How Can Parents Help Children and Teens Struggling with Masturbation?

Few topics create more discomfort for Christian parents than talking with their children about sexual struggles. Masturbation is one of those subjects that often gets pushed aside, dodged, or dealt with hastily out of embarrassment or fear. Yet children are growing up in a world where sexual imagery is everywhere—from media to peer conversations. The world is not silent, and parents cannot remain silent. Children and teens struggling with masturbation need the loving counsel of their parents to point them to Jesus.

The Bible reminds us that sexuality is a gift from God, designed to be enjoyed within his good design (Gen. 2:24; Heb. 13:4). We want our kids to grow up hearing us talk about sex in healthy, positive ways. But because of sin, our desires can easily turn inward, becoming self-centered and enslaving. Masturbation often falls into one of two categories: a private habit that can feed lust, or, for some children, it may be a form of self-soothing when anxious, fearful, or bored. In either case, God’s Word addresses our children’s hearts even in this sensitive struggle and equips parents to lovingly shepherd them toward Christ.

Created Good but Broken by Sin

Sexuality is not shameful; it is God’s idea. Children need to hear this in positive terms from their parents. God designed humans as sexual beings, and that is good. Sin has twisted God’s good gift (Rom. 1:25) and tries to corrupt it. Masturbation, while never directly mentioned in Scripture, usually involves indulging in self-gratification in ways God did not intend. It trains the heart to seek satisfaction apart from God’s design.

God calls his people to holiness in every area of life, including sexuality. First Thessalonians 4:3–5 says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor.” Parents can remind their children that God’s desire is not to withhold joy but to direct it toward what is pure and life-giving. God created our bodies, sex, and sexuality for good—and he wants us to honor him in the way we live.

Understand the Struggle

Young people may struggle with masturbation if they’ve been exposed to sexually graphic material or experiences. When this happens, it’s important to walk through how sex has been corrupted for them, how God intends it, and how to rebuild healthy views and habits. This may take time, additional help or resources, and certainly a lot of persevering discipleship. Others may be struggling with masturbation due to growing sexual desire or curiosity. Their bodies are developing and they’re discovering what feels good. It’s important to delineate, for a child, normal sexual feelings and how to respond to those normal feelings in healthy and godly versus non-healthy, ungodly ways.

Some children may resort to masturbation as a tool for self-soothing. They feel stress or boredom and discover their bodies feel good and they find comfort in the act. Children who go through trauma or a tremendous loss may turn inward, withdraw, and look for comfort they can provide themselves. In such cases, children need help finding comfort in the right places—working through their struggles, talking, engaging relationally, and turning to the Lord. Understanding what is motivating the struggle will help you more wisely approach your child.

Hope for Children and Teens Struggling with Masturbation

Scripture reminds us that sin and suffering do not have the final word. Jesus came to save sinners, not to condemn them (John 3:17). Children struggling with masturbation do not need lectures alone; they need understanding, grace, and a Savior who gives new desires (2 Cor. 5:17) and new habits. Parents have an opportunity to model the heart of God—truth and grace held together.

Practical Tips for Parents

1. Start with Your Own Heart

Before addressing your child’s struggle, parents must check their own hearts. Are you approaching this subject with anger, fear, or shame? Children are quick to sense judgment, and if they feel condemned, they are less likely to be transparent and honest. Pray for wisdom (James 1:5). Ask God to help you respond as a wise shepherd knowing how to guide, not a judge.

2. Create a Safe Space for Conversation

Children will only be honest if they feel safe. Don’t pounce on them with questions or accusations. Instead, invite conversations:

• “I know growing up brings new feelings and challenges. If you ever feel confused or struggle with something private, I want you to know you can always talk to me without fear.”
• Carefully share some of your own struggles with sin, perhaps when you were their age (without oversharing details). This normalizes the battle and shows them they are not alone.

