Teach Your Kids to Be Truly Sex Positive

Christian parents today are rowing hard against the current when it comes to sex and sexuality. Can you feel the pull of resistance? “Sex positive” messages of self-expression and sexual freedom seem to push and carry us and our children along like white-water rafts adrift in a swollen river. How do we climb out? How do we pull our children to safety and solid land?

If we try to throw a life preserver from within the river, we’ll all be swept away. We must stand on the rock of God’s Word, which says that godly, good sex happens only between one man and one woman who are married. It’s shocking to our world, but the Bible sets limits on self-expression. It calls us to resist out-of-bounds sexual desires—something wildly counter-cultural in a society driven by individual choice.

It’s daunting to be ‘that kind’ of Christian—to take the Bible so seriously, to be labeled as rigid, unloving, bigoted, to maybe even risk jeopardizing our relationship with our kids. But God’s Word offers hope and life to our children and the world.

No One Is More Sex Positive than God

In today’s view of sex, if it’s consensual, anything goes. This is called sex-positivity, and there’s a whole movement dedicated to it. Being sex positive means  accepting and affirming any agreed sexual behavior between adults, and the sex positivity movement seeks to undermine societal expectations such as abstinence outside of marriage or heterosexual norms. But parents, we have a much better story for our kids and teens. To shepherd our children, we must first be convinced of the goodness and beauty of God’s design for sex, sexuality, and gender ourselves.

How glorious that God created male and female (Gen. 1:27), that he made our bodies so similar and yet so different. He designed us to literally fit together in a beautiful intimacy of union; he gave one of the most pleasurable human experiences as the means of creating new life. God is superlatively sex positive—he’s the most pro-sex being there could ever possibly be. He created it! Trying to figure out sexuality without reference to the One who created it is nonsense.

Jesus said, “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). We can—must!—joyfully affirm to our children that sex according to God’s design is good, while sex according to human whims leads to slavery.

And yet even great sex within marriage is not the pinnacle of human experience—communion with God is. Our Maker knows how we’re meant to function because he designed us. He knows what leads to whole-life flourishing, even amid suffering, and that is communion with himself through union with Christ. If we focus only on how great godly sex is, we’ll end up in the same false worship ditch as the world, placing too much emphasis on just one of the good gifts our Father gives his children. 

Theological Foundations for True Sex Positivity

So, what is our theological basis for a holistically positive view of sex? Both general revelation (creation) and special revelation (God’s Word) lay our foundation: we are embodied, we are creatures, and we have intrinsic purpose. Our kids need to know these foundational pillars.

Ultimately, we will be most sex positive when we put sex in its proper place. We need to show our kids that sex and sexuality will never fulfill us; only Jesus can do that.

1. We are embodied.

This is such good news, and Christianity is distinct in its understanding of matter and spirit. Humans are soul and body, intertwined, equally important. We reject materialism (which says we’re only matter, no soul) and Gnosticism (which says only the soul matters). Our Savior took on human flesh (John 1:14) and is now, for all eternity, embodied (Heb. 1:1–3). As Jesus was physically resurrected, we’ll be resurrected too (e.g., 1 Cor. 15:12–58; Rom. 6:1–5; 1 Pet. 1:3–5)!

Our bodies aren’t temporary, failing shells that we’ll shed at death for an eternity of floaty intangibility. No, the solution to our physical weakness and pain in this life will not be the dissolution of our bodies, but their eternal, vital renewal. The Bible asserts that God created us as eternally embodied souls in a tangible world that is “charged with the grandeur of God.”^[1]

Our world is increasingly defaulting to disembodied relationships. Whether it’s social media, online porn, sexting, or looking to artificial intelligence “companions” for guidance, friendship, and even romance, digitally-curated relationships are not real relationships. Against this backdrop of loneliness and isolation, Christianity’s insistence on real-life, embodied love shines. God’s creation delights our whole bodies and inspires worship. We could be sustained by boring, tasteless substances, but God gave us more flavor than one human could experience in a lifetime. He created sexual delight for his purposes and our joy. Our Father scatters gifts for embodied people everywhere throughout his sensory creation—the hot water of a shower hitting your shoulders after a long day; a cool breeze on your face; the smell of your toddler’s skin as you kiss goodnight; the sight of a loved one’s smile; the sound of the ocean.

Doesn’t the theological value of our bodies make Christian sexuality so much richer and more meaningful? According to God, sex—with all its earthy physicality—is good. But it’s still only one good gift among so much tangible goodness that points us to our Father’s joyful provision.

2. We are creatures.

The Creator/creature distinction between God and humanity is foundational to everything, including sexual boundaries. God, the Creator, is not like us (Ps. 90:1–4; Heb. 12:29; Isa. 40:28; Ps. 115:3). God made us (Ps. 100:3), and he didn’t make us out of pre-existing material. As image-bearers, humans can create all sorts of things, even clones of living creatures—if we have the material to start with. But God spoke all creation into existence from nothing (Gen. 1). We belong to the category of “creature” in contrast to the eternal, self-sufficient, uncreated Creator who speaks life into being.

This is foundational because it establishes God’s absolute right to direct us and all creation (Ps. 90; Rom. 9). We don’t know ourselves as well as God does. Our children need to know that they are not the boss of themselves, and that is a very good thing. We can rest because our good God, who made us, also encloses us within the safety of his boundaries and cares for us (Matt. 6:26–27). He justly commands our obedience—and he provides everything he commands in Christ.^[2]

3. We have intrinsic purpose.

God made everything for his glory, including us. We have an essential purpose. God made us to know and enjoy him forever—to find our soul’s deepest satisfaction in communion with Jesus, and, in his strength, to walk in the good works he’s prepared for us (Eph. 2:10). Our lives have meaning.

Sexuality is part of our humanity and therefore also has meaning—but it doesn’t have ultimate meaning. It’s not supposed to rule us. This is an important, hope-giving truth for our children. The Creator of the universe loves them with an everlasting love (Jer. 31:3), he knit them together in the womb (Ps. 139:13–16), and he made them for himself.

Furthermore, nothing about them is a mistake. Their gender is on purpose. Their sexual impulses are a gift to be enjoyed one day if God leads them to marriage. But if God calls them to singleness, their sexuality will be a means of sanctification and ever-deepening communion with Jesus as they trust him to meet all their soul’s needs. Whatever our lot, God holds it, and he alone is our soul’s eternal satisfaction (Ps. 16). Knowing that our intrinsic purpose is to worship Jesus and make him known frees us from the slavery of idolizing sex.

Being Sex Positive Is Not Ultimate

The world believes that the Bible teaches a utilitarian, prudish approach to sex; it accuses Christians of being shriveled and grumpy in our chastity. But no, the Bible is not shy about sex, and biblical sexuality is joyous and healthful.

But even the best sex is a dim picture of the eternal joy of communion with Jesus. Actually, being sex positive is too small a goal for our kids—let’s pray that they would be enraptured by Christ, their Creator and the Giver of all good gifts, and that their greatest desire would be to know him and make him known.

We will not get parenting right all the time, but even when we do nurture our children in God’s truth, we can’t guarantee that they’ll walk with the Lord into adulthood. Christ’s faithfulness is our only hope, and our only hope for our children, always. Lord, help us lift Jesus high before our children—and our own hearts—every day. Please show them that he is everything we need, that sex his way is truly positive—and, ultimately, that knowing him is their greatest good.

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^[1] Gerard Manley Hopkins, “God’s Grandeur”

^[2] Augustine expressed this idea in his Confessions: “Give what Thou commandest, and command what Thou wilt,” book 10, chapter 29.