16 Oct 2012
Not long ago I spent some time with two younger women, one newly married and the other about four years into a marriage with two kids. It was a sweet time, an encouraging and Christ-filled time, and also a time in which my self-diagnosis of G.I.G. (Grass is Greener) Disorder raised its ugly, discontented head.
Does the shoe of this diagnosis fit you too? Do you also give way to believing that the grass really is greener over there? After I was with them, I spiraled down for a few hours while craving their story: of marriage, a house, a family, of the loving pursuit and “capture” of a man into marriage. I wanted to be able to live the stories I heard them sharing!
How does G.I.G. Disorder impact me?
- I want her/his marriage, not mine!
- I want to go back to singleness… it was so much easier then!
- How come their family seems to be so functional and healthy… why was I born into this mess?
- Why am I tempted in a same-sex way… how come I got stuck with this?
- Really God… really? My son/daughter is struggling with this? Why are you allowing this trial when none of my friends’ kids are wrestling this way?
- No! No, God, I do not want to walk with a husband bound up in sexual addiction. Give me some other trial like the one that ____ or____ or____ has in her marriage. Why do you let them have it so easy in their marriage while mine is a mess?
The Spirit finally rescued me from my slide into discontentment, comparison, and covetousness (all standard fare of G.I.G. Disorder) by whispering to my heart that day. “Ellen, tell your story!” Yes, the story that the Author of life has written and is writing for me.
So I did that. I took some time and journaled out portions of my story: from the year I was born, to the weaknesses and strengths I have, to experiences I’ve enjoyed and trials I’ve endured, to being single at 26, 36 and now 46 years old. I considered those temptations and battles God has given me victory over, and those temptations that stubbornly remain and keep me dependent and humble before the Lord.
Only Ellen Dykas can live out the life God has designed for her. And that applies to you, too. Only you can live out the story God has written for you. Other people’s stories are theirs, and they do not fit the uniqueness of who God designed you to be. One day, our goal is to arrive at 2 Timothy 4:7, and say, as life slips into eternity, “I’ve fought the good fight, I’ve finished the race, I’ve kept the faith.” To crave and pursue living the story of someone else is actually one of the ways that we end up craving Jesus-replacements in our lives. Why? Because if his plans for us aren’t enough, then we’re believing that he isn’t enough either.
Consider how you struggle—successfully and, at times, unsuccessfully—with G.I.G Disorder. What do you need to believe in order to be at peace with the story God has written, and is still writing, for you?