Today’s Youth Ministry Isn’t for the Faint-Hearted

Youth pastors have challenging ministries, and that’s an understatement today. Recently, I took a phone call from a youth pastor we’ll call Tom (all names have been changed). Tom serves a large, PCA church. His difficult youth ministry situation is something churches will be encountering everywhere.

Tom said he had worked hard to build a thriving, discipleship-oriented youth ministry. He had solicited many 30-something adult helpers and small group leaders. His ministry emphasis was on biblical education and personal ministry, but he also worked to develop an outreach mindset among his kids for the unsaved and outsiders. 

And it was working. The youth group grew. Many un-churched kids regularly attended after being invited by his kids. But one day his outreach approach came close to tearing the entire ministry apart. 

The Outreach Worked . . . Now What?

What happened? One of the invited kids, Eric, who got very involved in the youth group, announced that he was gay. And he was being very ‘out’ and proud about it, often wearing clothing such as buttons and hats that advertised his claimed identity. This is where the problems in youth ministry for Tom began.

The kids from church had different responses to Eric’s disclosure about his sexuality, and they fell into three camps. The first camp thought, “That’s wrong! He shouldn’t be in the youth group if he’s going to so overtly advertise that.” The second group thought, “He should be here. The church is the best place for him to learn about Christ.” And some said, “There’s nothing wrong with being gay. What’s the problem?” 

All three responses created confusion and turmoil.

And then the parents got wind of it all. Not only were some of them shocked by the emerging disorder in the youth group, but many of the parents began to learn, for the first time, what their children really believed about sexuality and gender. As they began to see that some of their children did not hold to the biblical stance on these issues that they held, they responded with anger and fear at everything that was happening.

Tom’s phone rang and his email overflowed. “How did this kid get into the church’s youth group?” asked one dad. One mom gave an ultimatum: “If that boy continues to attend, we’re pulling our sons out.” Another said, “I don’t want that kind of influence around my child.”

Some regularly-attending youth group kids threatened to leave if Eric was asked to leave; others said they would never invite anyone else to come to youth group events. To top it off, Tom’s staff and volunteer helpers even had different responses. Tom was in no-man’s land, feeling pressure to make the right decision for the youth ministry. Clearly, there would be resounding consequences no matter how he handled the situation—hence his phone call to me!

Will Your Youth Be Informed and Formed by Culture or God’s Word?

As issues of sex, sexuality, and gender become the defining identity marker in the culture, it has never been more critical for the church to be educated and equipped to respond with biblical faithfulness and compassion to the many young people falling prey to society’s confusion.

As parents and the church neglect to speak about these matters with our kids, young people are making up their minds about sexuality and gay marriage by the age of 12 (and it’s getting younger every day). The culture has “discipled” them well. They are listening to the voices on the Internet and media, which they spend hours each day consuming.

We must take seriously this fact: the culture (not parents, not the church) has become the predominant and authoritative teacher about sexuality and gender for our youth. If youth leaders don’t want to take the initiative to address these issues, they should not be in youth ministry today.

Equipping Parents, Churches, and Youth Ministry Leaders

Churches need to educate their leaders and volunteers about how to lovingly and compassionately minister to youth, some of whom struggle silently with sexual issues from a relatively early age. Parents need to be taught how to talk to their kids well before an issue explodes and they respond in anger and fear.

Those who are involved in youth ministry to junior and senior high kids must speak boldly, frequently, compassionately, and truthfully about sex, sexuality, and gender—especially because most kids struggle in their silent formative years when sexual identity is being formed and embraced.

Yes, you want 13-year-old Jason to trust you (or his small group leader) enough to tell you he’s looking at porn on his smartphone. Yes, you want 15-year-old Erica to confide that she’s attracted to other girls and wants to know whether she’s gay. You want Sam to tell you he feels he’s another gender. You want these kinds of talks with kids because God has placed you in their lives at this crucial time, while they still live at home and before college. Believe me, once they get to a college campus, there will be plenty of voices saying, “Yes, please come talk to us. We’ll help you figure this out.”

I’m so serious about this I’m going to repeat it: If youth leaders are not willing to engage these issues with the youth under their care, they shouldn’t be involved in youth ministry today!

Harvest USA wants to help your church become educated and proactive in dealing with these matters of sexuality and gender, specifically for the sake of your young people. We can meet with your church staff and elder board to help you strategize and implement how to do 21st-century youth ministry, for God’s glory and the good of his people. Email us at [email protected].