We serve not so that people will serve attend to us in return, but because we are ultimately serving our King. We live for him first and foremost.

To learn more about this topic, consider purchasing one of our resources, such as Sexual Sanity for Men by David White and What’s Wrong with a Little Porn When You’re Single? by R. Nicholas Black. When you buy these books from Harvest USA, 100% of your purchase will benefit our ministry.

You can also read the blog, “Techniques Don’t Offer Life—Christ Does,” which corresponds to this video.

Do non-Christians care about sexual sin, particularly behaviors like masturbation that our culture views as benign? Believe it or not, many do! There are even online support groups for unbelievers who are particularly focused on stopping behaviors like masturbation and pornography. Groups such as Sexaholics Anonymous have very stringent standards for sobriety, and yet many of the people who regularly attend would not claim to follow Christ.

Through the biblical category of “common grace,” we can acknowledge that someone can overcome addictive sexual behaviors and still be dead in their sins. What this means is that a biblical approach to repentance must have a deeper aim beyond mere behavioral change.

At the root of all true Christian ministry stands not a technique, but the person and work of Jesus Christ. Whatever good people may attain through techniques, they are of zero lasting benefit if those techniques do not lead them to Christ. Jesus said as much in John 5:39–40:“You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life” (ESV).

At some point or another in our lives, aren’t we all guilty of reading Scripture merely to check if off our lists? It is a sobering thought that even reading the Bible can itself become a technique devoid of Christ and therefore have no power to give life to the reader. If you are seeking to offer hope to someone stuck in slavery to sexual sin, or if you yourself need hope, you must keep their—and your—eyes fixed on the only person who can give eternal life in whatever techniques you offer.

Your goal in helping a brother or sister should be the same goal of the apostle John in writing his gospel. John said, “These are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name” (John 20:31).

At first glance, you might hear John’s words only in an evangelistic context. You might say, “My brother or sister already believes in Jesus, but they still struggle with sin.” Certainly, if you only see belief in Jesus as an entrance into life and not the way of life, then you will forfeit any power to fight sin.

Faith in Christ unites us to him and all of his saving benefits. Through Spirit-wrought faith, a believer has passed from death to life. Their old nature died with Christ, and their new nature was raised to walk in newness of life. The believer’s new life is fundamentally sustained by the one who said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life” (John 14:6).

This life that Christ gives is not limited to the moment of regeneration but is instead a constant wellspring that sustains you through your eternal union with Christ. Every second of eternal life that you enjoy both now and forever will be inextricably linked to your union with Christ.

John uniquely highlights Christ’s life-giving power in almost every chapter of his gospel. Jesus frequently speaks of eternal life that he alone can give. But this gift is not something outside of him; Jesus offers himself. Here is a sample of these statements:

  • “In him was life, and the life was the light of men” (John 1:4).
  • “For as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, so also the Son gives life to whom he will” (John 5:21).
  • “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst”
    (John 6:35).
  • “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly”
    (John 10:10).
  • “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live” (John 11:25).

Without specifically using the word “life” in John 15, Jesus speaks of the utmost necessity of abiding in him for bearing any good fruit. He says, “Apart from me, you can do nothing.” Jesus uses the metaphor of a vine and branches to clearly illustrate that a branch cut off from the vine has no life.

What this means practically is that your primary aim as a helper for those struggling with sin is pointing them to the way, the truth, and the life. Are other things needed to overcome sexual sin? Yes. People need community. People need to cut off access to temptation. People need to confess their sins and learn how to love others instead of consuming them. But all of those efforts and means of repenting have no eternal power if they are cut off from Christ.

In response to Walter Marshall’s classic work, The Gospel Mystery of Sanctification, Bruce McRae writes in a footnote about the spiritual disciplines, or means of grace, “These ‘means of grace’ are not what you do to attain holiness; they are what bring you into a deeper fellowship with Christ who makes you more holy.”¹

Your life, Christian, is only found in Christ. More than any other activity or responsibility you have today, may your first and primary goal be to abide in Christ. Your life is so united to the life of Christ that you can say with the apostle Paul, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).

 

 

¹ In his book, Walter Marshall outlines nine different means of grace: reading Scripture; examining one’s life by the Scriptures; meditating on Scripture; baptism; the Lord’s Supper; prayer; singing; fasting; and fellowship and relationships with other Christians in the Church.

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You can also watch the video, “Serving Self or Serving Christ,” which corresponds to this blog.

