July 11, 2019

How Can the Church Love Those Who Struggle With Same-Sex Attractions?

Written by Tim Geiger

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The Church needs to acknowledge that all Christians struggle sexually in some way. But it must also recognize, and attend to, those in its midst who struggle with same-sex attraction. While the biblical worldview of sex and sexuality does not embrace gay relationships, that does not mean the Church ignores or mistreats those who try to live faithful lives with a struggle they did not choose.

If we want to truly support Church and gays seeking to live in obedience to Christ, it begins with honesty. We must create a culture of humility where everyone is free to admit their brokenness. The Church cannot be a place where people feel they must hide their struggles in order to belong—it must be a place where truth and grace meet.

When churches move toward people instead of away from them, it communicates the heart of Jesus. To support Church and gays in gospel-centered ways, we need to listen well, pray faithfully, and walk alongside those who are seeking to live faithfully. Presence matters. So does compassion.

To support Church and gays well is to recognize that we’re not divided into two categories of people—those who struggle and those who don’t—but rather one body, deeply in need of grace, walking together toward Christ.

Tim Geiger gives five ways you can walk alongside someone who struggles with same-sex attraction, communicating along the way that he or she is a fellow believer who is loved and valued⁠—by God and by you! You can learn more by reading Tim’s blog, “Loving Our LGBTQ+ Struggling Brothers and Sisters,” and our recent harvestusa magazine where this article first appeared.

Let me begin this video by affirming what Scripture says: that real Christians really do struggle sexually. There are numerous examples of this fact in Scripture, but we don’t have time in this short talk to look at them all.

That sexual struggle takes various forms, which fall into both heterosexual and homosexual categories. Scripture doesn’t make a distinction about one category being judged more severely by God than the other. As Paul tells us rather starkly in 1 Corinthians 6, verses 9 and 10, neither those who sin heterosexually nor homosexually will inherit the kingdom of God. Both are identified as being unrighteous. Apart from the grace of God through Jesus Christ, neither would have any hope.

How many Christians struggle sexually? That’s difficult to say, because admitting sexual sin is so shame-inducing that many Christians simply aren’t honest when asked. But the Barna Group says that 51% of Christian males over the age of 13 use pornography at least once a month. They also say that 33% of young Christian women use pornography with the same frequency. Another source says 7.2% of young adults self-identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, and six-tenths of one percent identify as transgender.

What that means is that in the average multigenerational church, the majority of people struggle sexually, and among them, a significant number struggle with same-sex attraction. I encourage you to reach out to others in your church who might experience same-sex attraction and to try to love them well.

We have a unique opportunity in loving other Christians who experience same-sex attraction. That opportunity is to encourage our brothers and sisters and to help them walk in repentance. Here are five ways to begin doing that.

One: help same-sex-struggling brothers and sisters understand the fact that their sin is not worse than yours if you struggle heterosexually. Don’t misunderstand me. Any sexual sin is bad. It’s so bad that Jesus had to die to atone for it. But same-sex strugglers often feel a special shame, where they sense that God and others look down on them in particular ways because of the difference in the shape of their sin and struggle.

Two: invite same-sex-struggling Christians to be a part of your family. These are men and women created to be your brothers and sisters and to bear the image and glory of God along with you. They may feel particularly alone, cut off from many of the family-based relationships in the church because of past relational wounds or because of their persistent singleness. But as Jesus himself tells us, our family in Christ is more authentically a family than that into which we were born. Invite your same-sex-attracted brothers and sisters into your life and into your family.

Three: invite these brothers and sisters to talk about the often crushing burden of their enduring attraction, struggle, and temptation. Scripture tells us that the experience of temptation or attraction is not in itself a sinful act. Ask them to be honest with you about the pain they experience as they endure their struggle. Pray with them, and ask them to help you find other ways to help them endure well and to walk in repentance.

Four: help your same-sex-struggling brother or sister to affirm that the entirety of their identity is in Christ alone. For all Christians, our only true identity is in Christ alone. Our truest, most life-giving relationships are supposed to be in the church. We are all being transformed from the fractured image bearers we once were into those who accurately reflect who Jesus Christ is. Identifying as a gay or lesbian Christian simply doesn’t fit with the process of sanctification Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 5:17, where he says that those in Christ are an utterly new creation.

And five: take seriously the statistics I cited at the start of this video. Pray that the many more Christians in your church who struggle heterosexually will themselves take repentance and their participation in the new creation seriously. God is glorified when Christian sinners turn from their futile, sinful ways and cry out to him for help. God’s whole church is called to be holy by repenting of sin and striving toward ever-increasing holiness daily.

As churches take sexual sin of all types more seriously, and as they offer the grace and mercy of God through Jesus Christ as the only answer, same-sex-struggling Christians will hear, be spurred to hope, and cry out for help as well.

Harvest USA is a resource to help the church become an increasingly sexually faithful church. For free resources, go to our website, harvestusa.org, and click on the Resources tab.

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