Teaching Your Kids Biblical Sexuality in Ordinary Life

In “Teach Your Kids to Be Truly Sex Positive,” I argued that Christian doctrine lays the groundwork for genuinely positive sexuality and that parents need to teach their kids that we are creatures, we are embodied, and we have intrinsic purpose. But how do we teach our children these truths that are so central to biblical sexuality? This article aims to be practical. (For a deeper dive, check out Harvest USA’s two free online courses: Raising Sexually Faithful Kids and Parenting Boys and Girls in a Gender-Confused World.)

First, you don’t need anything fancy or “extra.” Believer, you’re united to Christ! You have the Holy Spirit illuminating your mind according to God’s Word. Set your gaze on your Savior—he is your righteousness. I hope this article ignites your imagination and sparks ideas for teaching your kids biblical sexuality right in the middle of the tumultuous, holy ordinariness of family life.

God Uses Ordinary Things

I’ve spent much of my motherhood reading books to find the fail-proof method for Christian parenting success. Alas, there is no “fail-proof method.” And while my personality inclines me toward theoretical principles, parenting insists on being practical.

Doctrine takes shape in our mundane rhythms and practices because, as Colin Buchanan put it, “what we believe about God comes out in what we do.”^[1] In the Lord’s economy, your boring days are eternally significant. God uses everyday disciplines, known as the ordinary means of grace, to work out his purposes in us. These include being part of a local church, reading the Bible, praying, and singing together (the singing may feel weird at first, but you’ll grow to love it!).

But prayer is our foundation. John Bunyan said, “You can do more than pray after you have prayed, but you cannot do more than pray until you have prayed.”^[2] When we believe that we depend wholly on Jesus—he saves us, he sanctifies us, he keeps us, he fills our lungs with each oxygen-giving breath—we will pray.

So, with that groundwork, here are some ideas for practically applying theological truth in your family’s day-to-day life as you shepherd your children in biblical sexuality.

Biblical Sexuality and Our Creatureliness

The key idea: God is the Creator and we are his finite creatures; he has the right to direct our lives.

Biblical sexuality depends on believing that our Creator is good and knows us better than we know ourselves. His direction is for our good, even when we don’t understand or like it. This brings clarity about all kinds of sexual struggles, maybe particularly transgenderism. Knowing our creatureliness also helps us work and rest well. It humbles us. Unlike God, we are finite, limited. We can’t provide everything we need for ourselves, and we’re not supposed to try.

For younger children, learning to obey parents is the foundation that supports everything else. When children know that their parents who love and protect them are in charge, they know safety. They learn to submit to appropriate authority, and they get to taste the happiness of living within God’s good boundaries (see Eph. 6:1–4).

Prompt older children to see that trying to take care of ourselves is part of sexual sin—defining our own identity and turning to masturbation, fantasy, or porn happens when we don’t believe God has provided what we need. But in Christ, we get to lean on the everlasting arms of our Creator and Savior for help, soul-satisfaction, and protection.

Here are some ideas for communicating our creatureliness:

• Capitalize on daily routines to chat about how people need bedtime, baths, food, playtime. . . but God doesn’t need anything!

• Foster curiosity about science—the whole world is God’s handiwork.

• During play, point out that things (and our lives) work better when they do what they’re designed to do. You can ask, “What would happen if you tried to float your toy car on a lake?” or “Would a balloon stay stacked on top of these blocks? Why not?”

• Have regular, age-appropriate sex talks. Nothing’s off the table; talk about masturbation and other sexual struggles. Regularly ask your teen how they’re doing and pray with them, pointing them to their Maker who forgives their sin, provides a way of escape amid temptation, and has the power to change their heart’s desires.

• Introduce and help older kids consider the communicable and non-communicable attributes of God; what does it mean to be made in God’s image?

• As a family, accept your limits and resist overcommitment; gratefully receive times of rest.

Biblical Sexuality and Our Bodies

The key idea: God created us to be embodied—humans are essentially both body and spirit.

This is central to biblical sexuality. Sex in marriage between a man and a woman is one of God’s good gifts that we enjoy with our bodies. God made boys male and girls female; this is the reality that their bodies show them. Our bodies are not costumes that we can change at will; fighting against our body leads to confusion and pain. Furthermore, in Christ, we anticipate the physical resurrection of our bodies!

So much of our technology and culture is dehumanizing. Society sees bodies as inconveniences that slow us down and get in the way of expressing our true self. But the Christian ethic says that our bodies are essential to who we are and how we fellowship with others. Your family can be an outpost of hope as you resist the advent of virtual and AI-driven existence and embrace real life.

With younger children, all the cuddles, reading stories together, tasting yummy food, being outside, laughing with friends, throwing balls, building things, and crunching through fall leaves are opportunities to intentionally rejoice in the bodies God made that can do so much! This is also the time to teach children about privacy and respect for others’ bodies. When family or friends die, attend the funeral. Amid life’s heaviest sorrows, we can share our living hope: when Jesus returns, everyone who trusts him will be made alive again in eternal, perfect bodies.

