Christians who are single have a real battle to face. In the midst of sexual temptation, they can easily wonder where God is in this ongoing struggle.
Jesus made many things abundantly clear to his followers, and they particularly apply to those who are single. He was clear about his love, forgiveness, and the enabling power of the Holy Spirit to live a holy life.
His disciples understood that following him had to be synced up with a willingness to let go of sin, die to self, and to embrace obedience as we “stay in our lane” in the race of faith.
“…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus…” (Hebrews 12:1–2, NIV)
It can seem like God has left us on our own in this struggle, telling us what to do but seemingly not helping us. Oh no! Jesus is there with those of us who are single.
This race of faith, however, isn’t easy. For those of us who are single, staying within God’s boundaries for sexuality can seem impossible. Life without sex feels tragic to some, foolish to others. Sexual integrity is an experience of both sanctification and suffering. Sanctification, because as we battle to slay sin and to live fully for Christ, we learn to entrust him with every area of our lives, growing in Christlikeness. (See 1 Peter 1:6–9.) Suffering, because resisting the enticement of sin and temptation is a trial common to humanity and an unavoidable reality of living in a fallen world.
It can seem like God has left us on our own in this struggle, telling us what to do but seemingly not helping us. Oh no! Jesus is there with those of us who are single. He absolutely gives us help in our sexual struggles. I’d like to focus on three ways to help us see that he is indeed present. By looking at who he is, we can understand what he provides.
- Our loving Lord and Creator. We belong to Christ, and all things were created by him and for him (Colossians 1:16-17). These wonderful truths orient our hearts and our thinking when ‘staying in the lane’ of sexual faithfulness is tough. When we believe that our entire self belongs to Christ (body, thoughts, sexual desires, relationships, etc.) and that he has a specific and wise plan for how we are to ‘use’ each of these things, it helps us to bend the knee of our will to him. We can submit, though it might be with tears and painful angst, “Lord, your will, not mine… your will, not mine! Help me, comfort me, rescue me.”
- Our Rescuer and way of escape. 1 Corinthians 10:13-14 explains that in every temptation, there is a way of escape out of it. God himself is our refuge and place of escape when we rush to him, nestling in close to him, allowing his enveloping presence to stand between us and the sexual temptation. Think here of Jesus, when he walked unwaveringly on storm-tossed waves to his scared and exhausted friends. He entered into their experience, calming their hearts and the outside forces battling against them (Matthew 14:22-33). Ponder the image of Christ as Shepherd, who knows his own, and gently holds and carries them (Isaiah 40:11, John 10:14-15). God rescues us from temptation by entering into our circumstances of sexual and emotional struggle.
- Our Redeemer and Mercy-giver. Our Lord knows we’re not going to stay in our lane 24/7. He is holy, commanding us to throw off sin. But the throne he sits on is one of mercy and grace (Hebrews 4:14-16). Therefore he is also gracious, receiving us in our desperate need and hearing our cries for help, especially in our brokenness. If you struggle to know what to say to him when those times come, look to the words of Psalm 13, 16, 34, or 51. These words can give voice to your own words. You can also find a worship song and pray it to the Lord.
Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You
Jesus you’re my hope and stay!
(“Lord I Need You,” Matt Maher, 2013, All the People Said Amen (Live))
The most important tool in battling sexual temptation or emotional pain is knowing Jesus. And knowing that he wants you to run to him when you are even at your worst. As a single man or woman, you need more than behavioral strategies to succeed. You need a growing understanding and trust in Jesus. He gives us his presence and his power to run the race of faith that bears out in sexual faithfulness!
Nonetheless, we DO need a specific battle plan. That’s what we’ll look at in the next post.
To see Ellen talking about this issue, click on Ellen’s video blog, Sexual Integrity for Singles: It’s not a tragedy, and it’s not impossible, Part 1. These short videos can be used as discussion starters (together with the accompanying written blog) in small group settings, mentoring relationships, men’s and women’s groups, etc.
Ellen Mary Dykas
Director of Equipping for Ministry to Women
Ellen joined Harvest USA in 2007 as our first full-time women’s ministry staff. Ellen received her MA from Covenant Theological Seminary and a graduate certificate in biblical counseling from Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF).More from Ellen Mary Dykas