What is it like to be a Christian parent of an LGBTQ+-identified child? You may be intimately acquainted with what this means by having experienced it yourself, or perhaps you have imagined how this would feel and the burden it would place on a parent’s heart. The following article is a window into a mother’s experience and inner dialogue as she navigates these difficult waters with the Lord.

I find myself making so many demands of God. “Lord, dismantle the devices of the evil one. Blast through the darkness and flood my daughter’s life with clarity, truth, and life. Exchange the chaos that rules her soul with your order and peace. Make known to her the vastness of your goodness and the magnitude of your majesty. Make her see your holiness and the desperateness of her sin, and cause her to know the immeasurable greatness of your mercy as you embrace her. Lord, simply let her know that you are good and great so that she will see that she is lost.” And I go on and on, tears accompanying these commands with little provocation.

What right do I have to boss God around? I have no justification apart from my position in Christ to ask anything of him, let alone ask with fervor and impatience. I am at his mercy, and I realize I have no other recourse in this desperate situation with my lost daughter than to cry out to him. It’s obvious that I have no control over this and, if anything, have been a contributing factor in some way or another. (I do not mean to say that I caused my daughter to choose an LGBTQ+ life. My daughter’s confusion about her identity has much to do with her own sinful heart, cultural influences, desires for fulfillment and validation, and many external factors apart from my direct influence.)

So the bottom line is that, despite wanting to fix everything and make it right, I have no power to do so. Only God does. I guess I don’t want to have that kind of power, really, though a huge part of me wishes I could go back in time and somehow untangle all the strands that knotted into the confusion now in my daughter’s mind. It would be scary to entrust my grossly limited mind and despicably tainted heart with any real power. It’s just so tempting for a mother to want to do anything at all to see her daughter in sweet fellowship with the Lord and this nightmare redeemed.

That thought of redemption is the thing to which I cling, hoping and trusting that the One who does have the power to change (and the mind and heart to know why this devastation is our current reality) will make this all well in the end. He will be known to many, and his power will be exalted before masses, and his goodness will be proclaimed to the brokenhearted. One day, it will really count for something more than the bucket of tears I am accumulating now and the untold pain that my daughter has accrued.

But all of those demands that I make incessantly…I’ve been appealing to God on her behalf for decades already. I have begged the Lord to grant me another child who would know him as Lord and Savior and be one of his very own. And I have prayed daily for her growth in grace and protection from the evil one as she matured. The bottom line is that if the volume of pleas and tears could be measured and rewarded in tangible ways in this life, then I have been shortchanged in the absence of God’s response.

Have there been times when I have questioned God’s faithfulness? I have often asked how my daughter could have come to her conclusions, but God keeps circling me back to focus on his economy of time. He doesn’t have to follow my timetable, despite my pleas for miraculous transformation right this second. I will keep asking, and God will do as he knows best. I will rest in the truths that The Valley of Vision outlines in the prayer “Openness”: “Nothing can befall me without his permission, appointment, and administration.”

In the meantime, in this almost unbearable season of waiting, I will pray that I will daily learn more of his love, grace, compassion, faithfulness, and beauty. And I am sure that he will teach me much about my heart and its need to be led to the cross to see my Savior’s wounds for me.

In my last post, I talked about what 1 Corinthians 7:4 does not say. I argued that the passage does not, in any way, support sex on demand in marriage. Today, I’d like to consider what it does say. The picture of sex in marriage that these verses present is radically countercultural in our world. In these verses, both the husband and the wife are called to give to the other spouse sexually, with intentional, purposeful deliberateness. The picture is not one of stimulus-response, passion-driven, sex-drive satisfaction.

To use classical categories, sex is described as an expression of agape love, not eros love. Agape is the intentional, deliberate, self-sacrificial love with which God loves us, and with which we are then called to love each other. Eros is the passion of sexual desire. Sex in marriage may obviously entail eros, but it is to be primarily led by agape.

In our culture, eros is revered, even worshiped, as the highest experience, the key to human flourishing, the foundation and requisite of any life-partner relationship, even in marriage. Our culture expects the passion of erotic attraction to be the initiating and sustaining dynamic of any such relationship—so much so that we might say that eros itself is the goal, and relationships only exist or continue inasmuch as they serve eros.