Older kids can begin evaluating worldviews and anthropology. Ask them, “How is Christianity different from other religions in its view of humanity?” and “What difference does that make?” Discuss the impact of AI and social media on society and themselves—do these technologies help us live as embodied people in real community, or do they isolate us? Try to encourage embodied community even when it’s inconvenient. Give rides, open your home, do whatever you can to help your kids and teens build real-life friendships.

Here are some ways your family routines can emphasize the fact that we’re embodied:

• Be involved in your church. Enjoy God’s tangible gifts, like communion, to remind us of his grace.

• Exercise, eat, rest—God wants us to take care of our bodies. Go hiking and camping together and with friends, feast and celebrate!

• Enjoy tangible things. At the dinner table, try having each person say what they enjoyed that day.

• Help kids build and maintain real-life friendships; consider not giving them smart phones; avoid social media.^[3]

Biblical Sexuality and Our Intrinsic Purpose

The key idea: God made us for himself.

We don’t create our own meaning. Our children can be freed from the crushing burden of self-actualization as they learn that God has a purpose for them, and it is communion with him. This is thrilling!

The Westminster Shorter Catechism^[4] sums this up:

Q. “What is the chief end of man?”

A. “Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.”

To be blessed is to fulfill the purpose God gave us, which, astoundingly, is communion with himself (see Eph. 1:3–14).^[5] This blessed life of communion with God is also a life created to share his love with others. There is an epidemic of purposelessness sweeping through our young people, but the gospel provides ultimate direction: we are made to glorify and enjoy God, to carry his message of salvation to the nations. Let’s show our children that their life—including their sexuality and how they steward it—matters in God’s big story.

Union with Christ is better than all the flimsy, fading pursuits we’re tempted to live for. Jesus is better than marriage, academia, family, athletics, sexual satisfaction, or a great career. Our ultimate purpose—glorifying and enjoying God—exposes the insufficiency of any other thing, including sexual sin.

For younger kids, along with family prayer and Bible reading, begin studying a catechism to teach Scripture’s big themes.^[6] Establishing a routine for chores is wonderful for your sanity and for teaching your kids that they have purpose! You can start introducing missionary biographies and stories from church history—examples of believers knowing their purpose and living it out.^[7]

The rubber hits the road for older kids as they begin thinking about the direction of their life. How might they serve God using their gifts and skills? Again, this is a great age for exploring philosophical questions: Is serving God more about doing specific things, or the Godward inclination of our hearts in wanting to love him and others? Discuss being a man or being a woman—the purpose of marriage—the possibility of singleness. How does sexual sin relate to our purpose of glorifying and enjoying God? Does it help or hinder that purpose? How can you steward your sexuality according to God’s plan?

Here are some ideas for highlighting our intrinsic purpose:

• Point out God’s calling in your kids’ lives right now—at school, in their family, church, job, and as they do chores, pursue hobbies, or play sports. Prod them to consider: “How is God calling you to love him and others now, in that role?”

• Encourage your kids to serve at church and home; let them know that their work is a blessing to others.

• Prioritize gathering with God’s people for worship—even when you’re traveling out of town or there’s something you’d rather do instead. This is a powerful opportunity to shepherd our kids and help them see their purpose in a practical way each week.

We Need to Believe Jesus

Your normal life is brimming with opportunities to teach your kids about God, his creation, and our purpose—truths that will help them walk in biblical sexuality. They do need to know these truths. But more than knowing them, your children need to believe them. They need to believe in Jesus. And friend, only the Holy Spirit can do that work in their hearts. Your best parenting cannot do the work of regeneration. Plead for your children—entrust them to our good heavenly Father who is both willing and able to save.

And rest in Jesus. All our doctrine, after all, swirls around and lands on him! Our hope is not what we do or don’t do, but in what Jesus has done. As you strive to shepherd your beloved children in biblical sexuality, trust your Good Shepherd. Rest in his perfection that covers you. He is and will always be faithful (2 Tim. 2:13).

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^[1] “Watch your life and doctrine closely, because what you believe about God comes out in what you do” is a paraphrase of 1 Timothy 4:16 from the album Boom Chicka Boom.

^[2] John Bunyan, The Golden Treasury of Puritan Quotations, 235.

^[3] I recommend Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation for much more research behind these suggestions.

^[4] Westminster Shorter Catechism, Question 1: https://thewestminsterstandard.org/westminster-shorter-catechism/.

^[5] This sermon unpacks the idea that something or someone is “blessed” when they are fulfilling the purpose God gave them: “As Far as the Curse Is Found: The Mission of God and His Church.”

^[6] Starr Meade’s excellent book, Training Hearts, Teaching Minds, uses the Westminster Shorter Catechism.

^[7] There are many resources for this, but I recommend the video series “Missionary: Obeying the Great Commission.” If you have young children, pre-watch as there are some distressing scenes of martyrdom.