How Do I Explain LGBTQ+ Issues to My Children?

One of the questions we receive most frequently at Harvest USA goes something like this: “My daughter just found out she has a transgender classmate. How do I help her respond?” Or, “We just found out that my husband’s brother is gay. We’re not sure how to explain this to our 12-year-old.”

These situations and others like them are confronting more and more families. Around the year 2000, about 2.4% of the adult population self-identified as LGBTQ. Today, that number has grown to 4.3% of the adult population. And among Generation Z, that’s kids 18 and under, the percentage is higher. Roughly 8% of high school students report being lesbian, gay, or bisexual, and studies show that 2.7% of teens are unsure of their gender identity. So even if your own child doesn’t experience same-sex attraction or gender struggles, they probably know at least one other person who does.

One goal, then, is for parents to help their children understand some basic information about LGBTQ identity. But there is a more important goal: to disciple children so they know how to speak the truth in love and compassion to those around them who identify as non-straight or gender non-conforming.

Here are three things for you to say and three things for you to ask in order to start the conversation with your child.

One: explain to your child that acting on same-sex or gender temptation is inconsistent with God’s design for his creation. It’s sinful behavior. Even though we can’t easily explain why some people struggle with sexual or gender identity, God’s call is for each of his image bearers to turn from sin of all types.

Two: explain that sexual sin isn’t worse to God than other types of sin. All sinners are equally in need of God’s saving grace through Jesus Christ.

Three: explain to your child that having questions about one’s sexual or gender identity is normal, part of the way God designed for us to learn how to live as the men and women we were created to be. But just because we feel or question something doesn’t mean that’s who we are.

Four: ask your child if he or she has ever had thoughts or questions about sex, sexuality, or gender. Invite them to share those questions with you. Encourage them that feelings never equal identity. Identity comes only from God, the Creator.

Five: invite your child to dialogue with you about friends, classmates, or family members who have adopted an LGBTQ identity. Ask them what they think about their friends or loved ones living in alternate lifestyles.

And six: ask your child to think through with you ways in which he or she could respectfully speak the truth in love to their LGBTQ-identifying friend or family member.

There are so many resources on the Harvest USA website, harvestusa.org, for you to use to explain LGBTQ identity to your child. One resource is this minibook, Explaining LGBTQ Identity to Your Child, available through the Resources page on our site.

Thank you, and may our God grant you grace to begin this ongoing conversation with your child.