Awhile back, when I led a discipleship group for women seeking to overcome sexual sin, I was amazed at how prevalent abuse was in the stories of these dear sisters in Christ. It’s not that abuse is an unusual part of the backstory of women who come to us; sadly, most who reach out to us for help have experienced sexual abuse in one form or another. What made this group was different, though, was the depth of trauma that was so common across the board among group members. I took in their courageous sharing with sobriety, heartbreak, anger, and confusion.

The very questions that many of them asked were now flooding my thoughts: “Why, God? Why did you allow this? What good could possibly come from this? How are they supposed to trust you when you didn’t stop this from happening?”

These are difficult questions, and there are no easy answers. It is too much for me to sort through why God allows what he does. It is too great for me to discern whether sin is to blame or if it is just a result of the fallenness of this world—or both. I admit that I have given in to demanding answers from God as I have attempted to sort through confusion created by others’ suffering.

In those times, I turn to Isaiah 55:8–9, which says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than yours and my thoughts than your thoughts.” There are answers that my finite mind can’t understand, and it lies in the character of who God is and the fact that he knows all of the things I don’t.

But, as helpers, what are we to do when God allows us to come face to face with what seem like “splashes of hell”?¹

If we’re going to truly identify with Jesus in this world, it’s important to realize a few things as a helper. First, hearing traumatic stories is hard, but it is a part of our calling as believers to bear with one another, and Jesus is compassionate to us in this process. Second, we can hear, hold, and steward these stories wisely.

Hearing Traumatic Stories Is Difficult

In Genesis 34, we read about Dinah, the daughter of Leah and Jacob, who was horrifically raped by a man named Shechem. This chapter largely focuses on her brother’s response to the rape, which resulted in his anger boiling over into murder as a form of retaliation. But consider for a moment what it would be like to sit with Dinah. What anguish would you hear her heart express? What fears did this experience cause to rise up in her? What questions is she struggling to find answers to? It would be an understatement to say that her answers would be hard to hear and, most likely, grieve our hearts.

Now let’s consider Jesus: We see him entering into these broken spaces with people. He knew the story of the Samaritan woman who had slept with and married many men (John 4) and the woman caught in the very act of adultery (John 8:1–11). We don’t know the details of those actual relationships and what exactly those women endured leading up to the moment they encountered Jesus; we only get a glimpse at where they ended up. Yet Jesus wasn’t overwhelmed by their sin or suffering. He saw them and engaged them through his questions, listened to them, offered hope, and even offered himself.

We can do this too, but we need to be prepared: Hearing traumatic stories is difficult. We need to be aware of a few possible temptations for us helpers.

  1. Dependence on self. Many of us can rely on ourselves to heal, fix, and come up with answers for pain that often doesn’t have easy solutions.
  2. Pride. Our desire to help can get mixed in with pride that convinces us, “Look at what a great helper I am by hearing such traumatic stories!” Or we can begin to think someone needs us in order to get better.
  3. Avoidance. In many ways, it is easier to ignore hard things. We put our heads in the sand and pretend it away, or we even run away all together.

We need to remember that we aren’t entrusted with abuse stories unless they have first been heard, seen, and known by Jesus. He cares for the sufferer and for us, the one called alongside those who have endured horrific pain.

Dane Ortlund says in his book, Gentle and Lowly, “In our pain, Jesus is pained; in our suffering, he feels the suffering as his own even though it isn’t—not that his invincible divinity is threatened, but in the sense that his heart is feelingly drawn into our distress. His human nature engages our troubles comprehensively. His is a love that cannot be held back when he sees his people in pain.”²

Holding Difficult Stories Can Be Done Wisely

So what should we do when someone comes to us and wants to open up, to share a painful experience of abuse with us? What about childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, sexual harassment at work? This is a wide and deep topic with lots of necessary detail that would need to be explored in each situation.

Let me offer four key starting points to keep in mind.

