“And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.'”

—Mark 8:31–38

A personal reflection

The calling and cost of being a disciple—so clearly portrayed in Christ’s words—have often struck me with deep conviction and wonder, causing me to search out what it truly means to pick up my cross and follow after Christ. I first became familiar with this passage early in my Christian walk. I remember these words becoming one of the reasons I decided to attend seminary and pursue full-time ministry. I was gripped by the conviction that my life was not meant for myself but for Christ who gave himself for me. I wanted to lose my life for the sake of serving Christ!

It’s funny how getting a little life experience makes you see things from a different perspective. I am now in my mid-30s, married, and have a two-year-old son and an eight-week-old son. Although I’m still in full-time ministry, my life is currently occupied with poopy diapers, sticky floors, meal and bathtime schedules, middle-of-the-night crying spells, doctors’ visits, and all the rest that comes with keeping two little humans alive. It’s safe to say this was not on my radar when I envisioned my glorious call to die to self and live as a disciple of Christ!

This season of life might not seem like a big deal for some, but keep in mind that I am partly a product of the first-generation of millennials. We are rightfully stereotyped as a bit narcissistic and self-centered. In fact, Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychologist, flatteringly pegged millennials as “Generation Me.” Although she may have been a little tough on us with her diagnosis, there is certainly merit to the overall picture that my generation tends to put themselves first. This can be seen in everything from having an underlying sense of entitlement to a lack of commitment and to the classic FOMO (fear of missing out) that we all seem to have. I know these things have certainly been true of me. I still remember my single days when I relished the freedom I had on any given night to mosey home from work and decide if I wanted to go out with friends, hit the gym, veg out on Netflix, or do whatever else that floated my boat. After getting married, I had to learn (and am still learning) how to put my wife’s needs above my own and consider her in everything I do. Now, with two young children, I have very little time for myself as I am constantly being poured out for family!

The call and cost of a disciple

“The first Christ-suffering which every man must experience is the call to abandon the attachments of this world. It is that dying of the old man which is the result of his encounter with Christ. As we embark upon the discipleship we surrender ourselves to Christ in union with his death-we give over our lives to death. Thus it begins; the cross is not the terrible end to an otherwise god-fearing and happy life, but it meets us at the beginning of our communion with Christ. When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.”

—Dietrich Bonhoeffer (The Cost of Discipleship, p.89)

Practically, walking out my calling to be a husband and father entails dying to my desire to spend time serving myself and learning to renounce my millennial self-centeredness for the sake of caring for my family. Although it may feel costly at times, God is drawing me closer to himself and teaching me what it means to not live for myself, but for him and those whom he has called me to love. Not only so, but, as Bonhoeffer says, he is inviting me into genuine communion and fellowship with Christ, which uniquely results from bearing my cross for the sake of his calling on my life. When I embrace the calling to lay down my life in this way, I find that my heart is more aligned with Christ’s and that my true life and joy are found in him. This is a great lesson for a self-centered millennial!

God’s calling to pick up your cross and die to self is inevitably painful. Every cross has its own challenges for each person. Although there are several implications for what it means to bear your cross, this begins with dying to the worldly lusts and desires that we once held dear. It is a call to lay our wills, ambitions, plans, and wants down for the sake of seeing Christ reign in and through our lives. It is only then that we can begin to experience true fellowship and communion with Christ.

Take a moment to reflect on your own life and circumstances. In what ways might God be calling you to deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow him?

Jesus Christ denied himself and took up his cross for the joy set before him: to reconcile us to God and be seated with him in glory. We too must take up our cross and endure suffering for the sake of Christ, that we might also partake in his joy. May you take up this call today, that you might experience the fellowship and joy that comes through walking with Jesus Christ.

In March of 2012, my wife and I, along with a group of dear friends, planted Citylight Church in Philadelphia. I was 26 years old and well over the average age among the early members of the church. By God’s grace, Citylight and I have aged, but we are still very young. As a result, the elders of Citylight Church have had the privilege and challenge of reaching, and then shepherding, a flock full of millennials and iGens toward sexual fidelity when that demographic increasingly embraces unbiblical positions on sex, sexuality, marriage, pornography, and gender. Throughout the journey, one passage of Scripture that has been particularly formative for us is Colossians 1:28-29 (ESV): “Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.”

In this rich passage, we have found three guiding principles for making disciples among generations steeped in sexual confusion and brokenness. Proclaim. Warn and Teach. Remember Your Goal and Your Energy.

