Sexually Faithful Leadership for Imperfect People

Leadership. This one word carries an indomitable weight—measuring godly Christian men and women by their inspiring grace, resilient faith, and steadfast wisdom in hoping for things yet unseen. I am but an apprentice, walking in the presence of giants, witnessing the work of the Spirit, and learning—time and again, through countless failures—what it means to lead in ministry that calls imperfect people to be sexually faithful.

I wish to speak to you as a younger brother—and a sexually faithful, imperfect leader—who has found three key principles pointing to a godward path in a darkened world. Each of them centers on God, who calls sexually faithful leadership to embody a prayerful heart, Word-centeredness, and a repentant character. May God use the imperfect stories I tell, and our leadership as imperfect people, for his glory and the benefit of his church.

Imperfect People Need Prayerful Hearts

“If you pray better in public than you do in your closet, it might be wise to pray less in public and more in your closet.” -Paul Miller [1]

I remember reflecting on these words as I considered my own prayer life. Blinded by pride and ashamed of a truth I did not want to hear, I initially tried to dismiss the statement. I’ve walked through seasons when my private prayer life was in total disarray compared to my public prayer life. The two were confused and disconnected, filled with words that created a chasm between my confessional theology (what we believe) and my functional theology (what we do). My private prayer life had become conditioned by daily habits—saying the same things repeatedly before meals or throwing out words carelessly, seeking nothing but self-dignifying, box-checking, fleeting gratification.

Meanwhile, my public prayer life continued simply because it had to. I was leading small groups, preparing for worship, discipling others, and guiding people in prayer. But the bottom line is this: I found myself doing the Lord’s work without Jesus—relying on my flesh’s finite strength rather than God’s infinite power.

A prayerless life leads to confusion rather than clarity, and to needless suffering instead of the abiding peace that comes from God. It is a spiritless and carnal life—one dictated by circumstances rather than guided by the Lord. I’ve spent too much time going to and fro without truly pursuing him in a way that even begins to match my efforts in ministry.

Studying theology, too, can leave you with a big head and a small heart. That’s why the core of spiritual formation must begin with a life on our knees—where each passing day is marked by a longing for the riches and blessings of God’s own presence. We must never forget that his uncontested Lordship rules eternally over all the universe and bow in worship and awe before his glory.

Oh, beloved, I pray we may not be deceived by the “clothing” that leadership can offer—the appearance of status or grandeur. Instead, may we seek God in humble allegiance, proclaiming in season and out of season that he alone is our hope for faithful leadership. He alone will strengthen us to be an example of sexual integrity before God’s people. He is the One sanctifying imperfect people into the likeness of his Son, and through him we can rise victorious amid our daily spiritual battles. That is why we pray without ceasing (1 Thess. 5:17), remembering that “the life [we] now live in the flesh [we] live by faith in the Son of God, who loved [us] and gave himself for [us]” (Gal. 2:20). Our spiritual strength flows from “him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think” (Eph. 3:20). We “draw near to God” (James 4:8) because “Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes” (Rom. 10:4).

Therefore, we must keep at the forefront this truth: our vertically private relationship with God is what nourishes and sustains our horizontally public relationships with people. The sexually faithful yet imperfect leader “relies not on [themselves] but on God. . . . On him [whom] we have set our hope” (2 Cor. 1:9–10).

Sexually Faithful Leadership Is Word-Centered

“In leadership, as in life, you need to know who you are, who God has appointed you to be, before you know what you are to do.” -John Currie [2]

I spent countless hours consulting mentors, scouring books, and seeking wisdom as I wrestled with my calling in life. Yet I failed to see that the answer I desperately sought was staring me in the face each day: “To know God is man’s chief end, and justifies his existence. Even if a hundred lives were ours, this one aim would be sufficient for them all.” [3]

Still, in subtle ways, by using titles and achievements as the compass for leadership, I found myself trying to fabricate something outside of God’s intended order. I began constructing a life that sought belonging and status apart from my Maker’s design, including a sexuality shaped by the desires of me, myself, and I.

How foolish this is. Without the direction of God’s Word, all that remains is to be lost—no longer walking in step with the Spirit, and at risk of “throw[ing] away a lifetime of . . . faithfulness for a few moments of fleeting pleasure.” [4] Sexual ethics formed in such a context cannot be sexually faithful—they cannot be aligned to the truth of God’s Word.

