Coming Out: Five Things Parents Must Do—Part 4

Coming Out: Five Things Parents Must Do

As we conclude this blog series, I want to look towards two final things you can do when you discover your child is identifying as gay or transgender.

Love Your Child as Christ Has Loved You

Now perhaps this is one of the most challenging positions that God has called you to: to love as he has loved you. This is especially difficult when your child sins or rebels against you in very clear ways. For example, it’s common that you will be seen as unloving or even hateful because you don’t affirm the way that they want to live out their sexuality. And this can be extremely painful and upsetting for you.

But remember and consider the words of Colossians 1:21: “Once you were alienated from God and you were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior.” This was all of us. We must remember that God continually demonstrates his love, his patience, kindness, and compassion towards us every day, and we must seek to love others in the same way.

So let me ask you in this: is this a reality, one that shapes your love for your child? If you do not have a firm grasp of your own rebellion towards God, and really what it means to be a recipient of his forgiveness and grace, then it’s going to be difficult for you to love your child in this way when it matters. God intends to use this process to draw you closer to himself, making you more dependent on him, more aware of your own need of forgiveness and redemption, and more appreciative of the love of Christ for you.

Have the Long-Term View in Mind

The final encouragement I’ll give you in this is to have the long-term view in mind. Most parents initially set their gauge on the short-term solution, pulling out all the stops to push the kids to see the right counselor, listen to the right sermon, read the right book. And although these things can certainly be helpful given the right setting, more often than not it yields minimal fruit if your child is resistant to help. In certain cases, this can even do more harm than good and damage the relationship, or cause them to distance themselves, causing them to close up towards you.

Part of having the long-term view in mind is understanding that the growth process is a slow one, and the time frame God works in is more often than not different than yours. God is ultimately the one who is sovereignly working in your child’s life over the course of time. Now, this does not make your role passive. Rather, it allows you to have patience in looking for those opportunities to display Christ to your child when those opportunities present themselves over time. Seek to be an instrument in the process of change, as God permits, rather than, you could say, the agent of change yourself. In doing so, you will find freedom and peace as you entrust your life and the life of your child into his hands.