The Gender Gap, Anti-Christian Culture, and Online Dating for Christians

You’ve likely heard about the gender gap^[1] within Generation Z—those born between 1997 and 2012. Today’s young men and women are socially disconnecting and segregating from one another, making it more difficult for Christian young people to meet and get to know potential future spouses. Could online dating for Christians be one way to bridge this gap? How can believing singles engage in online dating in a way that honors Christ and pursues healthy, embodied living?

Is the Gender Gap Really That Bad?

Statistics show division between men and women in at least the following spheres of society:        

• Higher education: More women than men are completing bachelor programs, and men are showing disinterest in entering higher education compared to women.^[2]  

• The workplace: More young men than women are remaining unemployed, and there is a specific shift of men moving away from white-collar employment to blue-collar workplaces.^[3]

• Social spaces: Men and women are divided in their convictions about many social topics. This practically separates them into disconnected social spaces, both online and in person.^[4]  

• Religious communities: There are fundamental differences between how young men^[5] and young women are expressing their faith, which leads to differences in where they choose to participate in corporate worship and religious community.^[6] 

• Social anxiety: Broadly, Gen Z has developed “interaction anxiety,” leading to a significant decrease in their desire for “face-to-face conversations.”^[7]  

Historically, these aspects of life—church, work, school, and social activity—brought men and women together, creating opportunities for connecting with possible dates. However, for those of Gen Z entering adulthood, these social contexts are becoming as polarized for the sexes as the rest of our culture, leaving many discouraged by a lack of dating prospects. 

Christian Dating in an Anti-Christian Culture

The term “Anti-Christian Culture” has gained traction with many Christians in defining the state of Western society. Statistics and experience agree that the Western world is becoming increasingly anti-Christian; Christianity is in a decline, and that means there are fewer Christians to date.^[8]               

Because Christians are disciples of Jesus, we, by our very “new nature,” are to yield to his loving truth and lordship over all aspects of life, including dating (Eph. 4:17–32). Christians “are a people holy to the Lord (our) God” and “the Lord (our) God has chosen (us) to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.” In accord with this humble devotion to the Lord, followers of Jesus recognize that entering into the covenant of marriage with an unbeliever establishes a marital context with internal and external temptation for the believing spouse to “turn away” from following the true God “to serve other gods” (Deut. 7:4–6; 2 Cor. 6:14–15).Therefore, in an anti-Christian culture, unmarried Christians also have a convictions-driven, shrinking dating pool.^[9]  

How Should Christians Navigate Online Dating?

Perhaps online dating could be one response to a kind of suffering that is very “of this cultural moment.” Too quickly dismissing online dating risks a discipleship void of sensitivity and sympathy. It fails to acknowledge, understand, and make the effort to enter another’s suffering (Luke 11:11–13; Rom.12:9–21). Do we have the means of grace that empower us, as Christians, to enter this world and yet not be of it? Can we offer unique care for God’s people even as they participate in the online world? I would say yes. I am not naive about how online dating can hold major, widely recognized pitfalls. Avoiding online dating is the surest means of avoiding those pitfalls.^[10] Yet, might this be a permissible way to widen the dating pool for young Christians?

The narrative of Abraham commissioning his servant to find a spouse for his son, Isaac, gives applicable direction. Read Genesis 24:1–28.^[11]

• Servants of God can act maturely with the support of mentors.

This servant didn’t go of his own accord; he went under the instruction of Abraham. This servant’s obedience to God and wisdom in navigating the situation were tied to the shepherding he received from Abraham. Likewise, those seeking to wisely and maturely navigate the internet in search of a spouse can seek the shepherding of Christian mentors and leaders, those who will instruct them toward obedience to God.    

• Servants of God have liberty to take action.

According to this passage, the servant planned, prepared, and executed his match-making mission with effort and skill. God works through means: he works through camels, gift-giving, feet traveling across a wilderness, cultural norms where wells are social spaces, and, possibly, the internet! Why not? Using means (without sin) to find a wife is not by default taboo or an absence of faith; it’s the ordinary way that matchmaking takes place. We can consider internet use in that category.

• Servants of God can act according to confidence in God’s promises.

It’s critical to notice the servant’s prayer: “O Lord, God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham” (v. 12). The climactic message of this passage is that the servant had faith according to the promise God made to his master, Abraham, “…in your offspring [looking forward to Christ] shall all the nations of the earth be blessed” (Gen. 22:18). If God loved Abraham, if God intended to fulfill his promise of blessing through Abraham’s offspring, then God was going to have to provide a wife for Abraham’s son. And he did. Pursuing a spouse must be grounded in the same faith. Just as Abraham’s lineage was rooted in the promise of Christ to come, Christians today should pursue marriage based on a shared commitment to develop as a family according to that fulfilled promise now revealed in Christ (Acts 2:39; Eph. 5). We are not to look for a spouse in any way that works against our relational union with Christ.

Online Dating for Christians: Practical Ideas and Guardrails

With these theological underpinnings shaping online dating for Christians, here are practical thoughts on navigating the digital world in search of a spouse.

1. Consider writing a dating plan to be shared between a wise mentor and mentee. This should include details about what internet sources are used and what information is shared (written and visual), including the use of things like AI and chatbots. Boundaries around time spent on this effort should also be planned to ensure online engagement happens during prudent times of day and to maintain balance in life. This plan should also include a scheduled commitment to private and corporate prayer. Just as Abraham’s servant prayed in order to rightly align his plans, desires, and hopes with the promises of God and entrust everything to him, this act of dependency upon and submission to the Lord in prayer must be the foundational heart posture that undergirds any pursuit of a spouse. 

• A critical part of this discipleship will be to work together to honestly assess the heart and confirm that this process is not drifting outside the bounds of Christian liberty and into sinful idolatry or fueling lust.

