January 20, 2016

Fighting the Battle with Pornography (Video Blog)

Written by Bob Heywood

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For years, Bob kept his struggle hidden, believing he could manage it on his own. But the weight of secrecy and the toll it took on his relationship with God and his loved ones made it clear that true healing wouldn’t begin until he brought it into the light. His journey reminds us that the battle with pornography is often waged in silence, but victory starts with confession and community.

Bob’s testimony is a powerful example of God’s faithfulness. Even after years of being stuck in sin, he discovered that grace was not beyond reach. By seeking help and being honest about his brokenness, Bob found freedom. The battle with pornography didn’t end overnight, but through accountability and spiritual growth, transformation became possible.

His story is a call to others who are fighting the same fight. You don’t have to battle alone. The battle with pornography is real, but there is real hope for change. As Bob shares, healing comes when we stop hiding and start walking in the truth of God’s mercy and power.

It was a life of making New Year’s resolutions to never do it again and not being able to maintain that promise. The conclusion that I came to in my heart was that most people probably go to bed at night and then go to sleep, and I couldn’t do that. I had to do something else before I fell asleep. And I just felt that there was probably something wrong with it.

But that reality is what drove me to Christ in the first place. In other words, I came to Christ in the hope that I could stop. But I was in the military, and I came across, I stumbled across a magazine, and I acted out again. And as a young Christian man, I was devastated. I just felt like, it’s back. It didn’t go away like you were hoping. In other words, that’s kind of what I hoped I would get out of the Christian life, that this would be behind me. And when it came back, it was bad.

But I did realize, again, being a Christian for around six months, I did realize this much about the gospel, and that is that I couldn’t wait for my good works to kick in in order for me to get back with God. I needed to know his grace and his mercy right then and there.

I got to a point in my Christian life where I felt like giving up. I just felt like, well, again, you’re losing this battle all the time. And I just thought, well, maybe I can do both. Maybe I can be an elder in my church and look at pornography too. You know, that might sound like a strange conclusion to come to as a Christian person, but the thing about it is that there was power in that lie, because I was already doing it. I was already teaching Sunday school on Sunday morning and looking at pornography on Sunday night.

It started impacting my marriage. Trying to move towards my wife, it wasn’t working. I didn’t move towards her. She was married to an elder in the church who wasn’t praying with her. I really felt that my marriage was going to end. I had come to a conclusion in my heart that I was going to get a divorce. It was going to be my fault. I was going to move in with my mother, and how was I going to get porn in my mom’s house?

But two couples in our church moved towards us. And I just want to encourage you with this, because it’s because the body of Christ acted like the body of Christ. That’s why I’m here today. That’s why there’s a difference in my life. Because they saw that there was a problem in this marriage, and they moved towards us.

I went to the accountability group, and I confessed, and I said, “There’s something going on here that you need to know, and that is that I can’t stop looking at pornography.” That was the first time, that was around 18 years ago, and that was the first time those words ever came out of my mouth.

I’ll never forget the first time I walked into Harvest. I walked in the room and I looked around the room. There were around 12 guys in the room, and I looked around and I made sure that I didn’t know anybody. That was priority number one. And I kind of just sat there and started to weep.

But he did have me there, and he did use the counselor, and he did use Harvest in powerful ways. It became a lifeline for me. It became something that I really needed to come to. I was coming to counseling every week. I was coming to Harvest every week. And I also developed a relationship with a fellow accountability person. So all three of those things became very real in my life, and I believe God used all that.

We can’t get through this on our own. We can’t get through the Christian life on our own, let alone victory over a life-dominating sin. It’s just not going to happen. God is doing something, and he did something towards me. He moved towards me. He came after me. He brought those people, his body, to me. He brought counselors to me. He put me in Harvest so I could be in a room with a bunch of other Christian men who are struggling. So God is in all that.

And you have to get your hope in him personally. It has to be about him: his love for you, his story for you, his gospel towards you, his pursuit of you. This is where you have to get your encouragement from. Because as soon as I start looking at myself, I get discouraged. Okay? So you have to see God in it. And I can honestly tell you that if you are his child, he will come get you. And it’s up to you whether you’re going to fight that or not.

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