My greatest mistake was giving in to trends and temptations—going with the flow, wavering in my commitments, and drifting between belief and unbelief in our Savior. No wonder we see that “inconstancy is the great disease of our age—agitation, restlessness. . . . Doubt has been made the beginning and condition of knowledge.” [5]

In this, I confess that though I often tasted the sweetness of God’s Word in my devotionals, many were the days I doubted his providence. Oh, “wretched man that I am” (Rom. 7:24)—a double-minded sinner who mourns and weeps (James 4:9). I forgot who I am, and who appointed me to live and move and have my being in the first place (Acts 17:28).

And yet, when I came to the end of myself, I found my King Jesus still at the ready—standing at the door and knocking (Rev. 3:20). Truly, “we have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul . . . where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf” (Heb. 6:19–20). This is why sexually faithful leaders, who are also imperfect people, must bear the Word of truth on their lips. Leaders, and those being led, all need the life-changing power of God’s Word convicting and comforting our hearts daily.

A Repentant Character Looks to Christ

“A spiritually healthy leadership community acknowledges that character is more important than structure or strategies.” -Paul David Tripp [6]

Character must triumph over performance. This is difficult to articulate or measure, as character cannot be placed on a transient scale to evaluate what’s being done well. Only the Lord is the searcher of hearts and minds (Jer. 17:10), and only the Holy Spirit brings to light the conviction that we are sinners (John 16:8–11), leading believers to live humbly each day in view of the “judgment seat of Christ” (2 Cor. 5:10).

What is beautiful about repentance is that it clears a path for us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus (Matt. 16:24). Its strength comes from the Lord, not from us. And because our sins have been washed away by Christ’s perfect sacrifice (Heb. 10:10), we can rest in the assurance that “the repenting soul is the victorious soul.”[7] The unrepentant soul is, therefore, the defeated soul (cf. Luke 13:3; Rom. 2:5)—one whose seared conscience has “exchanged the truth about God for a lie” (Rom. 1:25; cf. 1 Tim. 4:2).

Indeed, “we all stumble in many ways” (James 3:2). But if we “count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus [our] Lord” (Phil. 3:8), then our failures can point us to hope in him, not in ourselves. To be found faithful—even sexually faithful—as Christ’s ambassadors and stewards of the mysteries of God (1 Cor. 4:1–2), we need a repentance that boldly proclaims: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Ps. 73:26).

In practice, we must not delay in repenting. We do so with the purpose of proclaiming that “[Christ] must increase, but [we] must decrease” (John 3:30), faithfully obeying the call to confess our sins to one another so that we may be healed (James 5:16). My gravest mistake has been to be too slow to repent—too slow to lead as the chief repentor, and too hesitant to see sin for what it truly is: an affront to God’s holiness.

If I had been more quickly repentant, healing and relationships might have been better cared for. Yet, understanding that growth in repentance is not about perfect execution but about the direction we are headed—turning away from sin and turning toward Christ (cf. Acts 3:19; 26:18)—gives me joyful hope in the Lord today. The sexually faithful, imperfect leader rises with Christ in repentance.

There Is One Perfect Leader

Beloved, as you reflect on the principles above, you’ll soon realize that perfectly meeting each one is impossible. Yet, the rugged beauty of wrestling with Scripture is discovering continually that the demands of God’s perfect law can only be satisfied by one mediator between God and man—Jesus Christ. He is our faithful, perfect leader—the Good Shepherd who covers our every imperfection through his life of perfect obedience and sacrificial love on the cross. May we suffer and serve well as leaders who fiercely hope  in him (Rom. 5:3-5), praying without ceasing (1 Thes. 5:17), abiding in the Word (1 Pet. 1:23-25), and walking in the light (1 John 1:9). Amen.

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[1] Paul E. Miller, A Praying Church: Becoming a People of Hope in a Discouraging World (Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, 2023), 166.

[2] John Currie, The Pastor as Leader: Principles & Practices for Connecting Preaching & Leadership (Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, 2024), 58.

[3] John Calvin, Commentary on the Book of the Prophet Jeremiah, trans. John Owen (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1950), 1:123. Calvin is commenting on Jeremiah 9:24.

[4] Kevin DeYoung, Sin Makes You Stupid. Clearly Reformed. Last accessed June 2, 2025. https://clearlyreformed.org/sin-makes-you-stupid/

[5] Herman Bavinck, Reformed Ethics: Created, Fallen, and Converted Humanity, vol. 1, ed. John Bolt (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2019), 126.

[6] Paul David Tripp, Lead: 12 Gospel Principles for Leadership in the Church (Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, 2025), 100.

[7] The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions, ed. Arthur Bennet (Carlisle, PA: The Banner of Truth Trust, 2025), xix.