Proclaim Jesus

The very best way to help young people honor Jesus with their sexuality is by proclaiming to them all that Jesus is and all that Jesus does. We’ve watched something stunning happen over the years at Citylight as we tirelessly proclaim Jesus Christ as the eternal Son who was with the Father in the beginning, as the One through whom and for whom everything was made, as the Word that became flesh and dwelt among us, as the perfect high priest who has brought us to God through his shed blood, as the resurrected Lord who secures our new birth, as the One who is with us always by the indwelling Holy Spirit, as the King who invites us into a kingdom larger than our own, and as the Savior who will return to deliver us from the wrath to come.

We’ve seen people become increasingly captivated by Jesus and decreasingly captivated by unbiblical sexual beliefs and practices. Many of the millennials I know (myself included) are worn out by their own narcissism. We are hungry for a King whose Kingdom isn’t a celebration of us. As we proclaim the wonder of Jesus’ person and work, over time, we’ve seen countless young people turn from the idol of sex to serve the “living and true God” (1 Thessalonians 1:9).

Never stop proclaiming Jesus.

Warn and Teach

Teaching is the orderly presentation of Christian truth for converts so that they may know how to grow.1 Since we want to present everyone in Citylight Church mature in Christ, we have to explicitly connect the proclamation of Jesus to the details of people’s lives, and that happens through warning and teaching. Gone are the days when people naturally connect the message of the gospel to its implications for sexuality. We have to warn and teach so that gospel proclamation leads to specific gospel application.

Many of the millennials I know (myself included) are worn out by their own narcissism. We are hungry for a King whose Kingdom isn’t a celebration of us.

When it comes to teaching, one of the very best ways to connect the gospel to issues of sexuality is to preach through books of the Bible when the church gathers. This practice ensures that we will talk a lot about sexual issues because the Bible talks a lot about sexual issues.

Other ways that we teach our church to connect the gospel to its sexual implications are through membership classes, our member covenant, through our small group leader trainings, through our weekly small groups that discuss the book of the Bible we are learning from on Sundays, and by encouraging and resourcing a culture of one-to-one discipleship where we help apply the gospel to the details of one another’s lives.

Warning in Scripture refers to confronting with the intent of changing one’s attitudes and actions. Warning is critical for maturity. In Proverbs, Solomon warns his maturing son that though sexual sin looks fabulous, he needs to know that “the dead are there” (Proverbs 9:18). Solomon warns his son by helping him consider where sexual sin will lead. At Citylight, we try to encourage a culture of love and courage that makes warning possible. Love desires the best for the other, and courage is willing to get in the way of someone walking toward destruction.

Most millennials have been discipled by the culture into a “live and let live” mindset when it comes to sexual expression. The result is that warning often feels like hate, rather than love. However, we have to keep Jesus’ interaction with the rich young man in mind (Mark 10:17-22). Verse 21 says that Jesus looked at the rich young man and loved him. Jesus then proceeded to tell the young man something he would have hated to hear: sell all that you have. Jesus, love incarnate, teaches us that love sometimes warns and says things that the beloved might hate to hear for the sake of their good (see also Acts 20:20).

I have one very practical encouragement to pastors and leaders when it comes to teaching and warning others: equip the saints for the work of ministry (Ephesians 4:12). Teaching and warning one another to apply the gospel to issues of sexuality requires a level of closeness that a leader can only have with so many people. Therefore, the Christian leader should make it their goal to equip the saints to teach and warn one another (Romans 15:14). There is no perfect structure for equipping the saints to teach and warn one another (classes, training, leader development, online courses, etc.). Simply pick one, start equipping your people, and adjust the structure as needed.

I am overjoyed to tell you that God is powerfully at work in churches throughout our region who are reaching scores of young people and maintaining biblical fidelity in the area of gender and sexuality.

Equipping the saints to minister to one another’s sexual struggles is aided significantly by a culture of family in the church. The two best ways I know to create a culture of family in the church are to talk about the church as a family constantly and have the leaders go first in modeling transparency about their sexual struggles with a few trusted church members who can, in turn, do the same with other church members.

Remember Your Goal and Your Energy

Finally, keep your goal in mind as you minister to this confused generation. On this side of eternity, the results of proclaiming, warning, and teaching will always be a mixed bag. As a result, discouragement will always be nipping at your heels as you seek to lead people (young or old) toward sexual fidelity. As someone who is easily prone toward discouragement, I have to press into the goal of and energy behind my shepherding. My goal is to present everyone mature in Christ. My ministry isn’t about me; it’s about Christ. Why should I be discouraged?