But think of how destructive this eros-led view is to a marriage: A couple plunges into marriage, sure that they have found (or have been found by!) true love. But when the daily, mundane, and unpleasant work of living with another sinful being comes to the fore, the erotic attraction to each other fades or disappears altogether. They’ve lost “that lovin’ feeling.” Sex ends. The relationship requires increasingly harder work, even as their motivation to do that hard work disappears. Of course, this happens because the foundation of the relationship was romantic eros. And the problem is not just the fact that spontaneous romantic erotic arousal fades for the married couple. Equally destructive is the fact that the capacity for arousal does not disappear—it just leaves this relationship. Eros is fickle, elusive, and spontaneous, with a spontaneity that is just as likely to attach itself to someone outside of the marriage. Or, frustrated by its elusiveness, a husband or wife can harness it to their imaginations via pornography or romance novels. Many marriages don’t survive this.

But wait. Perhaps you have heard this often. Christians usually advise that the marriage relationship be based on more than sexual attraction. But 1 Corinthians 7 says something much less common; it extends this principle to sexuality itself. In other words, you may have heard that a marriage relationship should not be led by sexual arousal. In these verses, God tells us that sex should not be led by sexual arousal, at least not primarily! The picture that the apostle Paul paints is not of two people waiting for the rush of romantic attraction to come upon them. Our culture worships moments like this. Such a synchronous alignment of erotic attraction is deemed proof you have found the “real thing.” But, in reality, this is only a firm basis for something as temporary and fleeting as a one-time hookup, nothing more. No, these verses teach us that not only marriage in the broader sense, but also the sexual expression of that marriage, is to be founded in, shaped by, motivated by, and sustained by intentional, deliberate, self-sacrificial agape love.

Perhaps you can imagine some of the implications of this radical perspective on sex and marriage. I will mention a few.

If you are married:

  • Your sex life is not captive to the whims of erotic attraction. If husband and wife are motivated to move toward the other sexually on the basis of an intentional commitment to give to the other sacrificially, sex will not be limited to those rare moments when the erotic stars align. Isn’t it obvious that a couple applying Paul’s instruction will have sex more often? The irony is that this will result in much more eros in a marriage, not less; however, it will not be the driving force, but a fruit of agape.
  • There is hope for your marriage, despite your personal history of eros. Many married people have lengthy, personal histories of being led by eros. Not only have they learned to be slaves of spontaneous erotic attraction, but that attraction has habitually been attached to something other than their spouse, like other individuals (i.e., old flames) or pornographic images. The memory and power of these habits of eros have no respect for your marriage vows. If you continue to be led by eros, these old habits will constantly intrude and compete quite effectively against your spouse for your loyalty. But if you make even your sexuality subject to your agape love for your spouse, the two of you will build new habits of eros on a foundation that your old memories can’t touch. Having renounced their power to control you, these old, erotic masters will increasingly lose their ability to draw you away from your spouse.

If you are single:

  • Your sex life is not captive to the whims of erotic attraction. The world and your own flesh are trying to seduce you into patterns of slavery to erotic attraction that will leave you empty, broken, discarded, and hopeless. Now is the time to learn to receive God’s agape love and give it to others. This love is your eternal inheritance; it, not eros, is the key to human flourishing. Practice treating it as such. And if, in the future, God brings you into marriage, the eros you enjoy will depend upon the agape love in that marriage. Be wary of how pornography, the media, and peers seek to train you otherwise.

Take heart that Christ came to redeem all aspects of sexuality, including your beliefs about sexual attraction and love.

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You can also watch the video, “What About the Sexless Marriage?,” which corresponds to this blog.

Let’s suppose…the husband is truly repentant and growing, but he also feels like his wife’s coldness to him is making it more difficult. Is 1 Corinthians 7:1–5 relevant for him?

To learn more about this topic, consider purchasing one of our resources, such as What’s Wrong with a Little Porn When You’re Married? by R. Nicholas Black and God, You, and Sex: A Profound Mystery by David White. When you buy these books from Harvest USA, 100% of your purchase will benefit our ministry.

You can also read the blog, “The Whims of Erotic Attraction and 1 Corinthians 7,” which corresponds to this video.

Journey companions form relationships that help us grow towards sexual and relational integrity and intentionally pursue transparency, Christ-centered conversations, and a mutual commitment to becoming more like Jesus.

To learn more about this topic, consider purchasing one of our resources, such as Sex and the Single Girl  by Ellen Dykas and What’s Wrong with a Little Porn When You’re Single by R. Nicholas Black. When you buy these books from Harvest USA, 100% of your purchase will benefit our ministry.

