A betrayed wife needs to know that Jesus sees her, that he is near to her broken heart, and that the church is like his hospital.
May 2, 2024

My Journey as a Betrayed Wife: Comforted to Comfort Others

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Harvest USA’s mission is twofold: to disciple people impacted by sexual sin and to equip local churches to do the same. Here’s a story of a woman who came to our wives’ ministry years ago for her own hurting heart. Once a betrayed wife, she is now offering the comfort she received to comfort others.

I first contacted Harvest USA through the Parents and Family Ministry. My husband and I were seeking guidance on how to best love our daughter who identifies as transgender. My husband also began attending a men’s group for his pornography use. However, for some time I felt there was something more going on in secret with him. I would pray for him and the same prayer would crop up in my heart: “Lord, please don’t let it be really bad.”

One day in 2020, I asked him if he was being faithful to me in our marriage. He got up, pulled some paper from his briefcase, and began to read his confession to me. For six to seven years, he had been having sex with random men that he found online.

A Betrayed Wife: Shattered, Humbled, and Comforted 

I was completely shattered—a betrayed wife.

Eventually, I attended the Harvest USA wives’ group working through Jesus and Your Unwanted Journey. I looked forward to meeting with other wives who were feeling my pain; I felt alone, unseen, and forgotten. Through this ministry, I received the care and healing I desperately needed. I learned about how great my Lord truly is to know me, comfort me, and teach me how I could forgive my husband and have hope in Christ amid the most difficult storm of my life.

Healing and Daring to Think I Could Comfort Others

While I attended my group, I wondered if God might use my journey to help other wives like me. Then there was an opportunity for me to co-lead a group using the same Harvest USA workbook I used. I wasn’t sure about my ability to co-lead yet knew that God put this on my heart to do. I have co-led one group so far and look forward to continuing.

It has been such an honor to co-lead a wives’ group! As much as I hope to bless the wives that attend, it’s been a deep blessing for me. I use the notes I took during my group experience as we go through the workbook because it gives me insight as to how I was feeling at the time. This helps me relate to these ladies where they are now. It’s hard to witness their pain, yet exciting that they’re pressing onward toward the goal of deepening their faith in the only One who can love them best.

I still have doubts about myself as a co-leader. These ladies are so tender and wounded; I get anxious that I might say something that would cause them to stumble on their journey. Sometimes I get emotional because something one of the ladies says or their situation reminds me of my hurt. But then, it’s in those moments when I can better connect with them and meet them where they are. I’m learning to become more comfortable co-leading with every session.  

My co-leader has a wonderful way of encouraging me, and I think we make a great team. We always pray for the ladies and pray that the Lord’s words would be on our lips. It has been a privilege to help other betrayed wives through their struggles knowing that, in the end, they will have a deeper relationship with Jesus—no matter what the outcome of their marriage is.

Maybe God Will Open Ministry Doors for You, Too

When I met with the Harvest staff woman a few days after my discovery, I was still in shock—wondering how I would get through to the next day and sleep that night. Co-leading a group was definitely not on my radar. As a matter of fact, because of the pandemic, it was over a year before I attended my wives’ group. I had time to experience the grief of my husband’s betrayal. It is certainly a significant loss that requires as much time as the sufferer needs to process. As with any ministry call, the prompting should be between the Caller and the one being called.

One of the worst things that happened to me throughout my journey was not being seen in my suffering. I was constantly dancing between those who must not know about his betrayal, the few who did know and with whom I could talk, and the folks who knew and didn’t understand that I needed help or how to help me—all while trying to carry on a “normal” existence with my children, a job, and my life. It was incredibly exhausting. A betrayed wife needs a safe space to journey through her suffering. While reflecting on Mark 16:1–8 in the last session of the wives’ workbook (titled “Hope: Fight for Christ-Centered, Faith-Fueled Realism for Your Future”), one of my sister attendees shared that “sometimes it takes a large, heavy stone to get between me and Jesus to know that only God can move the stone.”

A betrayed wife needs to know that Jesus sees her, that he is near to her broken heart, and that the church is like his hospital, where he knits marriages and individual lives back together. Sexual betrayal may or may not end a marriage. Yet I know, through my experience, that the faithful servants at Harvest USA have never failed to point my husband and me to Jesus.

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