My energy is the powerful working of God. Prayer kills discouragement and leads us into dependence on God who is powerful. I am overjoyed to tell you that God is powerfully at work in churches throughout our region who are reaching scores of young people and maintaining biblical fidelity in the area of gender and sexuality. Rest assured, you do not need to compromise Scripture’s clear teaching on human sexuality to reach people or build the church. Jesus will build his church. That’s his promise. Our privilege is to toil and struggle for our people with all his energy that he powerfully works within us!

This article was first published in the Spring 2019 issue of harvestusa magazine. You can read the entire issue in digital form here.

1 The New American Commentary, Philippians, Colossians, & Philemon by Richard Melick Jr.

“What’s wrong with changing your gender if your body is sick—if your body is wrong for you?”  

How’s that for a question to answer? The question’s larger context was this: If you’re sick, you go to the doctor and get help. If you lose your leg, you get a prosthesis. If you’re depressed, you take medication. So what’s wrong with changing your gender if your body is sick, if something is wrong with it? 

Ellen Dykas and I went to a coffeehouse talk for young adults at Calvary Church in Souderton. Calvary has a terrific discussion event called Living Room Tuesdays, where, according to their website, “these meetings are meant to be a safe place for young adults to discuss issues, ask questions, and learn how the Bible directs us to respond to these issues.” As John McCants, the Pastor of Young Adult Ministries (who, BTW, is totally in sync with this age group!) said to us, “We’ve got to get Christians thinking well on these subjects. We don’t want to be stupid!”

So, yes, it was a safe place to open up and talk about transgenderism. But what came through was the fact that this is, indeed, a very hot topic. And one rife with confusion, courtesy of our culture’s pervasive post-Christian views of gender and sexuality.

After an hour of interactive discussion with John McCants, we took questions. Lots of questions. Questions that really couldn’t be answered with a simple yes or no, do this or don’t do that. Wisdom questions and conscience questions, particularly about how to intersect faith with living our Christian lives “out there” in the marketplace.

Then, near the end of our time, came the question at the top. Upon hearing it, I recognized the cultural mindset behind it. If someone feels this way, then why do Christians find fault with it, especially if, for them, it might be a life or death issue? There are lots of things we fix or change in life, so why shouldn’t transgenderism just be another one?

Our churches need to get these cultural issues on the table for discussion, to air them out, and to help people see the wisdom of God’s design in making men and women his image bearers.

Lurking behind this individualistic framework is our culture’s insistence that truth and reality are arrived at from my own personal experience. And if there is no God, then who I am (identity) and what I do (purpose) are entirely up to me.

Tragically, it’s a mindset that has infiltrated the church. While Christians should respect people’s life experiences, we must also be a people who believe that who we are and what we are here for is determined by God, who has put into place both design and boundary lines so that we might live well.

I couldn’t go too deep into a cultural worldview discussion at that point (we were wrapping things up after two long hours!), but this is what came to my mind. I acknowledged the deep struggle someone might have with aligning their biological sex with their sense of gender, but more foundational than someone’s distress is this issue: Does God have a primary claim on who we are, or are we in charge of choosing whatever seems right for us?

Then I said: Since when is being male a disease to be cured? Since when is being female a medical condition that needs intervention? If there are no biological complexities involved like intersex complications, why would you do this to an otherwise healthy, normal body? Why do we intervene in other “body dysmorphic” issues like anorexia but not this one?  

With someone who is literally starving but believes she is overweight, we properly locate where the struggle is: The person’s mind and heart, which has become influenced by self-destructive impulses, erroneous beliefs, and cultural distortions of what a body should look like. 

Why would we not do the same with a gender-confused person? We need to help that individual live well within his or her “assigned gender,” to learn that being male or female reflects the image of God and his purposes for our lives.   

There’s more to be said about the issue of transgenderism, but Calvary Church in Souderton, PA, is on the right track. Our churches need to get these cultural issues on the table for discussion, to air them out, and to help people see the wisdom of God’s design in making men and women his image bearers.

Go to this link to see the videos on this discussion, as well as follow-up videos from the second time we had a similar discussion at Calvary.  


Stay up to date

Copyright 2021, All Rights Reserved. Developed for HarvestUSA by Polymath Innovations.