  1. Pray. Prayer must be utilized often as we confront this type of evil. Pray for wisdom to know what God is inviting you into as a helper, for God to guard your own heart as you listen, and for heart healing and comfort for the person sharing.
  2. Listen and learn. Don’t worry about having the perfect theological answer or the right thing to say. Intentional listening and seeking to understand the person in front of you will help eliminate your responses that lean towards, “I don’t know what to do with what I’m hearing.” Jesus was the ultimate question asker, and he already knows the ins and outs of a person’s heart and situation.
  3. Get the help you need. As we have talked about, being a helper in these situations can take its own toll on you. Hold the person’s story with honesty and integrity, but invite others to know you in this so they can pray specifically for you. In addition, seek safe spaces to talk about how the weight of these stories is impacting your heart.
  4. Help the person connect with someone trained in trauma care if needed. Often, the most helpful and loving thing we can do is to acknowledge that we care yet aren’t equipped to address certain experiences of trauma. So, seek to help this person connect with someone who is trained to help in these areas. Practical ways to do this are offering to research professionals in your region, making a phone call to learn more about their specific areas of focus, and providing contact information to the person in need. This doesn’t mean we eliminate ourselves from the situation, though, because God gives us the Body of Christ, and there is wisdom in coming alongside hurting people together.

People who are willing to begin facing abuse and trauma are courageous. To invite someone else to know about that truth is even braver. So, while it is an honor to be entrusted with such stories, we, as helpers, need to be prepared for how those stories will impact our hearts. We also need to be prepared that removing the blinders of the depth of evil and suffering around us is often painfully uncomfortable.

When my co-leader and I finished the group I mentioned earlier, we marveled, with tears, at what we had witnessed in the lives of the group members. They had grown forward, healing had gone a bit deeper, and the pull of sin was lessening. Their stories of trauma had changed us as we bore witness to Jesus, the One who draws near to the brokenhearted (Isaiah 61:1–3).

Jesus was moved to compassion when he saw the needs of those around him (Matthew 9:36 and 14:14). As we sit with those who have experienced abuse and trauma, may we be moved to compassion, knowing that, although it is hard to hear such stories, Jesus is the one who redeems, restores, and enables us to hold challenging stories wisely.


¹ Joni E. Tada described suffering this way. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tU6q1r1Z9jg&t=2s, last accessed 2/24/21.

² Dane Ortlund. Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers. Wheaton: IL, Crossway, 2020. 46.

Sometimes in life, we find ourselves in completely unexpected places. That is definitely true of Shalee’s journey. She went from playing college basketball to achieving her dream of playing professionally. But then her life shifted in a completely unexpected direction, which led to seminary and now a job in full-time ministry at Harvest USA.

You can also read the blog, “Meet the Staff: Shalee Lehning“, which corresponds to this video.

In this blog, we’re happy to highlight our newest staff member, Shalee Lehning!

Position

Women’s Ministry Staff

Home Town

Sublette, Kansas

Description of Work at Harvest USA

I serve in our Direct Ministry by offering targeted discipleship and small group facilitation. My focus is working with individuals who seek help for their sexual struggles, as well as those who have been impacted by the sexual struggles of others. In addition, I’m involved in the equipping component of Harvest USA, which includes participating in teaching and equipping events and producing resources for Harvest USA.

How did you get to Harvest USA?

In 2015, while living in Laramie, Wyoming, I was first introduced to Sexual Sanity for Women, a discipleship resource by Harvest USA. Not only did God use that resource in a powerful way in my own life, but I was ultimately able to use that same resource to facilitate biblical support groups for other women in my home church. Several years later, I discovered the internship program at Harvest USA, which compelled me to move across the country in 2018 in hopes of becoming better equipped to minister in these areas. At the completion of my yearlong internship, the opportunity arose for me to join the Women’s Ministry staff full-time in July of 2019.

What is your favorite Scripture?

2 Corinthians 10:9–10, which says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

What do you love or enjoy about working at Harvest?

In the face of deep struggle and heartache, I get to watch men and women courageously battle for that which they believe in. We live in a world today that boasts in autonomy, and we are constantly bombarded with messages that crash against biblical beliefs. I am so encouraged when I see believers standing for what they believe is true, even as they expose themselves for their beliefs. In addition, I think it takes great humility to invite someone into the mess and pain of your life and ask for help. Working at Harvest allows me to witness this type of bravery on a regular basis. There truly is beauty in our brokenness, where Jesus meets us.

What has been the most valuable thing you’ve learned so far from direct ministry?

Only God can bring about true heart change in our lives. Even our most valiant efforts to bring about change will come up empty if we aren’t allowing God to work in and through us. This has been a deep encouragement to me personally because, in a way, it takes the pressure off of us as ministry staff. The burdens of this life are too heavy for us to carry. We will buckle under the pain and heartache of this world without God, and what a wearisome task it is to rely on our human efforts to bring about anything more than behavioral change. As I’ve walked with women through our direct ministry, a verse I have turned to often is the promise God gives us in Isaiah 43:1–2, which says, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”

What are one or two things you would like to share with anyone reading?

