Finding God at Work for Parents of LGBTQ+ Children

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Many Christian parents of an LGBTQ+-identified child feel at a loss for what God is up to in their families. One of the most common questions you may find yourself asking again and again is, “God, what are you doing!?” When you contemplate your child’s situation—from the devastation and deep hurt you have felt to the haunting question of your son or daughter’s relationship with the Lord—you will undoubtedly search anywhere and everywhere to discover where God is working.

More often than not, you may feel that these questions are left unanswered, but you can be assured that God is at work, and you can pray for his purposes to prevail. God may use these difficult circumstances to draw your child closer to himself and to bring conviction of the truth deep into your child’s heart, dislodging the false beliefs they have adopted and the negative influences that surround them. The God of Joseph, who used what was meant for evil to bring about good (Genesis 50:20), is the same God in whom you can place your hope and trust as you consider where your child’s journey may lead.

Out of all the ways in which God could possibly work, there is one purpose that you can be sure he is accomplishing through these difficult circumstances. This particular work of God may not be as obvious to you, but rest assured that it is there. This is the purpose that God is actively working on your heart. Consider these words from the Apostle Paul:

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers” (Romans 8:28–29).

This familiar passage in Romans may not be the most comforting words at first glance—this is not my “go to” passage for a parent first discovering their child’s chosen identity—but opening your heart to this promise of God is sure to bring clarity and hope as you see God’s tangible work unfold in your life.

The Lord, in his sovereign providence, has placed you on the difficult road on which you find yourself. If you are in the love of God, he is at work using these circumstances to make you more like his Son, Jesus Christ. Certainly, the Lord desires to comfort you in your pain, guide you in relating to your child, and soften your child’s heart. But there is more that God desires to do through the suffering and trials you are experiencing; he wants nothing less than to remake you into the image of his Son.

Practically speaking, what might this look like?

Embracing this purpose of God’s refining begins by taking your eyes off of your child and putting them on yourself. The purpose is for you to pause and consider, “Where do I see God at work in me?” More specifically, ask yourself the following questions.

  • How do I see God teaching me to trust in him with my whole heart and not lean on my own understanding?
  • In which area(s) is God prompting me to relinquish control of my child’s life?
  • What does this trial show regarding what my heart truly believes about God and who he claims to be?
  • How is God challenging me to stand firm in his Word and its promises?
  • How am I handling this differently now compared to when I first discovered that my child was identifying in this way?
  • Where else have I seen God work in my heart through this hardship?

Questions like these will help you see evidence of God’s purposes at work in you and challenge you to embrace his sovereign will all the more.

Below are some of the things you may discover and enjoy as you walk in this purpose of God.

  • God will show you more clearly your own broken condition and need for him.
  • He will teach you how to love messy sinners in the same way he has loved you.
  • He will give you the desire for him to be glorified through your family situation above everything else.
  • He will open the door for you to comfort other hurting people with the comfort that you have received from God.

God has promised to use your son or daughter’s situation to bring about his good purposes in your life. I encourage you to invite God to work in you, in accordance with his will, that you might more clearly see his sovereign and good plan unfolding as he cares for you.

About The Author
Chris Torchia is the Parents and Family Ministry Coordinator for Harvest USA. In his role, Chris cares for hurting parents whose children identify as LGBTQ+. Chris also helps educate and equip the Church to minister to hurting parents. Chris completed his Master of Arts in Counseling at Westminster Theological Seminary, Glenside, PA. He has also served as a counseling intern at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF), Glenside, PA. He holds a BA in Intercultural Studies from Lancaster Bible College, PA. Apart from his work at Harvest USA, Chris has been involved with a breakdance ministry for over eight years that focuses on teaching and mentoring youth.

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