heads. I will say upfront that Harvest USA would not encourage anyone to identify as asexual—or to create any kind of identity out of our desires, for that matter. For Christians, a significant part of discipleship is practically living out of and believing our truest identity—that we are united to Christ! But it’s also important to remember that not having sexual desires is not automatically a sin. When walking with someone grappling with their lack of sexual desire, there’s a vast difference between someone who simply has little to no sexual desire and someone who adopts a sexual identity out of their lack of sexual desire.

A Framework for Helping Those Who Identify as Asexual

If someone tells you they are asexual, it’s important to first have a posture of curiosity, care, and concern. Think of this identity marker as a check engine light on the dashboard. Often, choosing to identify as ace is an indication of a deeper issue that may not be immediately apparent. Young people who choose to identify as ace have higher rates of depression and anxiety compared to other LGBTQ+ identities. The check engine light is on. Something needs tending, repair, or attention. 

Here are a few things to consider when walking with someone who is finding a home in an asexual identity. 

1. Do They Have a Biblical Worldview?

A biblical lens is vital for the spiritual formation of new and mature Christians alike. For some Christians, what they read online about asexuality may truly describe their experience. They may feel “at home” with this label. This presents a beautiful discipleship opportunity that has much broader application beyond identifying as asexual. What is a Christian response when a description of personhood feels true? How do Christians think about who they are and how they define themselves? Even mature Christians may not have given these questions much thought. 

In our postmodern age, we understand inner psychological feelings and desires (or the lack thereof) to define our personhood. This is where the idea of living an “authentic” life comes from. The logic is that if you have particular feelings or, in this case, you seem to lack certain feelings, it is part of your journey of self-discovery to define, announce, and cultivate that identity. In a discourse on growth in Christ, Paul speaks of those outside the household of God who, “in the futility of their minds are darkened in their understanding . . .” (Eph. 4:17–18).

Sinful actions and identities grow from darkened understanding, and this is why Paul goes on to say, “That is not the way you learned Christ!” (Eph. 4:20). It is not a given that we will understand life in this world without discipleship. We must “learn Christ” in all things. This means grappling with any other identity that we seek to hold and weighing it by the Word of God. 

2. How Have They Suffered?

Has this person experienced suffering around sexuality, marriage, or the opposite sex? Suffering can have a profound shaping influence on us, but thankfully not one that fully determines and defines our future. There may be very good reasons why someone identifying as asexual wants nothing to do with sex or sexuality. Have compassion for their pain and encourage them that avoidance, or an identity that rejects sex, is not the healing solution for their hearts. Will you encourage them that Jesus binds up the brokenhearted?

3. What Are Their Peer Influences?

An ace identity may feel right for younger teens or pre-teens simply because they’ve not entered puberty yet or experienced awakened sexual desires. Or, perhaps identifying as straight and cisgender is unpopular in their friend group and ace is an accessible identity for belonging. For others, their peer group is over-sexualized and they can’t relate to the ways their classmates talk about porn, sex, and hooking up. It’s led them to wonder if they’re asexual after all. How might you help this person assess the voices of peers and culture in their orbit according to God’s Word?

For the Person Concerned with Their Lack of Sexual Desire

Though it may be typical for adults to experience sexual desire, after exploring things like trauma, non-biblical worldviews, and fear, it may become clear that God has given this person a special grace in their singleness—or, as Paul calls it, “undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:35). Perhaps this person without sexual desire is simply free from distraction—and for that, you can rejoice with them! 

A woman I know confided in me that she hasn’t experienced much sexual attraction over her adult life. Though she wondered at times if something was wrong with her, she’s grown to appreciate the grace of not being tempted. She has a faithful testimony of love and service to others, bearing much fruit for God’s kingdom. She remains open to the possibility of marriage and trusts God to awaken that desire toward a man if that is his will. But her primary focus is to be yielded to God’s will, not to identify herself based on a lack of desire. 

Exploring these questions requires trust and safety in the relationship. If you yourself are grappling with asexuality, be sure to check out my other article on this topic, Am I Asexual?

More resources you might like:

Caitlin McCaffrey

Director of Women's Ministry

Caitlin McCaffrey is the Director of Women’s Ministry at Harvest USA. She holds a BA in liberal studies from The Master’s University and an MA in teaching with an emphasis in applied behavior analysis from National University. She is a board-certified behavior analyst and certified brain injury specialist with training in trauma recovery and biblical counseling.

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