First, you are not alone. No matter what hidden struggle you might have. No matter how many questions you might have about God. No matter how broken or ashamed or worthless or hopeless you might feel. Jesus sees you. There is not only a way out of the darkness but also healing for your pain. If you are struggling to believe that right now, reach out for help. I believed the lie for a long time that I was the only Christian struggling in these ways. Not only is that not true, but many other Christians are also drinking deeply of the grace of God in these areas.

Second, don’t go at this alone. As we step out in honesty, we open ourselves to receiving God’s care and love from other believers. I refer to Exodus 17:12–13 often when I think about needing others’ help. Moses was leading the people of Israel into battle, and, as long as he held his staff in the air, the Israelites prevailed. As time passed, though, his arms grew tired, and Moses was unable to hold the staff up on his own. Aaron and Hur came alongside Moses and literally held his arms up for him. If we are honest, we all need people to come alongside us and hold our arms up through life’s storms.

What is your favorite thing about living in Philadelphia?

The Wissahickon Valley Park Trail System. I love being active outside! This trail system goes for miles, connecting the city to the suburbs. I enjoy riding my bike on this trail into the city as it provides a unique vantage point to experience Philly.

Can you tell us an interesting fact about yourself?

I love sports! I grew up playing a variety of sports, but my love for basketball eventually won out as my favorite. I was blessed by an opportunity to play college basketball at Kansas State University. Eventually, my childhood dream of playing in the WNBA came true when I was drafted in 2009 by the Atlanta Dream. It was a privilege to travel all over the country and play the sport that I loved.


You can also watch the video, “From Athletics to Ministry: God’s Unexpected Surprises“, which corresponds to this blog.

God created us as sexual beings, so it makes sense that our sexual desires would be a primary target for attack. Thankfully, God did not leave us helpless. He gave us his word, and he gave us Ephesians 6—a very well known passage addressing spiritual warfare. In this video, Shalee Lehning explains how we can pray the armor of God (as outlined in Ephesians 6:10-20) into our sexual struggles and temptations.

To learn more about this topic, consider purchasing one of our resources, such as Hide or Seek: When Men Get Real with God About Sex by John Freeman and Sexual Sanity for Women: Healing from Sexual and Relational Brokenness by Ellen Mary Dykas. When you buy these books from Harvest USA, 100% of your purchase will benefit our ministry.

You can also read the blog, When an Unseen Enemy Assaults You, which corresponds to this video.

We have an enemy, and he doesn’t play fair. He is a cunning schemer who lurks behind confusion and chaos, seeking to accuse and destroy. His name is Satan, and his job is to undermine God’s redemptive plan in any way he can, particularly by harassing God’s people.

Many believers fail to realize that we are in a war over competing desires that arise from two opposing kingdoms. The kingdom of the beloved Son, Jesus, has conquered the kingdom of darkness, yet the unholy trinity—the world, the flesh, and the devil—will continue to wreak havoc until all things are made new.

Satan is obviously having a heyday in the battle field of sexuality. Our adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). What better place for our enemy to attack than the fertile ground of sexual desires? Here, the fallout is widespread, and the devastation cuts deep. We know that we cannot blame our sin on the devil, and yet we have become desensitized to his influence.

Christian, don’t fear the devil, but don’t ignore his existence.

In and through Christ, God has given us the power to withstand the enemy’s schemes and personal temptations. Sexual temptation may leave us feeling handcuffed, broken, doubtful, and weary—but we have hope!

We are already clothed with Christ and have everything we need to engage this battle. On the heels of warning us to be sober-minded and watchful against Satan, 1 Peter 5:10 tells us that the God of all grace will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish us through the power of his Word and the presence of Jesus, who dwells within.

Put on Christ, who is all the armor you need for spiritual warfare.

Ephesians 6:10–18 provides helpful wisdom for us. As he’s done throughout chapters 1–5, Paul exhorts the Ephesians to know who they are in Christ and how that should make a difference in the way they live. He says to put on the whole armor of God, our precious resource as we abide in Jesus. Does your pornography addiction feel like the drug you can’t go a day without? Put on the armor of God. Are you exhausted from fighting your attraction to the same sex? Put on the armor of God. Is your mind flooded with sexual images you wish you never saw, but, even if you try, you can’t stop thinking about them? Put on the armor of God. Is someone who isn’t your spouse leading you to fantasize about another, easier life? Once again, put on the armor of God.

