Desires Fueling Your Child’s Sexual and Gender Identity

Desires Fueling Your Child’s Sexual and Gender Identity

I often speak with Christian parents who are on the heels of discovering that their child has adopted an alternative sexual or gender identity. Many of these parents find it extremely difficult to understand why their particular child has come to identify in that way.

Do you remember when he was younger and you wanted to know exactly what caused this allergic reaction or which illness caused that fever in your child? In a similar manner, perhaps you’ve tried to piece together this most recent puzzle concerning your son or daughter, but this time have come up short. You may not have really grasped what could have contributed to the person you see today.

On top of this, you may be experiencing tension or hostility in your relationship with your child because you’re not in agreement with the conclusion she has made about herself. You need to know that you may never have neatly packaged answers to the questions you’re asking. Most parents rarely do. God, in his wisdom, may keep you from having the definitive answers you are looking for in this hardship. However, I do hope to give you one insight in this video to help you understand your child better and improve your relationship with him.

My encouragement to you today is this: look beyond the surface to what lies beneath your child’s perceived sexual or gender identity. More specifically, consider the desires of his or her heart.

Take a moment to simply consider: What is it that your son or daughter desires? What is she longing for? What does he think that he is getting in his sexuality or gender identity that he feels he cannot live without? Questions like these will move you to discover what is in your child’s heart beyond her surface behaviors and proclamations.

Perhaps your child longs to be affirmed and loved by another person and feels that he can have that desire met in a same-sex relationship. Maybe your daughter has always felt unwanted or different from others, and she receives acceptance and love from a community of friends who affirm her newfound identity. Often, enduring tough experiences shapes and impacts the way we view ourselves and the world around us, leaving us wanting to be nurtured and cared for in particular ways.

If your son or daughter has learned that they can meet an overriding desire through a gender identity, a romantic relationship, or a unique community, he or she will hold on to it tightly and oppose anything that may threaten keeping it close.

Although your child may be saying and doing things that seem really atypical of their old self, this stems from desires that are normal and common to us all: wanting love, acceptance, security, and affection. Discovering what these controlling desires are in your child can help you make sense of their defensiveness and open up a different approach for relating to him that does not simply address outward behavior.

Practical Applications: Understanding Your Child’s Sexual and Gender Identity

For more practical applications for your relationship with your child, I encourage you to read the blog accompanying this video, “What Lies Beneath Your Child’s Sexual and Gender Identity.”