How Can Church Leaders Help Women Who Struggle Sexually?
The Church is active in helping men who struggle sexually, but for too long it has failed to see that women are struggling just as much as men do. Dave talks about key steps the church can make to change this, and be the support Christian women need. And read Karen Hodge’s blog on the importance of women’s ministry in the church. And you can read the entire magazine online here.
Dave White, Director of Targeted Discipleship:
In this video, I want to speak directly to pastors, elders, and lay leaders.
We’re encouraged that the church is finally acknowledging that men are profoundly struggling with their sexuality. The problem is, most church leaders don’t realize that this is a significant issue for women too. One of the ways that’s manifested is when a man’s pornography use is exposed. Usually there’s a sudden rush of elders and others to help him begin to overcome his struggle, but the wife is often left on her own and doesn’t receive the help she desperately needs.
Further, there seems to be little awareness that the daughters of God are wrestling with their own sexual sin. Female sexuality has also been impacted by the fall. Sexual sin is a gender-neutral pathogen of the soul. We do our sisters a great disservice when we act like fantasy, pornography, masturbation, and promiscuity are male problems. Ellen Dykas, our women’s ministry coordinator, recounts a young sister hearing these messages in the church, and her deepening guilt and shame. She lamented, “I guess I sin like a man.” The last thing we want to do for hurting women is pile on more shame.
Is this type of ministry on your radar? If not, why? Are you scared to expose the problems? Do you know the pot is ready to boil over, but you’re hoping to just keep the lid on it as long as possible? Are your own secret struggles keeping you from providing the care that you need to give your congregation?
We need to be intentional in our ministry to women and educate and disciple them in these areas, providing safe places for them to disclose their struggles and offering grace-based discipleship.
What are some practical steps you can take? First, you can begin by reading our latest magazine cover to cover, to get a perspective on where Christian women are struggling with faith and sexuality. It’s important to develop a biblical worldview and apply it to our sexual struggles using gracious vocabulary.
Next, if you haven’t done this already, identify the wise, mature sisters in the congregation who are able to disciple others. This means being intentional to put feet on the exhortation in Titus 2, that older women are to “teach what is good, and so train the young women.” Identify these women and express concern to them about the sisters struggling in the church and falling through the cracks. Once you’ve identified them, gauge whether they’re comfortable having direct conversations about sexuality. Get a sense of their own history and growth in these areas. We have lots of material on our website to help you equip the godly women in your church.
Start taking these steps now so that you’ll be ready when problems arise. One of the challenges of ministry is taking proactive steps. If we don’t plan ahead and put in place good discipleship practices, our ministries will always be focused on putting out fires, and there will always be more fires igniting all around us, because the saints aren’t receiving the positive discipleship that they need.
Hey, this is a lot. But just as Jesus radically changed lives in the broken, sex-crazed church in Corinth, his Spirit will empower us with everything we need to disciple the saints, including our sisters.
