The call about culture, sexuality, and church community came from a PCA pastor’s wife. “John, an elder’s wife asked me a question recently which I thought I knew how to answer. However, the more we talked, the more I realized, like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, ‘We’re not in Kansas anymore.’ It was more complicated than I thought.”

Questions Churches Face

The elder’s wife had asked, “Now that gay marriage is legal in our state, if a gay couple begins to attend our church and if one or both of them claimed faith in Christ, would we encourage them to separate? How can our church community stand against something which is now legal?” She went on to say, “And we certainly wouldn’t encourage them to separate if there were children involved, would we? I mean, would we want their children’s experience of Christianity to be, My mom became a Christian and it destroyed our family?”

I heard a similar dilemma from another pastor. In his church’s membership class, the issue of homosexuality came up. Several people who desired to join the church community expressed support both of homosexuality and gay marriage. While they themselves were not gay, they nevertheless supported and agreed with those who were.

Church Community and the Wider Culture

These situations are happening in conservative churches right now. How do we think about these things? First, we need to remember that people coming into our churches today come out of a culture inundated with postmodern, totally secularistic beliefs. And while we all bring our faulty and fallen thinking into our relationship with Christ, it must be our job, as leaders in the church, to offer venues to openly discuss these things and offer sound biblical teaching.

As I result, I encourage all pastors and church leadership to begin addressing these issues in membership classes and other venues that explain and build church community. It is naïve of us to believe our people are all on the same page. Please consider spending an hour or so in membership classes talking about God’s intention for sex and sexuality and why he intended marriage to be between a man and a woman. If God’s very first words to man and woman were about sex (Genesis 1:28), why are we so afraid to talk about it?

One PCA church recently contacted us because several people in the congregation had come out in one year. As the Session moved to enter into these situations with gospel mercy and truth, several families ended up leaving the church. They felt victim to a “bait and switch” framework. The church community prided itself on being known as a place of love and mercy, and when these members discovered that the church saw homosexuality as sin, they felt betrayed. The church felt the resulting turmoil even several years down the line. Much of this could have been avoided had the leadership spoken directly about biblical sexuality. Culture always impacts church community more than we realize regarding these issues—our culture’s views on sexuality are impacting even those with a more solid grasp of the Scriptures.

Open Discussion and Church Community

Many of the hard feelings in this church community could have been avoided had leadership addressed these issues directly in some of the church’s entry points, like small groups and membership classes.

Harvest USA is here to help your church leadership. Please contact us; we’d love to talk with your church staff and elder boards or leadership teams. If you’re within a few hours of the Philadelphia or Pittsburgh area, we can speak in person. If you’re farther away, we can arrange an online meeting. We’re here to serve God’s church and leaders as you navigate matters of sexuality and gender that affect church community.

Updated 5.25.2017, 8.6.24