What If I’m a Woman Who Struggles with Pornography?

In my early years with Harvest USA, I scrambled to find biblically faithful resources that addressed women and sexual sin struggles. Thankfully, I came across BeggarsDaughter.com, the online home of Jessica Harris. I’ve met Jessica, and I’ve been encouraged by her willingness to share openly about her addiction to pornography, a secret sin that she drowned in as a high school student.

Eventually, in college, she found someone who took her seriously, that yes, she, a young woman, was struggling. And not with light romance novels, but hardcore sexual images and videos that took her thoughts to dark places.

Are you a teen girl or an older married woman who can’t stop looking? Maybe you’ve been able to kick the online habits, but the images swallow up your thought life day after day. Let me assure you, you are not alone.

Jessica was convinced that she was the only woman in the world who had managed to become addicted to pornography. And when she got caught at a Christian college, she was told that someone else must have used her login credentials, because, as she was told, women just don’t have this problem. Can you imagine how much added shame this brought to Jessica?

If you’re a woman struggler, you may feel that same shame. God’s Word says to you in Psalm 34 that those who look to Christ are radiant, and their faces are never covered with shame. God’s Word invites us to taste and see that he is a good, trustworthy refuge for needy people. Later in the passage, God’s people are invited together as a community to trust and worship the Lord.

No matter what your struggle is, let me share three things that I hope will help you.

First, you need to look to Christ and acknowledge your need for help, that this sin has you beat and you just can’t conquer it on your own. He’s not shaming you, but is insisting you confess your sin, your struggle, and ask for help.

Next, be honest about the taste buds of your heart. Yes, your emotional, mental, and relational appetites, they’re off track. Can you pray something like, “Lord, please give me patience and faith for you to completely transform my thoughts and desires, and to long for what is holy and good”?

And finally, you’ve got to bring other people into your situation. Like Jessica, you might find this terrifying. That’s okay, but just don’t let those feelings keep you struggling in secret isolation. Is there another believer, preferably a woman, a mature Christian, that you can reach out to? Even with just an initial step to say, “Hey, I’ve got a struggle, and I need you to help me, to pray for me.” You need others to walk with you, to help you consider the deeper heart issues that need transformation, so that your behaviors can change through faith and repentance.

You’re not alone, and your story is not unique. Best of all, Jesus loves you and can transform you if you’ll engage his path of gracious, honest, and heartfelt discipleship.