You can also read the blog, “Bearing One Another’s Burdens,” which corresponds to this video.

Galatians 6:2 instructs Christians to “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Bear someone else’s burdens?! How are we supposed to do that when our own hearts are buckling under the weight of our own problems? Even if we did try, how are we supposed to do that? What does it look like?

Paul uses the phrase “bear one another’s burdens” in his letters to the churches in Galatia and Ephesus (see Ephesians 4:11–5:14). These letters are not filled with suggestions; rather, they are commands for believers to “grow up in Christ.” When we are ensnared in sin, Galatians 6:1–10 beautifully explains how we come alongside each other by pursuing with love, seeking restoration with gentleness and humility, and compassionately carrying the weight of pain, shame, and struggle. In addition to Christ as the ultimate bearer of our burdens, God provides fellow Christians to share life’s weight. God never intended that our spiritual journey be limited to living on our own islands; instead, he gave us the body of Christ. But what does it look like to bear one another’s burdens in real life?

Our Harvest USA Women’s Ministry team calls those who bear our burdens “journey companions.” Journey companions are people you invite to intentionally help you grow in your relationship with the Lord. Some people might call this an accountability partner, but we prefer the term journey companion because, honestly, many Christians have taken the concept of accountability and formed misleading, unhelpful practices that, in the end, haven’t worked!

The journey companion relationship is more than a set list of accountability questions regarding particular sin struggles that only require “yes “or ”no” answers. We have found that for true burden-bearing relationships to work most effectively, there needs to be a relationship. This means that people come together for the purpose of transparent life-sharing about sin struggles and make commitments to grow in Christ through prayer and applying God’s Word. Simply put, journey companions agree to know who we really are and to encourage us through listening, speaking the truth in love when we fail, and faithfully praying for us.

The problem is that many of us have not experienced this type of life-on-life, burden-bearing relationship. If this is you, don’t be discouraged! You can find guidance for these relationships by seeking God in prayer and in Scripture.

Here are four ways we can bear one another’s burdens:

  1. Comfort
    Provide encouragement for the painful and often difficult race of faith. II Corinthians 1:3 calls God “the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction.” Those verses don’t say some of our afflictions, but rather all. With God, “all” means “all.” In our heartaches and struggles, God lavishes us with his direct and personal comfort. Verse 4 says that God comforts us so that we might be able to comfort others with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. This is one of the most beautiful “pay it forward” blessings we can be a part of. May we be gentle, humble, compassionate conduits of God’s comfort to others.
  1. Challenge
    Exhort one another to seriously battle sin without growing weary. Ephesians 4:12, 16, and 29 mention building one another up. Often, we take “building up” in Ephesians 4:29 to simply mean lifting up or encouraging someone. However, if we compare these three verses in chapter 4, we see that Paul has in mind all that is involved in building up the body “into” Christ—in other words, helping each other know and love Christ more and love each other more in him. Journey-companion relationships will involve real-life conversations that are specific to the struggles we experience, so ”challenge” should include speaking truth that is specifically shaped by that. The goal of our truth-speaking to each other is not merely to curb an undesirable behavior, or even to prevent sin. It is nothing less than deeper relationship with Christ and all that that entails, especially love.
  1. Consistency
    Establish intentional and regular meeting times with life-sharing as your primary focus. Hebrews 10:24–25 soberly reminds readers that the day of Christ’s return is drawing near, and one of the things the author emphasizes is to “not neglect meeting together, as is the habit of some.” Persevering in faith is a community effort, and encouraging one another to persevere requires consistently being together.
  1. Celebrate
    Notice any movement of the Spirit and celebrate spiritual growth together. This is often an element absent from these accountability relationships. We tend to focus so much on our sin or what we need to do to be a better Christian that we miss the beauty of seeing God’s hand at work. To be celebrated is to be seen by another. Don’t neglect to celebrate victories, new responses to temptation, surpassing peace, God’s provision of physical needs, or changed thought patterns. Basically, be on the lookout for any movement of the Spirit in someone’s life and name it! As we are called to weep with those who weep, may we also joyfully rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15).

To some, the idea of seeking out a burden-bearing journey companion may prompt excitement, hope, and inspiration; others may feel fearful, anxious, and ashamed. We are all most likely in different places in our willingness to actively engage in these types of relationships. You know what? That’s okay! These relationships take time, but as we grow, we can seek to bear one another’s burdens by being present, offering Bible-based counsel, following up on struggles, listening intently, and celebrating any movement of the Holy Spirit that happens in our lives, one step at a time.

