Hiding My Same-Sex Attraction – Part 1

Openness and transparency are markers of a healthy Christian community. Honesty about one’s struggles and needs leads us to reach out to Christ and to others for the help we need. But this is harder for believers who are same-sex attracted.

In this week’s blog, “Hiding My Same-Sex Struggle,” we’ll look at a few reasons why Christians with same-sex attraction have difficulty opening up to someone about it. I write about two sides of sharing such personal information: one, the reservations and fears same-sex attracted Christians have about sharing such personal information about themselves; and two, ways some people respond to hearing such news.

For the same-sex attracted struggler to share such personal information is a big step, to say the least. It brings with it an intense fear of rejection. Will my friends think any differently of me? Will I be treated differently? Will they understand this issue? Will I be abandoned, physically or emotionally? I already feel different. I don’t want to feel this anymore.

One of the most beautiful aspects of the cross of Christ is that although it is marked with suffering and shame, it also swallowed up death. In other words, Christ’s death puts to death our sins and our fears. We are now given the power to face our fears and struggles and seek help from God and others. And in seeking help from others, we are in fact seeking help from God also.

The person struggling with same-sex attraction can freely share what God has done, even if there is fear of rejection. I know this is hard to do. I get it. There are some real dangers, which I write about in my blog this week. But when you remain hidden, you won’t grow as you could grow. You won’t experience trust and joy in Christ as you could. And in remaining silent, the church won’t grow, because how you live your life in the body of Christ affects others.

My hope is that if you are a struggler, you would ask God for the grace to share your struggle with others in your church, to be increasingly honest about who you are, and that in doing so you will be surprised, surprised that there will be many who will receive you and love you. I know this is hard, so the main thing is to pray about this. Let God settle it in your heart.

My hope for you and for your church is that there will be an embrace instead of rejection. And keep in mind that their acceptance won’t necessarily mean they will fully understand the struggle. What you need is not answers. What you really need is healthy, honest friendship with people who, in accepting you, will love you enough to keep showing you Jesus and walk with you every step of the way towards him.