Romans 13:14 (ESV) tells Christians to, “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” Sexual strugglers who come into our office to talk with us often tell us that they don’t want to keep on sinning, but they don’t know how to stop life-dominating sexual sin patterns. How can women engage the battle to turn to Jesus in faith and repentance and away from sexual sin? How can they receive by faith the words of Jesus to “take up your mat and go home” (Mark 2:11), believing—no matter how tiny that belief might be at the moment—that Jesus forgives her sin?
This verse from Romans gives us two clear and connected steps to take in finding growth and change from debilitating sexual struggles.
The first step to take is to “put on the Lord Jesus Christ.” Having acknowledged your sin before God and a trusted person (see previous blog post), now Jesus commands and enables you to “stand up and walk” by faith. What does it mean to “put on Christ”? It means three things:
- Seek consistent fellowship with God through His word and in prayer. This seems so basic that often we overlook it. Nothing, however, can replace cultivating our relationship with Jesus. When sexual sin has been a secret, shame-provoking part of a person’s life, often the heart has been dulled in devotion to Christ. Living water and fresh nourishment must be feasted upon regularly to fill and satisfy a hungry heart.
- Cultivate authentic relationship with Christians. Have you noticed that a good part of the Bible’s commands cannot be obeyed unless we are in relationships with other Christians? (See 1 John 1:7 that connects one’s walk with God to one’s walk with other believers.) God has designed our faith to be personal and intimate with Him, but not apart from rich involvement in the life of other believers in the church. Do you have at least two people in your life with whom you can allow yourself to be fully known and prayed for? To be encouraged and discipled by? If you don’t, begin asking the Lord for such friends as these. It’s that important!
- Seek opportunities to love and serve others. There is grace, comfort and joy to be poured into us, and through us. We were not designed by God to be receptacles but conduits of His love and mercy. Look for opportunities to reach out to someone and show them love and care. For this you were made—“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Eph 2:10).
Did you notice that I’ve said nothing regarding sexual sin in the advice I’ve given? That’s intentional! Most women who have struggled sexually have spent so much time focusing on “sin management” or battling against temptation, that they have neglected cultivating their relationships—with Jesus and with other sisters in the Lord.
Jesus, not the sin itself, must be the One fixed upon as you seek to walk away from sin!
The second step is to “make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” While cultivating and building up relationships is crucial, especially as a first step, you still need to know how to fight the battle! Overcoming sin patterns, including sexual sin, is never something we “happen upon” or coast into. No, sin must be intentionally fought as we flee temptations and deal directly with the heart issues from which they are triggered.
- Identify and then avoid and flee triggers and temptations. What are the situations, influences, people, and emotions which seem to weaken your resolve to obey God? Is it being alone? Watching certain types of entertainment? Anger, hunger, loneliness, boredom, and fear can push us to crumble in the face of temptation. 1 Cor. 10:13-14 instructs believers to flee temptation as we receive the escape path He provides. To run on that path of escape increasingly means we must learn to discern when we are creeping near to sin. Ask yourself: What “helps” you to sin, and how can you avoid these influences?
- Fast from good gifts which are not good for you. One common struggle we all have is taking good things from God and then worshipping them—allowing them to mean more to your heart than God himself. Are there things that you use or have that, while either enjoyable or useful, are increasingly pulling you into temptation and sin? Your smartphone? Your laptop? Places you are visiting or people you are hanging around with? Will fasting from these things be difficult or inconvenient? Sure. I challenge you to try this. Hard as it might be, this may be a necessary step in order to focus your time and attention on Christ and recapture your thought life.
- Refuse to isolate or hide. It’s been said that the power of secret sin is in the secret. To “walk in the light” (1 John 1: 1-9) and to “renounce secret and shameful ways” (2 Cor. 4:1-6) will mean sharing your life and struggles with others. This path of obedience (and grace!) flows from what I already said (above) about cultivating authentic relationships.
These initial steps, walked out day by day, little by little, over a lifetime, WILL lead you increasingly into the spacious freedom which is ours through Jesus Christ. All of this is waiting for you. May you find in Jesus the humility to run to him—or, be carried to him by others who know you—in order to discover the life you really want.