Parents . . . Feeling Isolated?

As a small child, I loved to pick Queen Anne’s Lace that grew wild. My mother would let me put it into a jar of water, but not before she added a bit of red food coloring. I knew that soon our little “experiment” would produce a pink flower instead of white. But more than that, I was fascinated by the moment when the food coloring plopped into the water. In no time, the short-lived swirl of color permeated it all. Such is often the transformation of a parent’s world when a child announces that he or she has chosen to pursue an LGBTQ+ lifestyle. EVERYTHING CHANGES! Suddenly it may seem that there’s no one to lean on, no one who understands, no one who cares. A sense of isolation sets in; it often feels inescapable and comprehensive. Parents feeling isolated because of their child’s decision is frequent—and disorienting.

Why Is Feeling Isolated a Possibility for Anyone?

The Bible tells us in Genesis 3:1–19 that humanity turned its back on its Creator. Adam and Eve decided that their way was better than what God had offered them and how he had directed them. Until that point, they had never known disharmony with their Creator or with each other. Life for them was flawless fellowship because it centered on their Creator. They enjoyed his blessings and his oversight.

When they turned their backs on his authority, they were left with no center for worship or direction . . . except themselves. They became their own “me-gods.” And a me-god, by definition, excludes other me-gods. Hence, feeling isolated is not just an occasional emotion; it reflects a self-inflicted result of fallenness. Unless isolation is somehow mitigated, it becomes a fact of human existence. When the sins of others cause difficulties, it’s easy to retreat from the effort of connection to them—whether to protect oneself from injury or embarrassment or to avoid reaching out to help. Isolation can quickly color one’s world.

Feeling Isolated from the Wandering Child

A parent who honors God and his Word may feel isolated from his or her wandering child. Primarily this is because the child has chosen a truth source that differs from Scripture, which the parent holds as unassailable truth. The Lord Jesus predicted this dynamic when he said that he, the Truth, and the truth of God’s Word, would have the effect of a sword, dividing close relationships (see Matt. 10:34–39 and Luke 12:49–53). Differing truth sources can transform previously deep relationships into interactions that are barely surface-level or even non-existent.

Suddenly it may seem that there’s no one to lean on, no one who understands, no one who cares.

In addition, the child may take on many types of resistant behavior. Though the child, raised with truth, may seem to resist, the Spirit has bothered to nail truth into his or her heart. Our child’s effort to dismantle the truth is evidence that they know it’s true and it contradicts their choices. The conflict and resistance that the child demonstrates is a reassuring confirmation of Hebrews 4:12: “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

The apostle Paul clarifies what is really going on when a child chooses against the Creator: “We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Eph. 6:12). Sometimes it’s difficult for a parent to believe that the “issues” are so spiritually serious, but Scripture leaves little doubt. The parent-child division is equally real and serious.

Feeling Isolated from Others

This is a more understandable occurrence, simply because others may have no idea what has come into the parent’s life. It may feel safe to the parent to keep quiet in order to live in denial or avoid stigma. At this point, asking the support of a few trusted friends is wise. Generally, exercising caution in spreading details is a good rule-of-thumb for various reasons. At the same time, it’s very important to ask the Lord to send a few “fellow pilgrims” who will support, pray, and patiently listen.

Feeling Isolated from God

Clearly, Satan wants the parent to feel that God is unaware of what has happened or that Sovereignty has made a mistake. When things seem instantly massive and impossible, even believers can easily blame God or become angry. They can forget his promise: “For those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

The struggle to live based on God’s truth is a struggle that will not be won without God’s help. Building a habit of reminding oneself of what Scripture says about God, his character, and his promises is a good place to start. In addition, we often need to ask him for the grace to believe! “The father of the child cried out and said, ‘I believe! Help my unbelief!’” (Mark 9:24)

The hurting parent who’s feeling isolated will find that the best security, comfort, strength, and encouragement comes directly from the Savior who is on-scene and active, fulfilling his good purposes that are beyond comprehension.

If the enemy can convince a parent at this point that God has allowed an “oops” of some sort or is not going to prove faithful, Satan can succeed in turning that parent away from the only real Ally who can help. Being aware that isolation from God is, in reality, an impossibility for any believer is a crucial starting point. Jesus promised, “I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matt. 28:20).

Can There Be an Up-Side to Feeling Isolated?

Well . . . yes! Oddly enough, something as sad and shocking as watching one’s child walk away from his or her Creator can be a positive and pivotal experience in a parent’s heart and world.

As noted above, Romans 8:28 speaks of “all things” in a believer’s life. Realizing the true nature of a child’s unbiblical choices should send parents to their knees and to the Scriptures, to the serious ministry of intercessory prayer and the growth of their knowledge of truth, and to the strengthening of their relationship with the Lord.

The only thing stronger than the terrifying prospects and off-the-charts pain that such a parent may experience is the fact that “Forever, O Lord, your word is firmly fixed in the heavens” (Ps. 119:89). A Christian parent who feels isolated can be encouraged because “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed” (Deut.  31:8). As Creator and God, the Lord is already totally involved in the life of the child and in the life of the believer-parent.

The hurting parent who’s feeling isolated will find that the best security, comfort, strength, and encouragement comes directly from the Savior who is on-scene and active, fulfilling his good purposes that are beyond comprehension. The Apostle Paul reminds us, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 1:6).

If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence. When I thought, “My foot slips,” your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. (Psalm 94:17–19)

Believe what God says, pursue knowing him, and rest in his fellowship!