Let’s look at the pieces of armor that Ephesians 6:13–17 lists.

Put on the belt of truth (verse 14). God’s Word is our truth, and with it, we stand prepared and ready.

How? We are forgetful people, so we need to daily feast on God’s Word through reading and meditating on his truths. It isn’t enough to just read the Bible; we must knead God’s truths into our hearts.

Put on the breastplate of righteousness (verse 14). When we feel unworthy or incapable of righteous emotions and passions, Christ’s righteousness defends us, guarding our beliefs and hearts from pursuing fleeting feelings.

How? We keep our hearts with all vigilance and safeguard what we allow “in.” Pay attention to everyday things that illicit jealousy, resentment, frustration, discontentment, or arousal. As you become aware of what triggers you—music, movies, social media, specific people—make changes to limit the access that those things have to your heart.

Put on the shoes of peace (verse 15). We must stand firm through the assurance that we are firmly rooted in our relationship with Christ. Our feet are the foundation for the good news of the gospel, which brings salvation from sin.

How? Preach the gospel to yourself daily. Isaiah 26:3 says, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you.” As we think about the personal implications of Christ’s death and resurrection, we become anchored in those realities, rather than the lies that steal our peace.

Put on the shield of faith (verse 16). When under attack by temptations, we put up our shields of belief in God’s Word and the truths we have heard.

How? We ask for God’s help to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). We look upward to God and outward to others instead of inward to self. Then we choose obedience even when we don’t feel like it.

Put on the helmet of salvation (verse 17). The helmet protects our minds and thoughts in the heat of battle. We do this by thinking about what is true, our eternal hope, and our destiny.

How? Literally redirect your thoughts to what is true, noble, pure, lovely, and admirable (Philippians 4:8). Repeat truth to yourself: I am loved. I am saved. I am not my sin. Through Christ, my victory has already been won (1 Corinthians 15:57). This affliction is preparing for me an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Corinthians 4:17).

Put on the sword of the Spirit (verse 17). The Word of God is our sword. It effectively cuts down distorted messages from the kingdom of darkness. Jesus used Scripture to resist the tempter, and so must we.

How? Our weapon is reciting God’s truth and speaking it into our situation: I am a child of God, and my sexual sin doesn’t define me (1 John 3:1). God is with me; he is mighty to save, and he will quiet me by his love (Zephaniah 3:17). This requires us to know his Word enough to deploy it.

Lastly, Paul elaborates in Ephesians 6:18 on the importance of prayer. Just as soldiers would be unsuccessful in battle if lines of communication were broken, communication with our loving Father is our lifeline amid spiritual battle. Take heart, resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James 4:7).


You can also watch the video, “Pray the Armor of God Into Your Sexual Temptations,” which corresponds to this blog.

Journey companions form relationships that help us grow towards sexual and relational integrity and intentionally pursue transparency, Christ-centered conversations, and a mutual commitment to becoming more like Jesus.

To learn more about this topic, consider purchasing one of our resources, such as Sex and the Single Girl  by Ellen Dykas and What’s Wrong with a Little Porn When You’re Single by R. Nicholas Black. When you buy these books from Harvest USA, 100% of your purchase will benefit our ministry.

You can also read the blog, “Bearing One Another’s Burdens,” which corresponds to this video.

Galatians 6:2 instructs Christians to “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Bear someone else’s burdens?! How are we supposed to do that when our own hearts are buckling under the weight of our own problems? Even if we did try, how are we supposed to do that? What does it look like?

Paul uses the phrase “bear one another’s burdens” in his letters to the churches in Galatia and Ephesus (see Ephesians 4:11–5:14). These letters are not filled with suggestions; rather, they are commands for believers to “grow up in Christ.” When we are ensnared in sin, Galatians 6:1–10 beautifully explains how we come alongside each other by pursuing with love, seeking restoration with gentleness and humility, and compassionately carrying the weight of pain, shame, and struggle. In addition to Christ as the ultimate bearer of our burdens, God provides fellow Christians to share life’s weight. God never intended that our spiritual journey be limited to living on our own islands; instead, he gave us the body of Christ. But what does it look like to bear one another’s burdens in real life?

