Sexual Shame and the Gospel’s Invitation

This article is adapted from session one of Transforming Love: Women, Sexual Struggles, and Help in Christ, a free video course for women seeking help for sin struggles and sexual shame. For an idea of what this course offers, here’s access to the whole of session one: “Jesus Knows You and Draws Near: Sexual Shame and the Gospel’s Invitation.”

A question we get asked fairly often here at Harvest USA is, “What’s it like to have a full-time job in which you’re talking about sexual stuff all the time?!” Well, that’s not what we’re talking about most of the time! Sure, the issues that bring people to us for help are connected to sexual shame, brokenness, and sin. But sexual behaviors are, in one sense, only the outward manifestation of what’s going on in a person’s heart.

The Bible teaches that we speak, act, and respond out of our hearts—kind of like a cup of water getting bumped. If there’s refreshing, clean water in the cup, out splashes that kind of water. And if the water is polluted, the bumped cup will overflow with dirty water.

So, when women come to us for help, what do we talk about besides their sexual shame and sin struggles? Many things—but at the very center of it all is Jesus and the amazing, life-transforming truth of how a faith-fueled, dependent relationship with him leads to the type of change we all desperately need: change from the inside out. Changed, healed, forgiven hearts produce new ways of living, responding, and, yes, behaving.

Pornography, extra-marital sexual activity or sinful dynamics within marriage, same-sex relationships that have grown beyond godly friendship, masturbation, and so many other things—these are fruits bearing out of our broken, sinful hearts which need the healing touch, truthful words, and holy love of Jesus to be healed so we live differently.

We’ll address three key ideas in this session. First, what are common experiences women have as sexual strugglers? Next, how does Jesus respond to broken, hurting women? When we feel ashamed, isolated, and hopeless due to our sin struggles—and maybe invisible in our churches—how does Jesus look at us, and what does he offer? And, finally, how can we respond to Jesus?

Jesus and a Bent-Over Woman

We’ll ask these questions in light of a story from Jesus’s ministry which happened in a Jewish synagogue, a religious gathering place, where Jesus was teaching. As most synagogues would have been structured at that time, women usually listened from the perimeter of the room or a balcony, separate from men. As you read, imagine Jesus at the front of the room, a group of men in front of him, and at least this one nameless woman on the margins or in the back.

Now [Jesus] was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. And behold, there was a woman who had had a disabling spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not fully straighten herself. When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said to her, “Woman, you are freed from your disability.” And he laid his hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and she glorified God. But the ruler of the synagogue, indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, said to the people, “There are six days in which work ought to be done. Come on those days and be healed, and not on the Sabbath day.” Then the Lord answered him, “You hypocrites! Does not each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or his donkey from the manger and lead it away to water it? And ought not this woman, a daughter of Abraham whom Satan bound for eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the Sabbath day?” As he said these things, all his adversaries were put to shame, and all the people rejoiced at all the glorious things that were done by him. (Luke 13:10–17)

Why did I choose this story rather than one of Jesus’s encounters with women caught in sexual sin? Because we can all relate to this. Women who resonate with the Samaritan woman or the woman caught in adultery can see themselves as set apart, and, honestly, women who don’t resonate with those stories can also see themselves as set apart. We all must look to Jesus, shoulder-to-shoulder, and learn how to apply the gospel regardless of what we have personally experienced.

Let’s first look at a few aspects of this woman’s situation and make some connections to what this course is about.

Suffering, Heartbreak, and Sexual Shame

First, this woman was suffering! God’s sovereign and mysterious plan allowed for her to have a broken body through Satan’s influence. The text doesn’t explain why he allowed this, but Jesus makes it clear that, while this woman was, of course, a sinner like everyone else, her bent-over body was not because of her sin but rather due to the enemy, Satan.

This life is full of trouble, temptation, sin . . . and suffering coming at us and against us. God uses all forms of suffering—painful afflictions—for his purposes.

This woman most likely had a broken heart. Can you imagine living this way for 18 years?! Bent at a 90-degree angle, shuffling around, unable to do most activities without incredible struggle. People staring, kids laughing, friends not knowing what to say . . . this was a challenging trial. She was probably marginalized, judged, and shamed due to her affliction. Perhaps she felt “on the outside looking in” compared to the other women in her village; maybe she was jealous of their lives.

The theology of the time said that if you were suffering, you must be under the punishment of God for being a bad person, abnormally wicked. She would’ve faced sneers, whispers, and mean looks. Jesus exposes that the religious leaders were more concerned about their animals than caring for this woman. What shame she most likely felt! She wasn’t as important as a donkey.

Friend, your ‘bentness’—your brokenness and sin—may be hidden. It may not be seen openly, like this woman’s bent body. Let me assure you that all women need the love, truth, and transforming power of Christ in their sexuality. You are not alone! All around us, women have hidden relational struggles, sexual and emotional temptations, deep pain and disappointments that no one knows about. You may not be physically bent over but know something is off, disordered, broken inside of you. You sense it goes deeper than your behaviors like looking at porn, hooking up with guys, messing around with women, and having your mind filled with so much darkness.

