Is Our View of Masturbation Outdated?

One of the FAQs at our seminars is whether masturbation is a sin. There’s been a lot of debate, because it’s a behavior that doesn’t have a condemning proof text attached to it. Although I can’t point you to a specific chapter and verse that forbids masturbation, if you have a robust understanding of God’s design for sexuality, it’s clear that there is no room for masturbation in the life of a Christian.

Two things have to be at the forefront when we’re considering solo sex. Number one, in the Bible, sexual activity is always reserved for marriage, because it’s designed to be inherently relational. And number two, the goal is selflessly serving someone else. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 teaches that sexuality in marriage is about pleasuring someone else. Sex is like every other aspect of the Christian life: a turning away from selfish desires to honor God with my body and to use it to serve others. Sex in marriage should reflect the New Testament ethic in general. Jesus said, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve.” This is the culmination of Jesus’ teaching of what it means to be a disciple.

So obviously, masturbation fails on both counts. First, it’s a solitary activity. It’s not rooted in relationship. There’s no opportunity for deepening intimacy. Second, it’s really a snapshot of selfishness. To engage in masturbation is to say, “In this moment, what matters most is that I experience the most intense pleasure possible.”

There are practical considerations here. If you’re single, masturbation, even apart from lust, programs you for a self-focused sexuality. If the Lord provides a spouse, you won’t approach marriage looking to selflessly serve another. The focus of sex will be getting your own desires satisfied. And it affects marriages. A healthy sex life takes work. Masturbation selfishly takes the easy road of personal gratification at the cost of deepening oneness and intimacy in marriage.

So are Christians just too uptight about sex? No. We believe God invented pleasure and gave us the capacity to enjoy pleasure in all kinds of ways, but he prescribed the way certain pleasures should be expressed. And all pleasures can entice our hearts to supplant the Giver of the gift and worship the gift instead.

Most secular therapists agree that masturbation is a means of self-soothing. But here’s the problem: God says he is the God of all comfort. He wants to meet us in our sadness, loneliness, and frustration. When we embrace the false and fleeting comforts of the world to satisfy the deep longings of our soul, we’re not going to find lasting contentment.

Wise Christians will tread this road carefully. We don’t want to heap shame on those struggling with masturbation, as has been done historically. But we never want to shrink back from calling out sin for what it is and inviting people to return to their first love, the one who has promised pleasures forevermore at his right hand.