Our Harvest USA Women’s Ministry team calls those who bear our burdens “journey companions.” Journey companions are people you invite to intentionally help you grow in your relationship with the Lord. Some people might call this an accountability partner, but we prefer the term journey companion because, honestly, many Christians have taken the concept of accountability and formed misleading, unhelpful practices that, in the end, haven’t worked!

The journey companion relationship is more than a set list of accountability questions regarding particular sin struggles that only require “yes “or ”no” answers. We have found that for true burden-bearing relationships to work most effectively, there needs to be a relationship. This means that people come together for the purpose of transparent life-sharing about sin struggles and make commitments to grow in Christ through prayer and applying God’s Word. Simply put, journey companions agree to know who we really are and to encourage us through listening, speaking the truth in love when we fail, and faithfully praying for us.

The problem is that many of us have not experienced this type of life-on-life, burden-bearing relationship. If this is you, don’t be discouraged! You can find guidance for these relationships by seeking God in prayer and in Scripture.

Here are four ways we can bear one another’s burdens:

  1. Comfort
    Provide encouragement for the painful and often difficult race of faith. II Corinthians 1:3 calls God “the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction.” Those verses don’t say some of our afflictions, but rather all. With God, “all” means “all.” In our heartaches and struggles, God lavishes us with his direct and personal comfort. Verse 4 says that God comforts us so that we might be able to comfort others with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. This is one of the most beautiful “pay it forward” blessings we can be a part of. May we be gentle, humble, compassionate conduits of God’s comfort to others.
  1. Challenge
    Exhort one another to seriously battle sin without growing weary. Ephesians 4:12, 16, and 29 mention building one another up. Often, we take “building up” in Ephesians 4:29 to simply mean lifting up or encouraging someone. However, if we compare these three verses in chapter 4, we see that Paul has in mind all that is involved in building up the body “into” Christ—in other words, helping each other know and love Christ more and love each other more in him. Journey-companion relationships will involve real-life conversations that are specific to the struggles we experience, so ”challenge” should include speaking truth that is specifically shaped by that. The goal of our truth-speaking to each other is not merely to curb an undesirable behavior, or even to prevent sin. It is nothing less than deeper relationship with Christ and all that that entails, especially love.
  1. Consistency
    Establish intentional and regular meeting times with life-sharing as your primary focus. Hebrews 10:24–25 soberly reminds readers that the day of Christ’s return is drawing near, and one of the things the author emphasizes is to “not neglect meeting together, as is the habit of some.” Persevering in faith is a community effort, and encouraging one another to persevere requires consistently being together.
  1. Celebrate
    Notice any movement of the Spirit and celebrate spiritual growth together. This is often an element absent from these accountability relationships. We tend to focus so much on our sin or what we need to do to be a better Christian that we miss the beauty of seeing God’s hand at work. To be celebrated is to be seen by another. Don’t neglect to celebrate victories, new responses to temptation, surpassing peace, God’s provision of physical needs, or changed thought patterns. Basically, be on the lookout for any movement of the Spirit in someone’s life and name it! As we are called to weep with those who weep, may we also joyfully rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15).

To some, the idea of seeking out a burden-bearing journey companion may prompt excitement, hope, and inspiration; others may feel fearful, anxious, and ashamed. We are all most likely in different places in our willingness to actively engage in these types of relationships. You know what? That’s okay! These relationships take time, but as we grow, we can seek to bear one another’s burdens by being present, offering Bible-based counsel, following up on struggles, listening intently, and celebrating any movement of the Holy Spirit that happens in our lives, one step at a time.

This blog post is taken from our upcoming Harvest USA Women’s Ministry discipleship workbook, which will be released in December 2020.

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You can also watch the video, “Finding Faithful Journey Companions,” which corresponds to this blog.

I watched her body tense as she made eye contact with me and said tearfully, “I don’t want to pray; I don’t know what to say.”

To learn more about this topic, consider purchasing God, You, and Sex: A Profound Mystery by David White and When Your Husband Is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart by Vicki Tiede. When you buy these books from Harvest USA, 100% of your purchase will benefit our ministry.

You can also read the blog, “How to Pray When Your Heart Hurts,” which corresponds to this video.

Pain is deafening. Whether physical or emotional, pain not only has the ability to hurt deeply but also to smother our faith and hope in Christ. Pain of betrayal. Rejection. Broken relationships. Loss. Loneliness. Uncertainty. Ongoing sexual struggles. Deferred hopes. Or simply the consequences of living in a broken world with our sinful choices. The sad reality is that, regardless of what triggers our pain, the aftermath can be just as disorienting.