This blog post is taken from our upcoming Harvest USA Women’s Ministry discipleship workbook, which will be released in December 2020.

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You can also watch the video, “Finding Faithful Journey Companions,” which corresponds to this blog.

The story of the Israelites wandering in the wilderness is an oft-used example for illustrating unbelief. Even after God rescued them from the Egyptians, the Israelites complained, rebelled, lacked faith, and committed some serious idolatry. If you’re like me, you can easily shake your head in disapproval over their glaring sins. But why do we so easily judge them? Is it just because we’re so proud and arrogant and think we could do better? On some level, yes. But in a positive sense, I believe, as observers, we rightly and readily see the folly of their unbelief. The reason we perceive their sin so clearly is because we see the bigger picture. On the front end, we see how miraculously God saved them from Egypt. But even more powerfully, we already know how their wilderness journey ends. We know that God will bring them safely into the Promised Land, and that he will deliver their enemies into their hands. This is why it’s so distressing to read the account of the spies returning from Canaan. We agonize over the passage, wishing the people of Israel could hear us when we cry out, “Listen to Joshua and Caleb! The land is yours; God will fight for you!”

This kind of strong confidence in God’s ability to accomplish his purposes for his people is a desired result of reading God’s Word. We should read the story of the Old Testament and come away from it lamenting the people’s sin and praising God for his grace and faithfulness.

But the problem we run into is that we don’t understand how similar Israel’s story is to our own. This is why Hebrews is such a necessary book for every Christian, especially Christians who are struggling. Hebrews tells us that the Church in this age is marked by a people traveling through the wilderness. Just like the Israelites, we’ve experienced a miraculous salvation out of slavery. We are now a free people in Christ, and God dwells in our midst through the Holy Spirit. But we are also a people who haven’t yet made it home. Hebrews is written to warn the Church to not give up in the wilderness. As the author of Hebrews describes our situation, “There remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God” (Hebrews 4:9).

What does the wilderness mean for God’s people? It involves suffering, groaning, longing, danger, discouragement. What does the wilderness require for God’s people? It requires faith, hope, endurance, patience, remembering what God has done, and calling to mind what God has promised.

Giving into sexual sin is essentially telling God, “I’m tired of the wilderness. I’m tired of this manna. I’m tired of waiting for you to bring me home. Look, right over there is a great plot of land, with ample water, and a home custom-built for me. I’m not following you anymore; I’m going to settle right here.”

Brothers and sisters, just like we want to shout at the spies in Numbers 13, Hebrews 12 tells us that there is a great cloud of witnesses, made up of all of God’s people who have finished their wilderness wanderings, who have made it home. They are pleading with us, “Don’t settle there; don’t give up! Keep going, keep trusting, keep your eyes fixed on Christ. He will bring you safely home!”

As you know, love, and care for people who are struggling with sexual sin in the wilderness, here are a few ways you can pray for them, based on the book of Hebrews. You could also pray these prayers for yourself:

“Father, protect my brother from an evil unbelieving heart. Help me to speak the truth in love. Take my exhortations and use them to guard his heart against the deceitfulness of sin.” (Hebrews 3:12–13)

“Jesus, usher my friend gently into your throne room of grace. Bring to her mind all of the ways you have suffered through temptation, yet have not sinned, so that she finds grace in her time of need from you, her sympathetic high priest.” (Hebrews 4:14–16)

“Lord, I see how easily he loses heart in the midst of suffering. He struggles to trust in your promises when sin offers tangible relief right now. Point him to Jesus, our forerunner, who has already entered into the highest heaven, becoming a high priest forever interceding for him, so that he might no longer be tossed to and fro but have a steadfast anchor for his soul.” (Hebrews 6:19–20)

“Merciful Father, when she is tempted, help her to believe that in this very moment, Jesus is praying for her.” (Hebrews 7:25)

“Gracious Lord Jesus, help me to know how to stir him up to love and good works. Give me strength and wisdom to encourage him, because the day of your coming is drawing near, and we want to be found doing our Father’s will.” (Hebrews 10:24-25)

“O Lord, my sister sees what so many other people have in this world, and she struggles to understand why you would keep that from her. Guard her heart from despair and selfishness. Instead, may a deepening anticipation and knowledge of her better and abiding possession in the heavenly places move her towards compassion and love for those in need.” (Hebrews 10:34)