How Does Jesus Respond to Your Sexual Shame?

Jesus’s words and actions are for us today—for you, dear one—in your shame, pain, and, dare I say it, perhaps your self-loathing due to your sexual and relational sin.

For women addicted to pornography—including things like anime and sexually provocative books—for single and married women who are involved romantically with other women: If you feel out of control sexually in whatever way, Jesus is your refuge, heart-healer, defender, celebrator, and Savior! He’s the one you need. He’s the one who sees, calls, touches, and heals all of us as he proclaims words of life and transformation over us.

In this story, Jesus was present, he taught, he took the initiative to see and call this hurting, bent-over woman to himself. And then he set her free, defended, and celebrated her! He did all this in the context of her identity as one of God’s people—she was a loved daughter of God.

Remember, she was bent over at the back of the room or up on a balcony. Yet Jesus saw her—and he also sees you. He knows your whole story and all the influences that are connected to the behaviors you’re struggling with. He didn’t run away that day when he was teaching in the synagogue. He stayed and invited this woman to come near enough to him so that he could touch her, place his holy hands on her back or head as she stared at the floor, and proclaim that she was set free.

This is why Jesus came! In Luke 4, Jesus is again in a synagogue. That day, of all days—this was no mistake or coincidence—the Old Testament reading was a prophecy from Isaiah 61 of the coming King, the long-awaited Messiah, the Savior. As you read, imagine being there, hearing, and seeing what unfolded:

And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up. And as was his custom, he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and he stood up to read. And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written,

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
    and recovering of sight to the blind,
    to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” And he rolled up the scroll and gave it back to the attendant and sat down. And the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on him. And he began to say to them, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.” (Luke 4:16–21)

Fulfilled! Yes. He came, and he will come again, my friend, and will finally, utterly make all things new. He’ll destroy temptations, sin, and all that is evil—for good. But we’re not there yet, are we?

Sister—and I do want to name you as a sister in Christ if you are a believer in him. If you aren’t, then you are so welcome here, my friend, and we long that through this video course you may come to understand, know, and believe in Jesus Christ as the One who can save you from your sins and heal and transform your brokenness. Sisters and friends, there are steps to take—there’s obedience to engage in and humility to express—as you follow the example of this set-free woman.

Let’s give the woman in Luke 13 a name: Anna. Anna was there at the synagogue that day. We don’t know the details of why, or all the aspects of what motivated her; we can assume that she wanted to learn and needed help.

Engaging in this course is a way for you to follow her example. Anna didn’t stay where she was—did you notice that? She got up, slowly shuffled her way to Jesus—perhaps glancing up, making her way through the group of men—and she drew near to her Savior, the compassionate, powerful, holy Messiah. She did not hide, refuse, or resist Jesus’s invitation.

Will you also cry to God to help you not stay where you are? Sister, friend, there is so much at stake here. You’ve likely experienced the costly, painful consequences of sin and of resolving to stay hidden or stuck in destructive life patterns, in messy relationships, in a soul-polluting online life that leads to a thought life which is not what God created it to be. Today can be a day when you step out, like Anna did, and pray for help.

Step Toward Freedom from Sexual Shame

What’s one step you can take today, this week, toward Jesus? Obedience leads to freedom from sin, and the first step of faith is to change your direction and face him, look to him, and ask him to help you keep walking forward. One step can lead to a life-changing pivot in a new direction.

Our hearts’ desire is to guide and disciple you as we walk through this course. It’s not nearly as personal as it could be if we were sitting together with our Bibles open, able to see each other’s faces and hear each other’s voices. We could learn your stories, witness your tears and confusion, your smiles, anger, and fear. But Jesus knows all these things about you, and he’s not limited one bit by the format of this study. Our hope is that this video course will be one of many components in your journey of faith, obedience, and overcoming sin and sexual shame.

I love how Dane Ortlund describes Jesus in his wonderful book, Gentle and Lowly:

When we can’t sort out our emotions, when the longtime friend lets us down, when a family member betrays us, when we feel deeply misunderstood, when we are laughed at by the impressive—in short, when the fallenness of the world closes in on us and makes us want to throw in the towel—there, right here, we have a Friend who knows exactly what such testing feels like, and sits close to us, embraces us. (48)

Jesus is with you as you step forward to grow. You can pray right now for God to help you understand and believe that Jesus sees you, calls you to draw near, and is your hope and source for forgiveness, healing, and freedom from sin. Pray for God’s love to motivate you to take a step of faith this week!

Lord, help our sisters and friends to learn what you want to teach them, to receive the comfort you have for each one, and the humility to grow in understanding your Word. Thank you, Lord, that you are our Father, Friend, and Counselor—and so many other things! Help each of us to believe, Lord. Give each woman listening hope that the sins and heartbreak she struggles with can be overcome through Jesus. We come to you through Jesus, our faithful Savior, who is praying right now for each of us in complete unity with the will of our gracious, merciful, comforting Father. Amen.