Many Christians have been taught that prayer is a wise response to painful life circumstances. However, one of the things I hear the most from women amidst their suffering and heartache is that they struggle to know what to pray. In the throes of emotional turmoil, many people find that words evade them, or they don’t think they are allowed to say what they truly feel to a holy God. Sexual strugglers can mistakenly believe that their temptations and sins cannot be voiced at the throne of grace. Shame keeps them silent and stuck in an internal dialogue of unbelief: “Can God really handle my truth?!”

God is holy and deserves our reverence, but he also desires to be in relationship with us. For relationship to thrive, there must be communication. But what do you do when the pain of life cuts so deep that you can’t think, let alone find the vocabulary to pray?

Well, you can pray God’s Word. Let his Word come up with what to say for you. Scripture shows us examples of God’s people crying out gut-raw, honest prayers in the midst of their pain and suffering. The Psalms are a great example of this appropriate honesty. When life hurts most, we have a guide!

Here are some ways you can pray when pain is disorienting.

When you feel weak and weary, pray…
“Lord, I am so tired; I don’t feel like I can do this. Your Word says you give power to the weak, and you increase their strength when they have none. Please give me strength to get through this day” (Isaiah 40:29).

When you feel ashamed, pray…
“Father, I am so ashamed; I just keep failing. Please remove my shame because, in Christ, I am your beloved one. Thank you that as I look to you, my face is never covered with shame, regardless of what my emotions tell me” (Psalm 34:5).

When you feel alone and afraid, pray…
“Father, I feel all alone. I’m so scared that this pain is never going to go away. Your Word says not to fear because you are with me, but it is so hard to believe that you are near. Please help me believe. Strengthen me, help me, and uphold me with your righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).

When you feel grief, pray…
“Father, my hopes and dreams are caving in. As Proverbs 13:12 says, a deferred hope makes the heart sick, and that’s all I feel right now. Thank you that a day is coming when you will wipe away every tear from my eyes; when there will be no more death, sorrow, or crying; when there will be no more pain as the former things pass away” (Revelation 21:4).

When you doubt God, pray…
“Lord, I just don’t understand! The pain of this ongoing struggle is making me question so many things. Please help me trust in you and not lean on my own understanding. I acknowledge you as God. Help me believe that you will make straight my path” (Proverbs 3:5–6).

When you feel tempted, pray…
“Father, help! I don’t feel like I can say no to this. I know this temptation that is trying to overtake me is common to mankind, and your Word says you are faithful⁠—you will not let me be tempted beyond what I can bear. This feels like too much to bear, so help me see the way out that you provide for me to endure this” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

When you need hope, pray…
“Lord, I feel hopeless. But thank you that I have more to hope in than my present circumstances. Thank you that, according to your great mercy, you have caused me to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for me. By your power, I am guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last days” (1 Peter 1:3–5).

Are you struggling to know what to pray? Be honest with God about how you feel. When we are crushed in spirit, God doesn’t expect us to package all of our emotions into neat, little gift boxes. He doesn’t say, “Child, don’t speak until you have something eloquent to say.”

Instead, he meets us in our honesty with mercy and compassion. He speaks tenderly to us with peace, love, and forgiveness (Hosea 2:14). He does what only he can do by taking the pain meant to destroy us and using it to make us more like Jesus, the person who is most able to sympathize with our weakness (Hebrews 4:15).

The next time that life hurts so bad you can’t think of words to pray, or when circumstances make despair seem like the only feasible option, let God’s Word be your guide. Our loving Father already knows exactly what you’re feeling, so accept his invitation to tell him about it.

You can also watch the video, “Praying with Someone in Pain,” which corresponds to this blog.

In this video, Shalee Lehning discusses the pain that women endure when the men in their lives use pornography.

Shalee also reminds us that Christ offers hope to women and men. Where trust has been broken, Christ offers forgiveness. Where there is ongoing struggle, Christ offers grace that is sufficient for you.

To learn more about this topic, consider purchasing What’s Wrong with a Little Porn When You’re Married by Nicholas Black or Your Husband Is Addicted to Porn by Vicki Tiede. When you buy these minibooks from Harvest USA, 100% of your purchase will benefit our ministry.

You can also read the blog, Coming to Grips with How Porn Damaged My View of Women, which corresponds to this video.


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