3. Teach a Biblical View of the Body

Help children see their bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19–20). God created them wonderfully (Ps. 139:13–14). When they use their bodies, even in private, it matters to God. Help them ask the question: “Does this honor God?”

4. Capture Thoughts and Desires

Since masturbation often involves the imagination, talk about guarding the heart and mind. Philippians 4:8 urges believers to think on what is true, pure, and lovely. Parents can teach children practical ways to redirect thoughts— choosing a new habit, talking to  the Lord, turning on worship music, or doing something active when tempted.

5. Avoid Shame-Based Language

Avoid words that crush a child’s spirit. Phrases like “disgusting,” “perverted,” or “you should be ashamed” can shame and wound deeply. Instead, frame it as part of the larger spiritual battle. Remind them:

• “We all have desires that don’t honor God.”
• “Jesus understands our weaknesses and offers help.”
• “You are not alone—God gives grace to fight sin.”

6. Equip Them with Practical Strategies

Children and teens struggling with masturbation need concrete help, not just “don’t do it.” Some ideas include:

• Remove triggers: limit access to media, devices, or private time that feeds temptation.
• Build accountability: encourage open check-ins with you or a trusted adult.
• Develop healthier habits: sports, music, service, or hobbies can redirect energy.
• Set bedtime routines: many struggles happen at night when children are alone. Encourage earlier bedtimes, reading Scripture before sleep, or keeping the door slightly open.

7. Pray

Prayer communicates that God cares about every part of life and that ultimately, he is the one we turn to in our time of need. Pray with and for your children. Ask for the Spirit’s power to resist temptation. Even if your child feels embarrassed, short, simple prayers remind them they are not fighting alone.

Talking with Your Child

Here are some developmentally-appropriate ways parents might approach the topic:

• Younger children (8–11): “Your body is a good fit, made by God. Sometimes you may feel curious or want to touch yourself. God wants us to use our bodies in ways that honor him. When we try to find comfort by ourselves apart from God, it doesn’t bring real joy. God gives us better ways.”
• Preteens/Teens (12–16): “It’s normal to feel sexual desires as you grow up. God created us this way, and it is good. God also designed those desires for a relationship. They are meant to lead to love and marriage one day, they’re not just for ourselves. Masturbation teaches us to focus inward instead of loving others. Let’s talk about ways you can handle temptation without feeling enslaved to it.”
• Older teens (17–18): “As you enter adulthood, you’ll carry these habits with you. What kind of man/woman do you want to be? God calls us to self-control and purity because he wants us to flourish. If this is a struggle, let’s keep talking and seeking accountability together.”

The key is to speak truth at an age-appropriate level, not overwhelming them with guilt, but calling them toward holiness.

Ultimately, parents must keep pointing their children to a relationship with Christ. Self-control is not just about willpower; it flows from a new heart. We want our children to love God and his ways. Remind your child:

• Jesus understands temptation—he was tempted in every way yet without sin (Heb. 4:15).
• The Spirit gives power to say “no” to sin and “yes” to righteousness (Gal. 5:16).
• Forgiveness is real and complete when we confess (1 John 1:9).

If your child fails, don’t despair. Each failure is an opportunity to bring them back to the gospel: “Yes, you sinned. But Jesus forgives, and his grace is stronger than sin. Let’s keep walking forward together, knowing that his righteousness covers us.”

Talking to children about masturbation may feel difficult, but it’s so important. Silence leaves them to wrestle with confusion or shame or adopt cultural voices that normalize it. Parents who respond with grace, openness, and practical guidance can help their children see sexuality as God intended: a gift to be treasured, not misused.

Remember the Goal for Children and Teens Struggling with Masturbation

Remember, the goal is not just stopping a behavior but shepherding a child’s heart toward Jesus. Masturbation, like all struggles, reveals a deeper need—a Savior who satisfies our deepest longings. As parents model God’s patience and point their children to Christ, they plant seeds of hope that, by God’s grace, will bear fruit in purity and joy.