“Heavenly Father, my brother has trained his mind for years to live only for what he can see with his eyes. He struggles to see any reward by drawing near to you in faith. Protect him from throwing away his eternal inheritance for a single meal.” (Hebrews 11:6, 12:16)

“Our great shepherd and forerunner, give me spiritual sight to see a better country from afar. Give me the grace to embrace my pilgrim identity. Grant me a holy longing for a heavenly homeland, and remind me that you are preparing a city for me to dwell in forever.” (Hebrews 11:13–16)


You can also watch the video, “Doubting God’s Help in Our Time of Need,” which corresponds to this blog.

True heart change is never a one-step process. And prayer is not an exchange with God that automatically makes us feel a certain way.

To learn more about this topic, consider purchasing one of our resources, such as What’s Wrong with a Little Porn When You’re Single? by R. Nicholas Black and How to Say No When Your Body Says “Yes” by Dan Wilson. When you buy these books from Harvest USA, 100% of your purchase will benefit our ministry.

You can also read the blog, “Prayers for a Wilderness People,” which corresponds to this video.

The following is an abbreviated excerpt from Chapter 7 of our new parents’ curriculum, Shattered Dreams, New Hope: First Aid for Parents Whose Son or Daughter Has Embraced an LGBTQ+ Identity, which is now available as a free digital download. Here are some thoughts about inviting others to help you in the midst of your struggle and suffering.

When a child “comes out of the closet,” parents often go “into the closet” in response. You may find yourself wanting to hide what has been exposed, seek refuge in isolation, and essentially cut yourself off from those who could help. Many rationalizations make this seem like a valid choice. Some parents hold onto the hope that their child will simply outgrow this phase. Others may be in complete denial, choosing not to believe that it is happening at all. Ignorance seems like bliss. Shame can also drive you into the closet, generating an intense fear of what others will think while simultaneously convincing you that no one else could fully grasp the situation. Some children who share their new sexual identity or gender with a parent are not yet ready to share it with others, so the parent is compelled to remain silent. You may feel entirely alone right now, holding onto a secret you are unwilling to share or are unable to disclose. Telling others that your son or daughter now identifies as gay or transgender makes the situation real, almost like an acceptance of their announcement. Understandably, hiding yourself away may seem like a safer alternative.

What is keeping you from bringing others in to help? Of what are you afraid?

You must share this burden with others. You were not created to cope with situations like this on your own, so community is essential for every parent. God has not only given his Holy Spirit and Scripture to comfort and guide, but he has also placed you within a body of believers who can walk alongside you through your struggles. You need others to reinforce the truth and authority of Scripture in your life. Scripture must be your anchor when you feel abandoned or confused by God’s actions. It is the place that shapes your reality and offers a firm foundation about both God and your situation, and often we need others to remind us of the truth found within its pages. You must bring your situation into the light, for the good of you and your child.

Though scary and fearful, sharing this news with others is vital. Keeping others in the dark about your struggles keeps you from asking for help or unburdening yourself. You will never be able to be real with others, creating an emotional distance that keeps you isolated and alone. You begin to live a lie. For this reason, God intended for his children to live in community, sharing one another’s burdens.

Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

Relationships with others are a gift from God that is worth pursuing. We are made to be dependent upon one another. As a parent, you may be at your lowest point right now. You need others to lift you up, to carry you until you are able to stand. This is as God intended. Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Ask God to defeat your pride and allow trusted believers to care for you. Finding others who understand your experience or are at least willing to deepen their awareness will provide comfort and relief that cannot be found in isolation. Other parents are going through the same situation as you are, and fellow believers who are willing to walk this path with you are out there, regardless of whether they have a gay or gender-questioning child or not. Other parents who do have similar experiences can provide essential guidance for all of the different stages of this process. Their knowledge becomes your knowledge as you face the unknown future. You also need others to remind you that God has not forsaken you and that his compassion and mercy extend to you in the midst of your struggles.

You need others to hear your story, to listen to your worries, and to help you understand your circumstances from God’s perspective. Community is a gift and cannot be considered optional. Inviting others in to help you process your child’s situation will lead to change within yourself and your relationship with your child.


Harvest USA offers online, short-term support groups for Christian parents of children who identify as LGBTQ+. Consider contacting us at info@harvestusa.org or calling (215) 482-0111 and take this first step towards inviting others into your struggle.


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