• Avoid a false dichotomy between online and in-person socializing. While considering appropriate ways to explore connecting with a possible date online, one should also move promptly from online to in-person interactions. Continue to search for new in-person opportunities to connect with Christian community in general and specifically to connect with a possible spouse; continue checking that digital interactions are not taking the priority away from embodied connections.

Consider these embodied spaces for seeking a spouse:

• If your church is a part of a denomination, some denominations offer singles’ retreats.

• Some Christian conferences now include events for singles.

• Consider talking with church leadership about whether visiting other churches to meet new people could create opportunities to broaden community while still maintaining commitment to one’s home church.

• Before joining the specific category of “dating apps,” possibly first consider exploring and engaging in online communities created for Christians broadly and for single Christians specifically. Find online spaces revolving around communities sharing our Christian faith.

Are you following and engaging with the social media accounts of your denomination,  ones dedicated to your favorite theologians, and ones for your favorite ministries? Social media, as the name entails, is designed to be used socially (though we too often use these platforms solely to consume content). There are appropriate ways to meet new people through online social spaces.

Finally, here are two considerations for navigating dating apps:

• Research. Review their websites and understand their mission. Not all dating apps are the same; some might be better than others in offering a context for upholding Christian virtue. For example, some apps are more missionally focused on connecting people for relationships, while others are more motivated to curate hook-ups. The former could offer an avenue of permissible usage, while the latter offers a more foundationally corrupted service and purpose and so should not be used.

• Consider the benefits that come with a paid subscription. If a paid subscription makes the app’s use more structured, or if it gives you more control over the process to shape it according to your intentions, it could be a worthy investment.

Consider Christ’s Incarnation for Direction and Hope

Jesus, through his incarnation, fully entered our world. He met us exactly where we’re at—not that he was corrupted into our likeness but that we, his bride, the church, might be found, restored, and glorified into his likeness, into his righteous identity (Phil. 2:5–7; John 17:13–19)! Paul uses the miraculous description of Christ’s incarnation to frame how believers are to move toward one another: “(be) of the same mind, (have) the same love,” don’t be selfish or prideful but instead be humble, selfless, loving, and kind (Phil. 2:2–4). Our only hope before such a standard is what was accomplished for us through Christ’s incarnation. By his death and resurrection his perfect righteousness covers our sin. As we rest in the perfection of Christ’s finished work, the Holy Spirit empowers us to actually and practically love as Jesus loved.

Here lies a concluding warning: Is your engagement in the digital world betraying your pursuit of embodied living that flows out of your identity in Christ? In seeking online connection, are you steadily maintaining Christ’s love that moves beyond screens to embodied connection, or is online dating feeding selfishness and pride, chaining you to a false digital identity? If so, log off now!

By God’s power at work in our hearts, the character of Christ’s incarnate pursuit of us must be the standard we cheerfully uphold in all relational pursuits. As you fix your eyes on Jesus, he will cause you to reflect his gloriously edifying love—a love that passionately pursued you and will continue to sustain you.

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^[1] The term “gender gap” is a statistical term used broadly for analyzing societal disproportions between men and women.

^[2] Kiley Hurst, “U.S. Women Are Outpacing Men in College Completion, Including in Every Major Racial and Ethnic Group,” PewResearch.org, November 18, 2024, https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/11/18/us-women-are-outpacing-men-in-college-completion-including-in-every-major-racial-and-ethnic-group/.

^[3] Preston Fore, “Gen Z Men with College Degrees Now Have the Same Unemployment Rate as Non-Grads—a Sign That the Higher Education Payoff Is Dead,” Fortune.com, March 7, 2026, https://fortune.com/article/gen-z-college-graduate-unemployment-level-same-as-nongrads-no-degree-job-premium-college-versus-skilled-trades/.

^[4] Ben Kamisar and Bridget Bowman, “Young Men and Women Are Taking the ‘Gender Gap’ to Staggering New Levels,” NBCNews.com, April 27, 2025, https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/elections/young-men-women-are-taking-poll-gender-gap-staggering-new-levels-rcna202672.

^[5] Rikki Schlott, “Young Men Leaving Traditional Churches for ‘Masculine’ Orthodox Christianity in Droves,” NYPost.com, December 3, 2024, https://nypost.com/2024/12/03/us-news/young-men-are-converting-to-orthodox-christianity-in-droves/.

^[6] Luke Simon, “The Gen Z Worship War,” ChristianityToday.com, May 29, 2025, https://www.christianitytoday.com/2025/05/gen-z-worship-war-men-women-ccm-liturgy-tradition/.

^[7] Maryellen MacDonald, “Gen Z’s Lack of Talking Is Harming Their Cognitive Health,” WashingtonPost.com, January 11, 2026, https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2026/01/11/gen-z-talking-phones-cognitive-health/.

^[8] Aaron Earls, “9 Discouraging Trends for Global Christianity in 2026,” Research.Lifeway.com, April 23, 2026, https://research.lifeway.com/2026/04/23/9-discouraging-trends-for-global-christianity-in-2026/.

^[9] Some might suggest “missionary dating” (when a Christian intentionally dates a non-Christian) as a means of countering this shrinking dating pool for Christians. Here is a helpful resource addressing the dangers of missionary dating: “Dating: Missionary Dating,” The Porch, July 15, 2019, https://www.theporch.live/vftp/6528-dating-missionary-dating. Accessed July 24, 2026.

^[10] Brittany Wong, “The 6 Online Dating Issues People Complain about Most in Therapy,” HuffPost, November 30, 2022, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/dating-app-problems_l_5e39bb35c5b6ed0033adad4c.

^[11] While I am using this passage to draw out applicable principles for dating, its central hermeneutical intent is not to be a handbook on dating.